Guys, How do I tell my boyfriend I want to be complimented more?

[Chanchanbanan]

Dating 2 months. I was gonna say:

"Do u like me?". And I know he does or he would have dumped me a long time ago.

"Do YOU find me attractive?". No one else. Just me. And I know he does cause he told me when we were first dating.

And whenever he said yes to these things--hopefully-- I was trying to figure out how to respond that doesn't make it sound like this:

"Then why don't you compliment me more?" It sounds mean and blunt that way. Or should I just straight up ask him like this?

I put effort into certain outfits and he says nothing. My love language is words of affirmation and I know my needs aren't being met. His is definitely physical touch.

Updates

+1 y

And I even changed my style a bit to stuff he likes to see his reaction. I get nothin'!!! Of course it has to be something I like as well but still!!

[Effably]

This is awkward to read.

Have you tried to normalize compliments? As in, give him a lot, frequently? If you make it normal he will most likely reciprocate it. It is about creating positive habits and you of course need to take the lead on it if you are the one wanting a change.

If that doesn't work? Actually sit down together. Line out that you want both of you to express how awesome you are more often and that you are now going to give 10 compliments (or any number) to each other right away. They can be silly. And then set an on-going task, for both of you, to give an easier number (like three?) every day that week.

But both suggestions have the same core: You show him how and you do it too. Guys are generally not used to receiving compliments and giving them isn't something we're neccessarily understanding of either.

[Chanchanbanan]

Thank u I'll try this. I give him little compliments here and there. Like how he smells nice and I love the way he looks or how he's dressed. He doesn't do anything like that to me. But I'll compliment him more than I usually do. ☺️

[Effably]

Mhm. I mean hey, always good to remind your partner they have a cute butt from time to time.

Make it obvious though. Often and a little odd but genuine of course. And let him see you're happy if he does it back.

You got this. You're cool.

[Chanchanbanan]

Thanks a bunch!!

[caring__1]

You have different love languages. He is giving you what he wants, and you are giving him what you want, so neither of you feel special. Turning anything into an obligation will only lead to reluctance on the part of the other. Rather than expecting and demanding, just show appreciation when he does compliment you. Learn more about his love language and show him you enjoy giving him what he appreciates. Two self-focused individuals will never enjoy a healthy relationship together.

[BarryLiverstone]

Think I can help here. But first how many relationships have you both had?

[Chanchanbanan]

I've only had one and he's had several

[BarryLiverstone]

If he has had several relationships then unfortunately they didn’t “train” him well for you. Too bad but now you get to make him a better man

In general us guys don’t think about frequently giving compliments. For example if we tell you on September 1st you look beautiful we assume on September 30th you still know that’s how we feel. Make sense?

So what you will need to work on with him is encouraging him to use sweet words with you to acknowledge when you have made an effort.

So have you communicated to him that words of affection is your LL and when you did what did he say?

[Chanchanbanan]

I think I tired to in the past but he's pretty hauty and stingy with opinions.. He says he doesn't care what I do so that makes me think of course he cares about me he just doesn't care what I do or wear. So the fact that we're together is enough. And I don't agree with that. Tbh I have a nervous reaction of laughter and j need to be able to control it when I talk to him about this or he won't take me seriously.

And I noticed when we're intimate that I definitely feel loved but the little things aren't there outside of that. And that's what's bugging me.

This is of course just what I observed.

[BarryLiverstone]

Right so he’s acknowledged the bare minimum is to be in a relationship with you. He’s going to need to do more.

Yes you feel closer to him when you are intimate because not only are you meeting his LL but you are getting his undivided attention and all that validation and affirmation nearly meets your needs.

But the thing is he should be doing this everyday with words and not just to seduce you. Back to the frequency topic he should be trying to give you at least one compliment a day.

So here’s a few suggestions:

- watch the movie 50 first dates with him. And then talk to him and explain why she felt so loved as he makes an effort every day to make her fall in love with him. It’s over the top but can introduce the topic

- give him some examples and coach him. What compliments would you like? And when he tries the first few months go crazy thanking him and with positive feedback

- when you have rough days, come up with a strategy to tell him so that he knows he can be your hero and bring that smile. Not every day can we feel the best and you can work his ego by telling him on those days he can bring you back

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like you know this already, but if he doesn’t treat you like a gem outside of the bedroom how could you ever feel loved only having sex? That’s not a healthy relationship

[Chanchanbanan]

Thank you very much. I'll try this.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like you make an effort with style to look good. Keep that energy !

[Chanchanbanan]

I shall!! And I know when we first started dated with that honeymoon phase he was sweeter but he's just a gruff guy with everyone. I knew that. So I'll try and talk to him about this tomorrow.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yep that’s why I said you gotta train him. He can still be gruff with others but with you he can learn to be affectionate and caring. And it’s not a one time conversation. Plan to keep talking about it and other things at least weekly with him. Might not sound Uber romantic, but having a weekly couples meeting is very effective

[Chanchanbanan]

Yes sir!! Thank u!! I'll try to keep u posted.

[In_Trance]

talk to him