Why do some guys play with girl’s emotions?

[babysteph]

This one is a bit long but you can skip to the second paragraph!

Recently I’ve become acquainted with a guy who I thought was pretty cool. At first he was really sweet to me and seemed respectful enough though, like most men, he decided to make the topics of most of our conversations sexual. I never felt as if he was using me or being disrespectful until recently. Before then, it was just decent conversation.

He has never been very careful with his words or actions, and recently has done things that I find myself having trouble forgetting. He mistreats me in a way I’ve never experienced. He’s called me names and said disgusting things about me, then expects me to forgive and forget as soon as he delivers me a halfass apology. I feel he’s always toying with my emotions and blaming me for the times when the energy between us isn’t positive. I’ve tried explaining my perspective to him many times and asking him to treat me better, but I’ve made little progress. I have so many doubts about him at this point, simply based on his known actions. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were talking to other women or disrespecting me in a way I don’t yet know about.

why do you think some men behave this way? I refuse to think that men are bad communicators or simply childish in general. There’s too much evidence that goes against that.

my take on it is that he somehow gets off on being able to control my emotions because they are one of the few things in life that he has control over. I think maybe in his mind it makes him powerful to shit on me and make me sad and then find a way to keep me around each time he does. I’m truly unsure. All I know is that it’s been hell for me and I can’t continue to speak to this person without some change or at least some perspective on what’s going on. I don’t know why I’ve let it carry on for so long. In many ways I feel sorry for him.

what do you think?

thanks! 💖

they’re insecure

it makes them feel powerful

they’re just a dick in general

other (explain)

Updates

+1 y

it’s been confirmed that he was cheating as well. I’m a bit sad but not surprised.

[Jjpayne]

I think part of it is control, another part is selfishness.

Either way it's not good or fair and
You should call them out in someway.

Say you are taking a break for a week and when you come back, you hope that you can get over this bad relationship behavior.

I'd even go as far as couples therapy if it's possible to get. For me, he needs to understand your stance and that your serious about it, it might mean finding another guy if he wants to be stubborn and unchanging... Relationships are about fairness and comprise, and he needs to understand that, if he can't it's time to go.

But do remember that fairness and comprise come from both sides, this is why you need someone with an unbiased opinion, because I've been in situations, where I was having difficulties with people and I could not see I was making people irritated and that's why I was having trouble with them.

I can understand you might have done nothing wrong but it can be a solid pat on the back for an unbiased party to tell you that and make you have even stronger ground to tell him what you would like him to change and that it's fair and reasonable

[SnackAttack7]

Just end the relationship and move on.

[babysteph]

Done :)

[SnackAttack7]

Thanks for MHO

[Manduh]

Gurrrrrrrrrrl firstly why you even entertaining this guy in the first place? He doesn't deserve your time let alone you. He's being manipulative, controlling and playing mind games on you. Get yourself some self respect and dump the trash. You is a queeeen!!! You been dropping your crown way too many times. Here ya go *hands you crown* now don't drop it. Keep it on at all times and don't look down. Always look up. This way no one is beneath you or above you and that's the way it should stay. Cut off any connections you have with this guy and don't let him back in. You might have vulnerable moments but try your best to not give in. Now be fierce queeeeen!!! You got thisssss!!!

[babysteph]

😂😂 this made me laugh. you brought up some good points though. I’d agree that it’s about manipulating and control for his own ego or something

[Manduh]

I intended to hype you up💜 yup his ego is all that matters it seems and he's preying on the wrong people in my opinion. So go 👏🏼off 👏🏼sis👏🏼 you👏🏼 do 👏🏼 you👏🏼

[Manduh]

@babysteph all the more reason for you to leave him and move on babe

[Manduh]

I'm sad you'll have to go through this now but you will get through this

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because guys like that don't care or respect women.
Thankfully, not all men are that way, however, there are plenty of bad ones that make dating such a headache.


"...like most men, he decided to make the topics of most of our conversations sexual."
No, no, no! Not all men behave that way. Only the ones after sex, or just want to use you. The decent ones don't discuss sexual topics right away.
If the majority of the conversation with the other person involves sex, that's a red flag!!!

[babysteph]

I know not all men behave that way. Trust me! I suppose what I meant was that most guys (even people I’m friends with now) attempt at one point or another to shoot their shot with me. I suppose that’s just the nature of who I am? I’m not really sure why. Most of my friends when asked about it later have said that they knew it was impossible but they thought they might as well still try. I think that mentality is ridiculous but eh.

