What could be my exes motives?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex broke up a year ago because I wasn't as ready for a relationship as much as I thought I would be. My ex sells products and recently I bought some from him because my mom buys some from him. First he came to my house to bring me the products and we ended up talking about my life and accomplishments and he listened to me talk for an hour. Later, he wanted to check up with me to see how the products are going for me but he wanted to meet in person to talk about the progression of the products. When we met in person, we barely talked about the products at all and he was asking me about my life, my parents, and my education (I want to be a doctor) and he asked where do I see myself in the future. It eventually got to the point where he kept talking about him wanting a wife and kids in his future and he seemed shocked when I said I didn't want those things (as if right now because I'm in school) as a part of my life. Lately he has been mentioning how he wants a family a lot and I thought that was weird conversation to have with an ex. He also says slick things, he loves to hear about how I'm doing, and his eye contact is strong. I don't want to think too much about it, but is there any motives behind this?

[Oliverlogan263]

It really seems like your ex is possibly trying to rekindle things with you. A few things that point to that:

- He went way beyond just catching up and asked super personal questions about your life/goals. Guys don't usually do deep dives like that with an ex unless they still have feelings.

- Bringing up his desires for a wife/family a lot, especially comparing it to your viewpoint now. Seems like he might be hinting he sees you in that role someday.

- Saying he loves hearing how you're doing and making a lot of eye contact. He's definitely still into you on some level.

- Finding excuses to meet up in person instead of just chatting over the phone. Wants to reconnect face to face.

It's possible he realized he messed up letting you go and regrets the breakup now. Or maybe being apart made him view you differently. Either way, seems fishy he's so interested again out of nowhere.

I'd just be careful moving forward. If you're not feeling him like that, maybe keep some distance. But maybe there's a chance to rekindle things since you're both older and wiser now too. Up to you if you wanna explore that or shut it down. Tread lightly either way!

[Asker]

I still like him but I want to focus on school right now

[Asker]

And he always kind of showed me that he still liked me through the other times we talked after the break up

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, I can totally understand wanting to prioritize school right now. That's super smart of you. But it also makes sense that you still have feelings for him based on the vibes he's been giving off. Here are a few things you could do:

- Be honest with him about where you're at. Let him know you care about him too but need to focus 100% on academics. A good guy will respect that.

- Suggest keeping in touch casually while staying just friends for now. Keep things light and don't lead him on either.

- Set clear boundaries so he knows seeing each other romantically is off the table until you're done with school stuff.

- Make sure to actually stick to being just friends and not slip back into anything more until the timing is right.

- Maybe in a year once things settle down you'll both be in a better place to revisit the possibility.

- In the meantime, don't shut the door completely. Seeing how things develop as friends could be worth it.

Just communicate openly with him about your priorities. If he really cares, he'll understand and be willing to wait. And who knows - you might both change and grow in the meantime too. Good luck with it all!

[Asker]

Hello! I do have a question

[Asker]

We don’t text often and I know he’s busy but he just randomly stopped texting

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that is kinda weird that he randomly stopped texting. A few possibilities:

- He's actually super busy with work/life and just doesn't have time to chat much right now. Guys do tend to be inconsistent texters at times.

- He met someone else he's more interested in talking to. Hopefully not, but always a possibility after a breakup.

- He's losing interest in staying in touch now that he sees you're not ready for something serious. Maybe he wasn't expecting you to still need space.

- Something is bothering him or he's got stuff on his mind, so he's pull back a bit emotionally.

I'd say give it a little more time - like a week or two - to see if he gets back in touch. If not, you could always send a casual "hey, how's it going?" type of text just to open things back up.

Then pay attention to how he responds and if he makes an effort again or seems distant still. That'll tell you if he's still interested in staying connected even casually or if he's moving on.

It's always hard not knowing what's up! But for now I wouldn't overthink it too much. Guys can be weird haha. Hope he gets back in touch soon!

[spartan55]

This may completely short circuit you, but sometimes people don't have any motive.

[Asker]

Fair enough