Introverted men: How 'special' does a woman have to be to you for you to actually ask her out or at least show your feelings?

Question

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

I would like to dissect this question into two parts.

Exhibit A: Life stage

In my current stage, I have no time to ask any girl out because I'm constantly grinding. I plan on doing Step 1 exam on 2024, which is a mammoth of an exam that takes 8 hours with 280 points total and 7 blocks. Even after I'm done with Step 1, 2CK and countless of hours of research, I have to apply to a ton of different spots so I can match into a specialty of medicine for residency training with an average work week of 80 hours for about 5 years. If you can't tell already, this is my priority for at least the next 10 years and a girl is not even something I'm worried about right now. At this day and hour, there's no one "special enough" to get me away from what I'm trying to achieve for my future career. If she's great, I don't want my work ethic to be defined by her , I want it to be defined by my attitude and hunger and motivation and the only way of proving that to myself is by already being in that spot before we meet. If she's not great and we meet right now, she'll probably ruin my whole life. Therefore, I would rather make a calculated decision to hold on and work in silence until that day comes.

I do believe that you have to be in complimentary life stages when you meet, and both ready to settle down. Complimentary doesn't mean similar, it means what it means, two pieces of a puzzle that fit together.

Exhibit B: Characteristics

I might be an introvert, but I'm not a shy person. To tell you the truth, I just don't like people that much. I'm more on the serious side and definitely like to think a lot about plenty of topics. I like my space and enjoy peace and quite. I am selective of who I bring into my circle, because I don't want people who don't see the world as I do to ruin what I have going on. People that are care-free and irresponsible, party animals and extreme social people definitely will not get on my good side. I am confident and can make a great lasting impression on folks when I do decide to talk and be more involved, but I'm not always available due to either being busy or not being bothered "aka introvert hibernation mode" when I've exhausted my social battery.

The woman in question would have to also be an introvert so at least she understands why I'm not always there and give me some space when I need it, and prefer to stay at home rather than go out. She will also have to be religious and traditional in her upbringing.

No, these characteristics are not negotiable and yes, this will eventually happen after I meet my own expectations for my career and start looking a partner, at some point in my early 30s.

I hope that answers your question.

CallmeTheKnight · Accepted Answer

It doesn’t matter if he’s introverted or not or how special you are. A man that’s interested is gonna ask you out.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

I’ve met a few over the years. Unfortunately all but one I discovered were married or otherwise taken. The one who wasn’t I just never found the right time or place to shoot my shot. It’s easy to talk yourself out of potentially embarrassing situations.

If I were to ask a girl out, she doesn’t have to be “special” in an exotic sense. She just has to be special to me. We must have the same life goals, similar beliefs in regards to religion and politics. We have to be on the same page for children and she must be kind, loyal and have a strong moral character. I have a few physical preferences, I’d like her to be relatively in shape and take care of herself, be feminine, and enjoy the outdoors, but I mostly just need to be attracted to her.

Obviously some of those things can’t be gleaned from casual conversation prior but maybe what I’m looking for is unusual or rare? Or maybe it’s just not socially acceptable to meet people in most situations anymore.

ohsheeT · Answer

I don't know about any other introvert but but I used to get embarrassed on showing my true feelings and I don't at all anymore because that's just who I am. When I'm with somebody that I really really like they're going to get every part of me and whether it be from words touch eye contact energy they're going to feel every thing that I feel because I'm going to allow it first of all and I want to share it because it's beautiful

There's many many depths and levels to each one of us and we only allow people in that we trust her that we love and we only allow them in so far

And I truly understand that because I used to be the same way now I just let it all out you're going to what you see is what you get and it's all the way from beast mode man to the most loving caring gentles man and I don't care what people think what people say because

They're only going to see a moment of who I am and if they want to judge me that's more power for them I mean it's cool I don't care because I'm way bigger than that and I'm not going to say I am not or I am too I'm going to say whatever dude this is me this is who I am and the girls that I give it to is going to be very lucky as I would tell the same way receiving her passion of her energy on who she truly is

And I kind of think introvert guys are cool anyway LOL sorry I had to say that because we're different but at the same time everybody's different it's just how different you are I guess I don't know I forget your question now but I probably took it the wrong direction but it's okay I was saying it for myself anyway to remind myself