[OlderAndWiser]

The important question to ask is not why he does that, but what are you going to do about it? You have pointed out the problem to him and he has not responded Understanding "why" will not make it easier to tolerate not will it provide any insight that allows you a chance to change him: you can't. You must simply accept him as he is. . . or move on from him.

What will you do?

[Screenwriter]

A, B, C...
Come on lady! Listen to what you said!
"I’ve become acquainted with a guy who I thought was pretty cool. At first he was really sweet and seemed respectful though, he decided to make the topics of most of our conversations sexual. I never felt as if he was using me or being disrespectful until recently. Before then, it was just decent conversation."
It wasn't DECENT CONVERSATION if the topics were mostly sexual. It was entertainment. Were you physically dating this man? If you weren't, he wasn't cheating.
He was passing the time with you and physically being with people who were available to him.
You ALLOWED the conversation. Sure, he was a dick, but most people don't think online relationships have any other weight than conversation. They don't consider being with or talking to other people cheating and I'm completely in agreement.
Have a REAL LIFE relationship with a person who gives a shit about you and spends more time talking about the weather, music, movies, TV, work, travel... a broad spectrum of topics that are MOSTLY NONSEXUAL.
Those are the people who are keepers. AND GO OUT WITH THEM.
You're too young to be wasting your time with solely online hookups. They lead nowhere.
AND HE WAS USING YOU!

[BeyondCuriosity]

I think some people just have a hard time being honest. I know that for me the temptation is there to misrepresent myself, because it would be easier. I just never give in to that temptation. Maybe I can explain that a bit better.

I think a lot of people are made to feel that they are horrible people for being themselves, and that creates a lot of problems. This guy you're talking about could just be an asshole, BUT it could also be that he's been made to feel it's not okay for him to be the way he is. As a reaction he might hide his true self when he can to try to conform to what people around him say he should be, but eventually he slips up and his true nature comes out. That doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. Another woman might like a situation where the two of them can just be blunt and call each other horrible names. They might do well in a situation where they can just blurt out whatever pops into their mind at the moment and then apologize later... kind of. lol It might be a good situation for them to have an open relationship and so on.

Problem is, he didn't feel he could tell the truth about himself, and so he didn't end up with that woman, he ended up with you. You don't want to be with the kind of guy he is, and if he had been honest with both you and himself then you could have simply said no thank you. Being lonely is painful, and I think some people are willing to lie or try to become someone else to please people and not be lonely. It doesn't work that way though.

Again, he might just be a shitty person, but humans are usually more complicated than that. I personally have chosen to suffer through people not liking me for not being ideal or traditional, but it's not an easy road and I'm not sure most people want to be on it.

[babysteph]

I’m not gonna pity him for making himself out to be a good guy and ending up with a good girl. If that’s the case, he knew what he was doing and it was wrong and he deserves what’s coming to him. I have no sympathy for anyone like that 😐

[BeyondCuriosity]

Not saying you should. Just saying maybe he wasn't designed to be with you. Like I said, some people come across to me as just plain bad people too, but I think that might be me making assumptions about them, or having a personal bias. I'm just not sure there's a lot of people out there who are just willfully and consciously bad people. The bottom line is it doesn't matter why he did it though, he's not an acceptable person for you. I'm just discussing what the motives behind it all might be.

[WesBrewer]

so I said they are just a dick in general, obviously not all men are, but some are, but some are trash they act like trash they treat others like trash and all that comes out of their mouth is trash. a real man would try and work through the situation, we shouldn't be blaming things on anyone, especially if it is our fault, look at what happened to adam when he blamed eve, now his life is screwed, or was since he is long gone. some men are like that and you just have to leave them and understand they are trash and deserve to be with trash, not with you.

[babysteph]

Obviously it isn’t all men. There are still some great ones, thankfully. I would have thought I were a better judge of character and wouldn’t have allowed myself to become associated with someone that would do that. I’ve given him so many second chances and I think each time I did I became a bit more blind as to what he was really doing. He can be as trash as he wants, I just would have expected more from myself.

[WesBrewer]

don't blame yourself, no one is a perfect judge of character, and many of us are terrible at it.

[babysteph]

thanks 💖

[WesBrewer]

anytime have a hug <(^_^<) and a cup of coffee if you like it

[20yearsolder]

I'm not going to answer your question, I'm going to make a statement. Why do you tolerate this action at all? Are you that needy that you need this man's attention? Get the fuck out of the relationship while you can.

