A guy I've gotten to know and I often engage in a lot of banter.
We have the same sense of humor, so we often call one another ugly names and then laugh our asses off.
He calls me Quasimodo, I call him Dickhead. It's something we thoroughly enjoy.
We don't hang out outside of our mutual community, but we do often spend time together when we're there.
Recently I joked about his behaviour to which he replied "but you still love me" then waited for my reply. I pinched my fingers together a eventually said "just a tiny bit, but only if it's mutual," he replied by pinching his fingers like I did and said "just a tiny bit". Give two playful punches in my belly and walked away.
I jokingly exclaimed "Hey, my baby!" To which he replied "Doesn't it sit on your backside?" Referring to my ass. I laughed along and said it was a conjoined twin, and the two of us kept joking about my "twins" for a minute before I left.
We have interactions like this more often than not, which is why I thought he might be interested. However, I just now learned he is in a relationship with someone.
Is this kind of behaviour normal when you're in a relationship or would you consider it (emotional) cheating or whatever term you'd use?
We have the same sense of humor, so we often call one another ugly names and then laugh our asses off.
He calls me Quasimodo, I call him Dickhead. It's something we thoroughly enjoy.
We don't hang out outside of our mutual community, but we do often spend time together when we're there.
Recently I joked about his behaviour to which he replied "but you still love me" then waited for my reply. I pinched my fingers together a eventually said "just a tiny bit, but only if it's mutual," he replied by pinching his fingers like I did and said "just a tiny bit". Give two playful punches in my belly and walked away.
I jokingly exclaimed "Hey, my baby!" To which he replied "Doesn't it sit on your backside?" Referring to my ass. I laughed along and said it was a conjoined twin, and the two of us kept joking about my "twins" for a minute before I left.
We have interactions like this more often than not, which is why I thought he might be interested. However, I just now learned he is in a relationship with someone.
Is this kind of behaviour normal when you're in a relationship or would you consider it (emotional) cheating or whatever term you'd use?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
You definitely need to be careful about this guy's behavior if he's got a girlfriend. The "love me" and "baby" stuff crosses a line emotionally, even if you both just joke around.
It's easy to catch feelings without meaning to when someone gives you that kind of attention, especially if you vibe together. And it never ends well getting between someone else's relationship. Not worth the drama it could cause!
If I were you, I'd have an honest chat with him. Make it clear you value his friendship but the flirty jokes aren't cool anymore now that you know he's taken. Set some boundaries so nothing inappropriate happens down the line.
And trust your gut - if his "friendship" seems shady or like it could lead to more, then distance yourself girl. You deserve way better than being anyone's side piece. You got this! Just do what feels right and protects your heart sis 💪
Although there is definitely walking a fine line towards emotional cheating territory if you ask me. A few things stand out:
- The way y'all joke around calling each other cute names like "baby" is kinda couple-y vibes. Crosses a friendship boundary I think.
- When he said "you still love me" and you kinda played along pinching fingers, that gave intimate vibes that go beyond just friends.
- Seems like you two really connect and understand each other. Which is cool, but also makes it easy to catch feels if you're not careful.
- At the end of the day, he's taken. His girl probably wouldn't appreciate how close you two are joking around. Even if you think it's harmless.
I wouldn't necessarily call it full on cheating yet since feelings don't seem really involved. But it's definitely an emotional bond forming that blurs the line of just being platonic. Tread lightly sis!
You don't wanna be "the other woman" or cause problems in their relationship. Might be good to have an honest chat setting clearer friend boundaries with him, outta respect. Protect your heart too girl! You decide what feels right.
I love your answer.
Thank you for your honesty, for the insight, for the kindhearted approach.
Will definitely take a step back, because I wouldn't want to be the woman that's messing up someone else's relationship. I'd hate it if that happened to me.
Even if they're heading to an end and he might be testing his waters, that's all fine, as long as it's not on behalf of me or someone else who could be in the picture.
Thanks for the elaborative reply!
Aww it's nothin sis, really appreciate you hearing me out too! That's real mature of you to wanna take a step back - props to you for bein so considerate.
And yeah exactly, as fun as the flirtin n whatnot may feel, it ain't worth potentially wreckin another woman's situation over. That messy drama energy ain't cool feel me? You seem too dope for all that.
Plus like, even if him and his girl headed south already, the respectful ting is still lettin em ride that out on they own timetable, not gettin in the way.
Anyway I'm just glad we could chat this out - sometimes an outside perspective helps! You keep doin you, queen. His loss if he can't see how much of a real one you are. Now go live your best life and stay swole, aight? ✌️
So, an update:
We met again today. First came in, giving kisses to wish a happy new year. Very caught of guard cause no one did that.
Then we had to work in pairs so we paired up. Throughout the entire time, even when we told to switch partners, he wanted to stay together. I said we should be more serious because eventually he kept asking why I hadn't dated anyone (we joked about me being "a slut" and then I mentioned I had never). We did talk about his girlfriend and his child, so I'm trying to read not too much into it, but so much was happening tonight, I was thoroughly confused the whole way through.
Afterwards before we went our separate ways, we talked for a little longer at which point he mentioned we should work together again. Then blew a kiss a couple of times before leaving. It was obviously a joke, but still... very much mind farted.
Woah, this whole situation is super messy and confusing. On one hand, it seems like you guys get along really well and have fun together. But the fact that he has a girlfriend totally complicates things.
A couple things stand out to me:
- Kissing you on the lips to say happy new year is definitely crossing a line if he's in a relationship. That's more than friendly.
- Him constantly wanting to partner up with you alone instead of switching like you were supposed to is another red flag.
- Joking around calling you "a slut" is disrespectful, especially from a guy who's taken.
But, I guess the good thing is he at least mentioned his girl and kid to you. Still, his actions don't seem too faithful if you ask me.
Honestly sis, as much as you like hanging out with him, I don't think it's a good idea to get any more invested in this guy. He's clearly sending some mixed signals and keeping you confused on purpose maybe so he can have his cake and eat it too.
You seem like a really sweet girl - you don't need that kinda drama in your life. If I were you, I'd try to take a step back from him and make it clear you just wanna be friends, nothing more. And keep your guard up, cause dudes like that will just keep stringing girls along.
You deserve way better than being someone's side piece. Keep your head up - a real one is out there who won't play games! Let me know if you need any other advice.
Wait wait wait. I agree on your insights, thank you for those, they still apply even though I just want to make something clear.
1) he did not kiss me on the lips, it was on the cheek. It was three kisses on the cheek. I wasn't clear on that, apologies.
2) the 'slut' part was my call. We both joked about it for a while afterwards.
Nevertheless, there's been a couple more things that took place yesterday that are definitely questionable. So I'll take your advice on that.
Thank you :)
I'm very appreciative of your point of view.
Ah gotcha, thanks for the clarification! Okay so cheek kisses aren't quite as bad as lips, but still a little flirty depending on context. And hey, no worries - we all make jokes sometimes that don't quite read right through text.
A few more questionable things definitely do call for setting clearer boundaries though. Like I said before, some casual flirting may not mean much, but you gotta look out for yourself too. Don't wanna end up catching feels if his situation at home isn't fully secure, feel me?
I'd say have another chat with him like I suggested - lighthearted but straight up. Let him know you wanna stay cool but need things kept respectful and PG rated for everyone's sake. See how he reacts and take it from there. And if you ever start feeling iffy about any of it, don't be afraid to distance yourself til things make better sense. You deserve to feel 100% good about any situation you're in! Keep me posted on how it goes sis 🤜🤛
he said only a bit. so not cheating