He ONLY teases me & people comment that he's always around me. He has no problem going to lunch w other female coworkers but for me, he gets nervous & anxious makes sure people are with us. Alone, he's very sweet. One coworker recently asked if something was between us becuz we flirt. Ij convo w others about what we did on the weekend or what not, we will only tell people "my friend and I did this..." or "my friend lent me their shirt to wear." Versus saying eachothers names. It's secretive but nothing has happened & we haven't been phsycial.
Lately, we have been starting to argue more, lots of misunderstandings, walking around eggshells. I've been down lately & had wanted to see him for my birthday. He went over the top for me last year. This year he did nothing & it hurt. He even told our close friend he f ed up for not making an effort. He never told me this & instead he blamed me talking about how hurt he was because I spent a few days distant, not wanting to talk about it or anything. He was super upset when he called me & when I said I felt like he didn't want me around or that he didn't really care, he got angry and upset & kept saying how hurt and insulted he was and hung up on me. Finally, yesterday he decides he wants to talk. This wasn't the person I know though. He was rigid. Like all the emotions of anger and hurt from last week disappeared. Suddenly he declared we are just work friends. That he only treats me like everyone else. That I'm strange and to stop being weird. He kept repeating ( an excessive 20+ times) that we just work together and to stop being weird. That is wasn't like we were dating or something and had to discuss any personal issues. He was just in total denial mode. i did tell him that i was sorry he was so hurt the week before that he means so much to me & care for him. He was silent, rigid. Every time things get too emotional he backs away, denies everything & I am left feeling rejected & wounded.
Why do guys struggle with emotions for girls?
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9 mo
Every time, after we go through this, he almost immediately tries harder. He comes back full force flirting, teasing, calling, texting, facetime. I notice him watching me more, ill look up & he's staring, others notice, our close mutual friend notices that if i walk by and theyre talking, he will lose all train of thought as he just watches me walk away or watch what im doing. Ill find him even MORE trying to always be around me. I've even hid & he will ask people where I am or seek me out
Updates
9 mo
I'm not sure how to navigate as we have had several conversations these last few years. Anything from you mean everything to me and no one else to I don't know what you're talking about, I just work with you. This time around I did say this is so hard (w no context) and maybe I should just quit and not work here. That REALLY upset him.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Because that´s what guys do. A guy asks a girl out when he´s clear about his feelings and wants a future with her. As long as that is not the case he struggles to find a break through. What you experience is what many guys go through if they like a woman but they don´t feel like they are fully in love with her. It´s the emotional struggle of not wanting to mess it up and destroy the friendship on the one hand but at the same time having caught feelings for her and not knowing how to handle that. While at the same knowing that if you ask her out and she says no or the feelings for her turn out to be not strong enough for a relationship you know you lose her because there is no going back.
I know that sounds complicated but I can´t describe it an easier way.
What do you mean by struggles to find a breakthrough?
With a breakthrough I mean that the decision if a guy finds a woman just attractive or he wants a longterm relationship with her.
Do you think it makes things worse when they work together? What do you think I do since it's such a struggle for him? I back away and he tries even harder... it's so contradicting
I think it could get worse if you see each other every day. I think the only thing you can do is talk to him again and tell him that you can´t live with the situation any longer and maybe also ask other colleagues or friends for help. Let them ask him how he feels about you because he might open up to them more than to you. That way you could avoid a confrontation that might get him angry.
I actually told him this when we spoke originally (when he got SUPER hurt and insulted). I said I couldn't do this anymore... that's why I thought maybe it's worth just going away and getting away from this than having to deal with it each time I see him. He lost it when I said that too... super upset, very very angry and hurt.
I only see him 1-2 times a week. If I don't, he video calls me.
This is why it was a bit weird that he COMPLETELY changed a few days ago, emotionless, rigid, unfamiliar, like I had just met him. Felt like I was talking to a stranger. Like he cut off all emotion.
We do have one close mutual friend/coworker. That's whom he told "i f*ed up. I didn't make an effort for her bday."
That in itself is conflicting and contradicting. Yes, I'm guilty of it too... I wanted to spend time w him (casual lunch) for it, just him... but at the same time, he knew he messed up by not trying. It's like we act like we are something. No random friend says the f ed up for no effort...
Wow, you are both immature.
Feelings make us do silly things. Just curious if you would elaborate.
Threatening to quit your job? Really?