Dumped over an anxiety attack?

[Anonymous]

My ex struggles with anxiety. He had panic attacks and whenever we would argue he would lie awake for hours despite us talking through everything.

I was recently dumped over reasons we had already talked through months ago & some of which, he never even mentioned.

I asked him if he wanted space to think about this decision and he told me he had made up his mind a couple months ago…after we got into an argument asking for him to compromise on spending one holiday with my family (we see his family every month and sometimes more, I thought it was a fair enough exchange for me to get one holiday.) He immediately insulted everything about it and I uninvited him and told him to not worry about it until we have a family (we’ve discussed this) and then I would like to spend it together with my family.

He told me he could never picture himself not spending holidays without his family, his mom would be sad, and he doesn’t agree on taking vacations but then is so excited to go places with his family or friends. He told me a weekly date night was too much and I made him feel like he was a bad boyfriend. I never asked for much I just liked to do things and wanted him to spend a holiday with me since I am close with his family!

I haven’t heard from him and all I want is to reach out and ask why all these issues caused a breakup when we talked through them & I thought we came to a compromise. Instead he just let them fester and it caused this.

[Deformate]

Its a complicated situation that I can see both sides of. I'll explain both as I go. On one hand, he is using his anxiety as leverage to control situations. He does this because the more control he has, the less he exposes himself to situations that cause anxiety and thats the main goal of anyone suffering anxiety with no real help. The problem with this is that it makes him inflexible, rigid, unwilling to compromise and its all because of a fear of loss of control. He wants to spend all his holidays with his parents. Its probably that he see's them as the only people who understand him and a co-dependancy issue is formed. People with anxiety tend to try to get better but when they struggle, aquire tunnel vision and seem to forget the people around them until after crisis, and then they tend to feel guilty. That guilt builds, but without a way of easing it they get very upset and angry at themself. Walls go up. They feel they need to control situations more to get better results and the cycle repeats.

[Mansearching]

Opposite happened to me. I had an anxiety attack and girl broke up with me. A lot of personal stuff at home was going on and stressing me out. Then when I was on night shift, a guy (which i didn't trust) dropped by her apt to hang out. He had a swagger that a snap of his fingers (figuratively) he could get any girl he wanted. So that was just the topper that sent me over.

She blamed me for it.

[DarkWinterNights]

He’s prioritizing his family and himself over you and is unwilling to compromise. He’s not showing you that he cares about you very much. I don’t think this is a healthy relationship and I don’t think the two of you are compatible.

[Anonymous]

Damn how you even survive with him such a dick he is 😂

[jahaims]

He isn't mature enough for a relationship