Finchie40 · Answer

To be honest she has to have a lot in common with me , not in every aspect but similar , she has to have a loving caring heart , she has to show she isn’t a selfish person that only cares about herself , she has to be able to look at things positive over negative , if I feel her and I have great connection and chemistry and we enjoy being around each other, by her smiling and catching onto my sense of humor , I more than likely will ask her out to get to know her more and to see how well we connect together when we are by ourselves , For me to ask a girl out it takes more than just her looks to catch my interest

veganrogue · Answer

Strange question. I'm quite introverted, which means that I get my stimulation internally and I don't require outside sources. Extroverts get their stimulation from the outside as well as project themselves outside. That being said, if I'm in the mood, usually with some inebriating substances, I can be the life of the party. Introverts don't have any difficulty expressing feelings. Sure they won't be loud and boisterous, but being loud and boisterous is only one form of expression and generally the 'life of the party' (extrovert) is not talking about his or her feelings. I'd like to think that any woman I date would be special. For me it's pretty simple. I see her, I like her, I ask her out, if she says yes, we go on a date. I'm rather dominant with women, just in a quiet introverted type of way. If I see a girl I like, I pursue her. Think of a panther. Just because he's quiet, doesn't mean he can't growl (express himself) or hunt (chase the lady panthers).

intovertedguy · Answer

Be patient with him. I hope the following links will be helpful: How to Date Introverts, From an Introvert  9 Secrets About Dating an Introvert  Crushing On An Introvert? 11 Signs They Are Crushing On You Too

FunkyMonkee · Answer

What does being special have to do with it? NOT being an introvert has everything to do with it. If we weren't introverts, we'd have no problem asking you out. We'd ask EVERYONE out! Would you rather have a guy that goes after everyone or a guy that'd be thrilled to have just YOU? If you want him so badly, what keeps YOU from going after him?

dynamicyandere · Answer

I’m introverted and I was the one to ask the girl out in 5 of the 7 long term relationships I’ve had (which averaged about 2.5 years each).

If an introverted guy is interested and CONFIDENT, they will ask the girl out.

Guys that are hesitant about asking girls out aren’t facing an introversion issue, it’s a confidence issue.

Like another person mentioned before, introversion itself doesn’t make a guy shy. You can have very confident men who are also introverts.

But, dealing with people often feels draining to introverts.

So, introverts are very picky about who they want to spend their time around.

The woman they’re interested in will probably need to be like 1 of the 5 people (not exact, but I’m trying to make a point) in their lives that they genuinely would enjoy spending their time with.

DaveJord · Answer

I am not a true introvert, but I don't like crowds and yes it had to put yourself into social situations, when you know there is a group of people you have to deal with all at once. I am just better in smaller, quiet settings.

Honestly, all you can do is make time to make the introvert to build that trust with them. When go out take moments to make time with just for them. Socialize with people work the room but come back to your man every now and them and give them that hug and kiss. reassure them you are there for them as well.

If you are attracted to introvert then yes, be patient with them... but know you will have taken the lead from time to time and most introverts are fine with that honestly. But if they are serious introverts that honestly are so insecure about stepping out of their shell... then yeah, there isn't much you can do other then give them time an space.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I don't ask women out, and its not because of being introverted, its mostly because every single time, the woman has always been interested in me before I was interested in her, because I need to spend a lot of platonic time with her to know if I'm interested in having a relationship with her or not (a few years of platonic time, and most of them said they liked me within a few months).

It's also because I don't go on dates at all, even if I'm in a relationship or trying to be in one, I just hang out with her, I'm not into classical romance/courtship.

Anonymous · Answer

Never have I ever shared my feelings with the special ones.

They never would have wanted me anyways or so I believed.

But even if they did give me a chance, I know now nothing was ever going to work out.

I was too screwed up and depressed from my fucked up childhood. It was a long time before I was really capable of a real relationship.

I just have to hope that I stumble upon another special girl. But they're so rare.

Sometime I think maybe I should give up on finding someone who I just fall in love wirh like that. Just choose some cute bitch and live wirh not being truly in love.

Soteris · Answer

Depends on the situation. I have been in situations where I would simply not ask someone out no matter how much I liked them and at other times I was much more open to the idea. No matter how 'special' it is never a guarantee for me bur rather a matter of the circumstances I find myself in.

Curmudgeon · Answer

By "Special" do you mean "Stunning"?

If so, well, then you have it all wrong.

It is NOT that are not Special (that is, not appealing) enough. It is that you are SO appealingly Special that it is in some ways *terrifying* to the introverted man. He would rather toil more at work or take apart a motor than approach you, so special that you are.

ShadezMcgee · Answer

For me it was about a matter of comfortability and chemistry. If I could not enjoy being around her or could not converse with her and talk about anything or laugh for long periods of time, it was a no go.

Anonymous · Answer

What do you mean "special"?

She'll get what she gives. I'll tell her she's attractive, that i like her, enjoy her company. But if she let's that go passed. Or if that wasn't enough for her she doesn't get anything else.

Most women todatmy are emotional vampires. They don't want anything more than validation amd adulation and guys know most thier effort is wasted.

I know my value. If she's not smart enough to see it why would I want her? It wouldn't get any better from there.

