Was he interested or just using me for sex?

[Cooljaguar]

I went on a date with a guy and we really vibed. He asked me on two more dates after. There was constant communication in between. We kissed on the second date and he asked me to come back to his place on the third and I said maybe next time. He kept talking to me for the next few days normally. He said he would make me dinner for our next date. He spent a good amount of money on these dates too. Over 400. All the dates were his idea and I always offered to pay. Was he just using me for sex?

[_Maya_]

That is a crazy amount to spend on dates. There is absolutely no need to spend that sort of money. Sometimes the best dates are the ones that don't cost a lot. Sounds like he is really trying to impress you. I hope he can actually afford to do that and not digging himself in a hole. As to whether this means he is trying to get in your pants? Hard to say but I lean towards yes. The reason I say that is there is zero need to spend that sorta money on a date. Again this goes back to the trying to impress you and then expecting something in return for these spectacular dates. The other reason is he tried to get you to his place. This isn't 100% certainty but I would be leary. By the way what does a $400 date look like?

[Cooljaguar]

My mistake I meant $400 in total

[_Maya_]

Oh okay. I was going to say damn that's a lot for one date.

[Anonymous]

If I’m being honest all guys think about is sex when they’re talking to a girl. Lol guys like what they see so they try to pursue it so the chances that any guy you ever talk to has thought about having sex with you. Now there’s the respect part is he very pushy on you? Does he try to move too fast? Those are things you have to look at. If he wants you and you feel he’s giving me vibes like he just wants to sleep with me step back and ask “hey I enjoy talking to you, what are your intentions?” And see if his words match his actions. I will say going over to someone’s house doesn’t necessarily mean sex but you both have to have self control. I personally wouldn’t recommend going over until you feel comfortable enough to where sex could happen cause the chances of you guys having sex in a room where you both are alone is pretty high. His actions will speak for him

[Opinion Owner]

Seems like he’s just pursing you at this point if it ever gets to the point he tries to make a move on you and you don’t want to them simply tell him hey I’m not comfortable with that yet and if he has genuine intentions with you he will be fine with it and brush it off, but if his intentions were solely to just have sex he would stop talking to you. Trust me I’ve dealt with many lol

[Cooljaguar]

He did make a move and I said maybe next time. He kept talking to me regularly for a few days and then went ghost.

[Opinion Owner]

I see that he initiated mostly I had a guy like that and he told me he didn’t know if I really liked him or not so I would try contacting maybe a hey how’s your day or something and then if he stops talking to you after that too then yea it was probably just sex

[Staximus]

How can a guy have used you for sex if you haven't had sex with him yet? 400 on each date? Jesus Christ. What kind of Hollywood bullshit dates are you going on?

[Cooljaguar]

I meant $400 in total sorry

[Staximus]

That's not so bad

[spartan55]

How is he using you for sex when you haven't had sex yet?

[Cooljaguar]

Well he ghosted me. I didn’t have sex with him on the third date so was that all he ever wanted?

[spartan55]

You didn't say anything about him ghosting you in your original post.
Who was initiating contact when you were seeing each other?

[Cooljaguar]

I thought I added that. He was always the one initiating. He would keep the conversation going too. The last conversation we had he asked me for a picture of my outfit since I was going to a friends party. He called me pretty and told me to have fun and the next day he never responded to my message saying we never made it out.

[spartan55]

Maybe he didn't think you were very interested.

[zeitgeist057]

Exactly. Guy is interested in girl (for more than "just sex"), does ALL the initiating, is excited about her, calls her, texts her, takes her out, has fun with her, and gets horny for her. She keeps physical distance and refuses his advances because she's being "hard to get" and trying to make sure "it's not just for sex", and so he does the respectful thing and moves on because she's clearly not interested, not mutually horny, just using him for the good times and expensive dates. Then she creates this narrative in her head that he was just "using her for sex". More like she used him for $400 worth of dates. Then to top it all off, she goes to a party, doesn't invite him (further evidence she doesn't want to make a connection or include him in her life, and is just using him when it's convenient for her).

I mean, it's not like either person is a bad person in this situation. It's just a classic case of people not having good communication and being honest with each other. Instead, it's game playing and assumptions made about the other person's intentions.

[spartan55]

@Cooljaguar
You did absolutely nothing to show him you were interested so he dipped. I don't blame him.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’m not sure that’s the only conclusion you could reach. Was he always initiating for all three dates and always sending messages first between?

[Cooljaguar]

Yes he always initiatives dates and sending messages. I found out an hour ago through the woodworks he’s not looking for anything serious right now. But he didn’t even try to see me again to have sex. Was he ever interested?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes he was interested. But it may be the case that because he had to do all the work he thinks you are not interested in him

[ThrillSeeker01]

Just wait and see if he's willing to go at your pace, and get to know you better

[elizamichale1]

Just based on this u can't really say that honey

[Cooljaguar]

Sorry I meant to add that he ghosted me a few days after the third date. I’m not sure how I can edit my original post.

[elizamichale1]

Ohh well then it might have been the case

[Danny_dan92]

He stopped talking to you?

[Cooljaguar]

Yea he did

[Danny_dan92]

Yep. He just wanted sex

[Cooljaguar]

Would guys wait longer if they really liked you?