Is it normal my boyfriend seems to get annoyed at small things ?

[Anonymous]

He has a list of things that i do that annoy him and piss him off. A few examples , I don’t put my shoes away all the time, when we’re texting if I reply while he’s still typing another message that angers him, if I say something he considers stupid. There’s more but I just can’t think of them.

If I do any of those things it starts a fight that lasts a few weeks and he says it’s my fault they last so long cos I “keep annoying” him. I feel he’s too critical about stuff that doesn’t matter? But he thinks I’m in the wrong

[Anonymous]

I feel you! My boyfriend gets that way too sometimes when he's overly stressed but it doesn't excuse his behavior. It's definitely not normal and it's going to take a toll on your mental health if you keep this going. I'm still struggling to work on this myself tbh... I was told that you need to pretty much ignore their tantrums, don't play into their games, if he starts a fight then just leave him alone to cool off - don't try to cater to him or chase him, don't apologize for things that you haven't done. You gotta set some boundaries and tell him that this is not right, and that he needs to find a different way to let out some steam instead of using you as his punching bag but you'll be there to support him still.

On the other hand, he might be feeling stressed out over something and he's lashing out on you in order to feel better (but this is very immature). My boyfriend also gets pissed over the tiniest things and it's super frustrating, you feel like you're walking on eggshells all the time. The best thing to do is to give him some space, get yourself busy so that you guys can spend some time apart for some "me time". Maybe once he cools off he can start opening up to you about what exactly is bothering him so much that's causing him to lash out, or maybe he just has anger issues...

[Asker]

I do feel like I’m walking on eggshells making sure nothing I do or say will annoy him. He says he’s told me everything that pisses him off and all I have to do is stop doing them. But I do still say stupid things cause it’s so hard to be perfect and never say anything wrong. I’m just being me by saying stupid things sometimes. They’re small things but they are big to him because we end up fighting for weeks about them and he says if I keep doing them we will fight longer and longer to the point we’re not talking anymore. So he blames me for all the fights

[Opinion Owner]

That's unfair for him to ask of you. You're not a robot, he's being manipulative and controlling. He doesn't have the right to control your actions, why is it even your responsibility to maintain his good mood? Yes as a partner you definitely need to consider their mood and try to make them happy but what he's asking for is plain stupid. Why is he still with you if every little thing that you do annoys him... Let me guess, you're also not allowed to complain about his behavior that upsets you bcs he's always right and it's always your fault for thinking negatively of him (this is my personal experience lol, sorry I'm getting heated just thinking about you - you deserve so much better luv!)

[Asker]

I don’t know why he’s still with me, he seems to have more problems with me than not. We’ve been together 3.5 years and live together so maybe it’s hard for him to break up. I’m so easygoing if he annoys me I don’t even bring it up if it’s not worth it cause I don’t like causing fights. I seem to cause them anyway just being me. What do you suggest I do?

[Opinion Owner]

He's definitely comfortable with you (maybe too comfortable to the point of him treating you for granted like this). I think you definitely need to get some space away from him and start ignoring his tantrums - he's definitely just trying to pick a fight no matter what you do, some people thrive on drama. I'm still going through the same thing myself so I don't have a solid answer but you need to set some boundaries, give him and yourself space to self regulate. When everything's calm, try to talk to him about what really is going on, if there's anything deeper that's bothering him but most importantly you need to start prioritizing your own mental health.

You're not at fault, you being you is not the problem, it's him and his own issues that he's projecting towards you, he's basically treating you like a punching bag...

[Asker]

I do try to ignore him when he gets annoyed about things but it’s kind of impossible cos he will bring it up and he will act pissed off with me for weeks, no affection, no sex nothing so it’s hard to ignore it cause I feel like his roommate then. Even if I carry on as normal he will still be mad for weeks. And I can’t talk him out of it no matter how hard I try. I don’t think there’s anything deeper he doesn’t act this way with other people and when i ask him why just with me he says other people don’t annoy him or act stupid just me

[Asker]

And yeah every single fight we’ve had is my fault according to him. Like every single one, I’m always in the wrong and even if I don’t think I am sometimes he will convince me I am. I don’t know how one person in a relationship can be always wrong and the other is an angel. It’s a mind fuck. I think I’m a reasonable and easy going person but this is beyond me sometimes

[Opinion Owner]

Omg you pretty much described my relationship as well lol It most definitely is a mind fuck, it makes you feel like you're going insane I bet! He's just too immature to be in a relationship it seems, I don't think he'll ever self reflect enough to see the damages that he's causing in your relationship... he's a walking red flag tbh, controlling and emotionally manipulative, gaslighting you into thinking that everything's your fault is very immature and not okay. He definitely needs to grow up.

[artemisiaa]

I may be too young or not know enough about relationships but honestly, this does not sound right. I think a healthy relationship should be one where you focus on each other's good sides, be appreciative of each other and if there are any issues then work on them together. This just sounds like he is trying to find small things to complain about. I do not think this is healthy especially if it causes fights. If it gets too much then I say he does not deserve you. He is not appreciating your kindness and how amazing you are. He is just picking at small things that really should not matter. These are not issues to work on because these are normal actions people do everyday!

[Anonymous]

I can understand the shoes. But the texting, no. So in my experience w women, at least the ones I know as far as friends, co-workers, strangers I’ve met women are really messy. Especially their cars. I used to pick up food for everyone when I worked at the prison. Girl would always let me use her car, she’d pay for my lunch for making the run. Which was great. But damn her car was gross. Makeup everywhere, clothes, shoes. So I just decided to use my car after that. Took another girl’s car, same shit lol my sister’s car, same. Stepdaughter, same. Now I know some women are going to say this isn’t me. Ok I get that but a lot of women I’ve met in my life are like that. I also worked at the women’s prison part-time, women were disgusting. When they’d get in fights they’d throw used feminine hygiene products at each other. My girl has told me before women are gross when it comes to the restrooms

[Alex-Snow]

He sounds a bit controlling or OCD. He needs to learn to chill.

[Christoff92]

He has short term anger. So it's very common.

[Asker]

It’s not really short term though because if I do anything on that list it starts a fight and he will stay mad at me for weeks , mostly 3 weeks.

[Christoff92]

He finds those things annoying.

[EaterPeter]

Yes.

[EaterPeter]

That should be no