He went to war.. literally?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

I was seeing a guy on and off for a long time. Mostly sex. I got hurt. Usual story.
Except, we always stayed good.

Recently we were speaking, maybe going to meet and talk. Then literally the next day war broke out.
And he got called to do reserve duty.

After a few weeks he had a day off. I went and stayed the night with him.

It was really hard seeing him get ready to go back in the morning.
And he was a little distant, almost cold (cold for him, he’s not a cold guy).

I’m having trouble dealing with and differentiating between how much I care for him and want to be there for him while he’s literally on the front line and the feelings that I shouldn’t get too close or show to much affection (because we’re not together) and my own insecurities.

Basically, I don’t want to make it about me.

Until now, I’ve let most of the “check ins” come from him. And just been there when he needs me.
But that was kind of the problem with us to begin with.

I don’t know what to do, what to say, I want him to know that I’m here for him but I don’t know if that’s more for my sake or for his?

If anyone has any insight as to what a soldier might need and appreciate in such a situation I would be very grateful

[IslaTheWitch]

Any relationship contains two people, and both sides' needs, thoughts and insecurities should be addressed.

What his needs are is one thing. What yours are, another. Sacrificing your needs for someone else is always the shortest path to the disaster.

About his needs, he should be a source of information for you. If he doesn't want to share, it's also the information.

Talk to him. Ask him how he sees it. What he wants and what he needs. Answer with your point of view. And create something that will match you both.

What a soldier might need is hard to answer. Needs depend on the specific person. My friend in active service spends most of his R&R eating. He says food in his base or on missions is awful. He was injured and spent some time in the hospital, but still, the worst thing for him is food in the army.

[sage2021]

I would keep in mind that right now in his life he doesn't need anything but love and care for him. He is probably scared as he should be. Just don't turn anything into a problem for him. Just be supportive, asje if there is anything he needs you to send to him, etc.

[JHAYES317]

He’s going through a lot…war can be very mentally scarring and traumatizing…just be there for support in case he needs you, trying to maintain a relationship while this is going on would next to impossible.