Not looking forward to this date. How can I at least look at this guy through neutral lenses?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy at a party... wasn't attracted to him at all. However he is one of the few guys whose had the guts to ask me out on some coffee so... I was wondering, how can I give him a chance without physically emotionally shutting him out.

:( This is hopeless... why do guys I am attracted to not ask me out and how do I give the guys I'm not attracted to a second chance?

[louise111]

Personally I think you have to be attracted to someone from the start, I don't think you can make yourself attracted to someone. You know as soon as you look at someone if you find them attractive! However, he may treat you well, make you happy, and have a great amazing personality! So I would say go for it!

[Asker]

Lets say... that attraction can gradually grow.

[louise111]

have you ever heard the expression "dont judge a book by its cover" You could be missing out on something really great here if you don't give the guy a chance! Just saying

[zinclozenges]

Don't lead the nice guy on. If you're not attracted by someone, don't waste your or his time.

[Anonymous]

First of all, don't go out with guys you aren't attracted to. You aren't 'giving them a chance', you aren't a prize yourself. As is evidenced by the lack of interest from guys you find attractive.

The hot guys don't approach you because they can do better. That simple.

[Opinion Owner]

Following the advice of louise111 will make you a total user.

[Asker]

As a matter of a fact I am a prize... and well everybody deserves a chance. In the worst of cases... we'll simply drink coffee, if I continue to not like him I will show every nonseductive aspect of myself "Like talking about exes and a bunch of no no`s". So in the worst of cases he'll be turned off and we just drank coffee and then we could be friends.

[Opinion Owner]

You could do that. Or you could say that it was a bad idea to accept the invitation. That there isn't any chemistry and to basically be an adult for once in your life.

[Asker]

As an adult I'm open to getting to know people even if I'm not attracted to them.

[Opinion Owner]

Whatever you want to tell yourself. You seem to like to lie to yourself. "I'm a prize" yeah? Then where are the attractive men? "I'm an adult" Yeah? Then why play games to make him less interested?

[Asker]

OK... my attraction statistics are 1-2 guys per year. If I follow your advice I will be single the rest of my living life. I generally do not find most guys attractive and they are usually not physically hot by societal standards. Games played on the contrary to "unseduce" are more ethical than continue seducing the guy when not interested. And we all play games, manipulate, lie... even as adults. Have you ever heard the saying... he who points a finger points 3 back at himself?

[Opinion Owner]

In other words, you aren't a prize, but want men who are top catches instead of us regular guys.

Sorry, I empathize with the average guy in this scenario who may not realize how shallow the woman he invited to coffee is.

[Opinion Owner]

And you are only thinking of yourself. You don't care that by taking some man you don't find attractive off the market, you are preventing him from possibly finding a woman who adores and appreciates him.

You are totally and completely self-centered and in the wrong.

[Asker]

Self centered... yes. Wrong. Nope. I'm not taking him off the market if we are just friends.

[Opinion Owner]

Your question was how to date people you don't find attractive. And further down in your comments to me, you mentioned that you'd be single for life if you followed my advice.

So clearly we are talking about finding a boyfriend for you, and you learning how to stomach this "unattractive" boyfriend so as to avoid being single.

So if it's not this guy but some other guy, the end game is he's off the market. And unavailable for real love from someone who might fully adore him. Totally evil.

[Asker]

You are never off the market for real love. My father fell in love with my mom and he was married with 2 kids with another woman. You never take away a person's chances of love and people are not stupid. They know when you love them and when you don't. Everybody makes choices and he could be in the same boat I am. You should stop judging so harshly and start asking out girls (since you are so smart you'll avoid my type).

[Asker]

You are never unavailable for real love unless you want to be unavailable and honestly speaking, people tend to know when you do or don't love them. For all you know... he could be in the same boat. But I get your answer... if not attracted don't give him a chance.. cause you will never, ever ever be attracted to him so discard him don't even talk to him to get to know him and improve your skills at attracting the guy you want.

[Opinion Owner]

If someone is in a relationship, they are off the market. You can't be intimate with one person without cheating on another. You are doing a bang-up job defining yourself as a heartless self-centered, wicked woman. Do the guy a favor and leave him be. You aren't a positive element in anybody's life.

[Asker]

Correction... not heartless but human. You are too dumb to ever understand and accept people and how unusual real love is. Any woman dating you... would be too scared to be their true selves around your prejudiced ass.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm prejudiced because I would insist that a woman find me both physically as well as spiritually attractive in order to date me and get the best of what I have to offer?

I think not. I know real love is rare and hard to find. People like you don't make it any easier, time is short and this man needs all the time he can get in order to look for it.

We all do.

[Opinion Owner]

Look, sorry for being so harsh. I was just trying to make a point.

Simply put, if you don't find the guy attractive, leave him to try and find someone who will. That's the right thing to do.

[Asker]

An afternoon of drinking coffee won't hurt and that will be all that is wasted of both his and my life if I continue to not like him.

[Opinion Owner]

True enough.

[mystix]

honestly if girls ever a maybe in my book I delete her phone asap girls are much more disposible