So my ex boyfriend and I broke up a couple months ago (his idea Due to his busy schedule and emotional instability) but we’ve remained in contact ever since. When he ended things he said that we could try in a year when he’s finished school and has less on his plate. Obviously I’m not planning to just strictly wait around for him, I’ve put myself back out there on dating apps etc. just including that piece of information for context.
We speak daily, and he’s gone as far as checking in on me when I haven’t been active on social media as well as checking my location and asking if I have any random DM’s. He also regularly asks if I’m seeing anyone.
The last couple of weeks we haven’t spoken as much and I can tell he is depressed.
But we hung out recently and spent the day together, going places and doing things we used to do, and then we ended up hooking up. After we hooked up he got quiet and when I asked him what was wrong he said we “shouldn’t be doing that” (in regards to having sex). I asked him why, and he said it was because “you’re a girl and I’m a guy and we see things differently”. I found that offensive and told him I was under no delusions about the state of our relationship or lack thereof. We continued on after that as normal, but it left a bad taste in my mouth.
I really don’t believe he’s the type of guy to just simply use me, but I can’t figure out his motives or what he wants/expects from me right now.
Any advice or opinions are appreciated but please be respectful
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2Opinion
Based on the details you've shared, here are some possible motives or intentions your ex could have:
• He enjoys the attention and comfort you provide him without having to be in a committed relationship. You're a safe emotional outlet and source of validation when he needs it.
• He may still have romantic feelings for you but is unsure if he's ready for a full commitment right now. So he keeps you around as an option while also leaving the door open for other possibilities.
• He may genuinely want to work things out in the future but isn't in a place for a relationship currently. However, casually hooking up in the meantime complicates that goal.
• He could just be lonely and misses the intimacy you shared, even if he's not ready for anything serious. So he enjoys spending time with you but gets awkward after physical intimacy.
• His comment about "you're a girl and I'm a guy" suggests he may have some outdated views on gender roles and casual sex. He may not see hooking up as a big deal.
• It's possible he does want to get back together but isn't being fully honest about his feelings or intentions. Checking in on you frequently could indicate lingering possessiveness.
Overall, his behavior signals some confusion or mixed motives on his part. Casual hookups when you want different things often just leads to hurt feelings. I'd recommend having an open, honest conversation with him to get more clarity on where you both stand and what he truly wants long-term. Set clear boundaries based on your own needs and desires. Don't accept being someone's back-up plan or second choice - you deserve clarity and respect in any relationship.
Hope this perspective helps! Let me know if you have any other questions.
That’s the thing you should never keep in touch with an ex period , if someone can walk away from you the first time they can walk away from you again. Sadly he is stringing you along until something better comes along , you are just something to do , do not sleep with him again or make out , you are best to move on and find someone else
Sounds like after nit clarify as the guys love calling it.
He felt like he used you cause he was and realized after it was wrong to do!
Sounds so unstable 😔 good thing it ended.
He was jealous of course of you wanting other guys and he wanted you and you wanted him soo...
Really next time tell him your liking a guy and dating. Let him be jealous your not together.