Kunxter · Answer

In my case, special woman or not, I wil not ask her because I automatically expect rejection. I'm not saying all introverted men think like this, but in my opinion a lot of them do. In my case, my introverted nature and an extreme lack of self confidence is the reason for this. I don't believe any woman could like me so why would I bother?

MysticDevice · Answer

That's a pretty tough question.  You know that scene in Warm Bodies when the zombie sees a girl so beautiful it restarts his heart? Yeah, it's kinda like that.

ARWINGx1 · Answer

In my case... Well, I know that what's holding me back from being the one that makes the first move, is primarily 'cause of my autism.
More specifically, communication, which I've heard is one of my more predominant issues.

r4nd0mus3r · Answer

I'm very unlikely to make the first move at all. doesn't matter if I think she's the best girl in the world. Almost every time I've made the first move it went wrong. I've had more success waiting for the girl to make the first move. if you insist on not making the first move try to make it obvious you like him. painfully obvious. no guy wants to be seen as a creep, lose a friend, or make things awkward at work.

Anonymous · Answer

She'd have to be a woman of God that rivals pure freedom without any involvement in hookup culture, casual sex or promiscuity on any level period. No high body count. Even the most beautiful looking woman in the world would be rejected by myself if she had a high body count...

Lokiion · Answer

Being introverted has nothing to do with this I’ll ask her out if I like her regardless of how special she is. As fir the feelings part I show feelings its very different from how a lot of others do it I guess you won’t be able to tell I care but I do just show it very differently

gduffey83 · Answer

I'm very introverted but even so we do crave social interactions and usually for me at least my relationship give me PLENTY of socializing to fill my cup, it's an odd question , did he ask you out and u want to gauge how special u are by our answers? Lol I'm not sure.. most introverts wish they were extroverts. I wish I were more like that, but I force myself to engage and go for what I want some times I fall on my face but I also knock them out of the park when I make contsct

Senator754 · Answer

If I’m older than I believe is socially acceptable with a woman, I wait for the lady to make the move while I’m showing body language I’m interested. If she doesn’t ask me out or give me her phone number it wasn’t meant to be.

exitseven · Answer

I really like her but the thing that forced me to tell her was she started going out with some otherr guy. I had to fish or cut bait.

Pyrofox · Answer

Some sort of sign you actually want us helps often.

JesseP1nk · Answer

He needs to feel comfortable with you that might take time. Quickist way to get there is to talk to him about anything, be understanding and dont be judgmental. Good luck :)

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It's not about being special. That's not the point. That has nothing to do with it.
I knew a girl who was EXTREMELY special to me. I adored her. I thought she was a goddess. But she rejected me. That's why I don't ask girls out anymore.

Quigly · Answer

Why do you wait on a guy to ask you out? Don't you want a say in who you are with? This isn't the 1600's, Woman have the right to vote nowadays.

MementoMori777 · Answer

An introvert man isn't going to show interest unless she shows it as well, the comfort they get to show interest might be the fact that they believe she s interested as well

LiamJHayden · Answer

She just has to be somewhat compatible. I do not know if she is special in my eyes till I get to know her.

Anonymous · Answer

Very. I have only tried to court one girl. I viewed her very highly. She also is the the only one who had caught me staring, and I couldn't look away. She gave me butterflies in my stomach each time.

sepehril · Answer

I'll tell her, just when I'm certain she will not reject me if i tell her my feelings.

lightbulb27 · Answer

The more attracted i was the more id run… when i was insecure and shy.

Deformate · Answer

Invested enough to prove her commitment despite my eccentricities.

SolitarySolace · Answer

I don't ask women out. I didn't even get that far with the last one and I ended up having to take her to court.

boobliker · Answer

nothing to with that at all, we just need to feel we are not going to get rejected as that is what holds us back.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think that's how it works lol. If a guy asks you out it's because he finds you attractive. He might not even know anything about you yet.

Shy_Steve · Answer

She has to at least show some Kind of interest in us. What is so bad about you asking us Shy Guys out?

Darkest-Knight · Answer

She could be the most incredible woman I've ever met. I could be over the moon about her. But I will not ask her out. I don't like rejection.

AlexEfron · Answer

Very very close. To the extent where you probably friendzone me :3

Anonymous · Answer

I seek a woman without a romantic past where we can be each other's first real relationship. It seems impossible to get a woman, period. Plus, what some other guy on here said, it seems like everyone is taken.

Anonymous · Answer

All depends on the situation. and also how much the girl shows you and not several guys

DerekC321 · Answer

We need to have a deep connection. Trust.

jahaims · Answer

I married her lol

DreamLife7 · Answer

He's not interested in you.

Jltakk · Answer

I have to be ready for a relationship first.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

More special than the average person

justabuddy · Answer

Well... trust doesn't come easy... or quickly.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It takes a lot

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