[babysteph]

I don’t need his attention. there are just times when it seems like he’s a decent guy and I’d prefer to get some takes on why he’s doing this before I just flat out leave

[20yearsolder]

I understand you want takes on it, all I can tell you is it's never going to get better so get your ass out of there now. If you allow it to happen it will only get worse

[20yearsolder]

And as to why he does this, I'm guessing because you allow it. It builds his ego while it smashes yours down. He likes the control

[babysteph]

thanks

[20yearsolder]

Now get out of the relationship please

[babysteph]

I can’t imagine being wired that way. I feel empowered and lifted by being positive and helpful and giving other people light. If the only way I felt empowered was to put others down that would be so sad

[20yearsolder]

I totally agree, and it breaks my heart that women put up with this bullshit. There are good men out there that will treat you how you should be treated.

[babysteph]

I know. Thank you!

[Konabeana]

All of the above. You deserve better. Don’t expect this person to change, you will be making a mistake. You should definitely consider leaving this person, they seem very abusive. Also it is important to not generalize men playing with a girls emotions, based off of this guys behavior. Some guys are jerks, but the emotionally-stable ones are great!

[babysteph]

That’s why I said “some guys”

[zeitgeist057]

I believe this sort of behavior comes as a result of modeling. Either from a father figure or other male role model, or from peers. Being a male and having been privy to a lot of locker room and Barracks/fire house conversations, I think the average male attitude toward women very unhealthy.

[Hangry22]

The same thing happened with one of my best friends. She ghosted all of them and one even blocked her because she didn't obey his orders. So the reason is pretty much boring and repetitive and prevails in most men. So if you don't like it, you can always cut him off

[MysticDevice]

Sounds like textbook insecurities to me. I see that scenario a lot.

I'd advise giving this guy an ultimatum. "Quit being a dick or I'm out." I highly doubt the ultimatum will actually work, cause it never does, so the very next time be like "you had your chance" and walk away. Then he'll have to sit and reflect on it.

[RHK36]

Guy or girl, people that act this way don't change. You sticking around for the abuse enables him to keep doing it. Actions speak louder than words. By you not leaving or stop talking to him, he sees nothing wrong with his actions since there are no consequences.

[babysteph]

agreed. thanks

[Agape93]

I wish i could quantify my thoughts on this coherently.

[babysteph]

try 😂👀

[Agape93]

A mix of sociopathy/psychopathy, an over inflated sense of entitlement and flat out sadism.

[babysteph]

oh yikes.

[bowenw]

If he doesn't treat you like a princess and make you feel like you are the most important person in the world, it's time to send him packing. There is no excuse for him being disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is exactly the same to me when we fall out because of our different views on what’s wrong and right in our relationship... if I don’t see things his way or I’m upset by something he does... usually when I speak up about his interaction with other women, (exes and friends) he belittles me, calls me all sorts of nasty name and makes out I’m crazy so he can please himself and I just have to accept it. Has no regards for my feelings what so ever and turns it round so I’m the bad one!! Always me apologising and trying to save our relationship!

Well let me tell you I ain’t putting up with this no more so I left him... I know it’s hard when you love someone but there comes a point when you have to be the bigger person and refuse to put up with such disrespect!! Someone who loves you wouldn’t treat you in such a way and it’s all a power trip to them... bringing your self worth down to make them feel superior!!

In my opinion you should do the same and leave !!

[SavageGirl101]

Cause they don’t care about how they effect others they just want pussy

[babysteph]

💀💀

[na2398]

Well, he wants to impose himself on you. Since his desires are not being accomplished, he's being nefarious. You need to walk away lest he'll screw you up.

[argyle]

The guy is a control freak and a bit of a sociopath. You should avoid guys like this at all costs. They will suck the life right out of you.

[Newhead]

Sweet girl, it is abuse. Move on from people who treat you that way or it will eat you up inside having you believe you are not worthy of love.

[faithattah]

Could be for a number of reasons. Insecurity, they think it’s a game, they don’t actually care about you and your feelings, they secretly like you but don’t know how to show it, they don’t know what they want, boredom...🤷🏽‍♀️🤷🏽‍♀️

[Jamie05rhs]

I see a lot of red flags here. I would advise you to steer clear of this guy.

[Bratsondanielle]

If he's a dickhead he'll behave it

My boyfriend better be nice

And he is