This guy I have been seeing knows that I have been hurt in the past, and he kept telling me over and over that he won’t hurt me?

[Hawaiikai]

I don’t know what to make of that. It’s really hard for me. I have trust issues. In my mind I’m thinking whatever lifes to short just go for it. But the other side of me is saying to be cautious and of course, protect myself with my emotions.

[Oliverlogan263]

Aww man, I get it - trust is hard once you've been burned before. That dude saying he won't hurt you is sweet and all, but words are words, ya know?

At the same time, closing yourself off ain't the way either. Maybe try feeling it out slower this time instead of all in or nothing. Like, see if his actions match what he claims over more time. Does he actually listen when you open up? Is he consistent?

Keep one foot out the door emotionally at first so you don't dive deep too fast. But with the other foot, let yourself have fun and enjoy the new connection for what it is now.

Don't psychoanalyze every little thing neither. Give dude a real chance to prove himself rather than writing him off preemptively just cuz of old stuff. Ease into opening up more when it feels right.

Balance is key, ya feel me? Protect your heart while still living your life. Ease up on yourself too - you deserve to be happy. And maybe this one will surprise you! Just take it slow and pay attention. Trust but verify and all that. You got this sis!

[Hawaiikai]

Thank you so much for replying. I agree totally! Yes, I have been burned before real bad. I am not into it totally totally, but I do have feelings, but I do try not to focus on that. It sucks but I realized also. Yes I should have fun and just enjoy the moment. I’m trying not to be so closed off, but I am. I think I just need to work on myself too. At the same time I totally believe the saying. What seems too good to be true is actually too good to be true because that has happened to me. This one feels a little too good to be true, but not all the way. And it does feel a little too soon but I realized I’m OK being alone for now I kind of don’t need anybody. Adjust the feeling of human connection in that way feels amazing. And I’ve always told myself if I have to be alone and end up alone so. Do I want to be alone forever, no ways. I don’t think most people don’t want to be alone. But we will see what happens! I literally screenshot your answer. Thank you!!

[Hawaiikai]

And I forgot to mention he is going out of state in a couple months. Yeah, I don’t think so. Lol.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem sis, I'm always down to lend an ear and share my thoughts. Sounds like you've got a wise head on your shoulders already - you know what you want and don't want, and you're right to protect your heart after getting played before.

Aight, couple months and then he's gone? Yeah no, that'd be dumb to get all invested just to see it fade out quick. Waste of your good energy, feel me? Paying attention to the little details like that is smart.

But hey, since you said you do feel a connection, I'd say keep it casual and fun for now if you wanna hang. Keep your guard up a bit though, and don't get sad if he bounces - you know your worth ain't tied to what some dude does. Maybe you'll make a friend or just have some good memories.

Or maybe you do end up falling, and that's chill too if that's what happens organically. But at least you're protecting your feels going into it eyes wide open. Proud of you sis, keep thriving no matter what! Your happiness comes first always.

[Hawaiikai]

Thank you! Yes he leaves in a couple months then he will be back, I didn’t ask how long he will be there. I don’t think he would even check up on me as much as he does here. I’m pretty sure he will find someone. Heck, he might move there. (Knock on wood). And this isn’t petty talk of mine, I’m just trying to be realistic as possible. But yeah who knows. I need to learn how to go with the flow. If he does bounce, realistically I would be sad, insecure and all that but we can only control ourselves. at least i know I’m a sweet nice fun person kind person. I have common sense but I just don’t use it well 😕 every time I get hurt from guys in the past I would literally cry and put my hand over my heart and say it’s ok and give myself hugs hahah.

[Oliverlogan263]

Mama honestly you sound like such a catch, don't even stress yourself over this guy too much! Guys are always gonna come and go, no need to be crying over em.

I feel you on wanting that connection, but at the end of the day you gotta put yourself and your peace of mind first. Like if this dude bounces and breaks your heart when he moves, fuuuuck that noise, who needs it!

Don't be so hard on yourself either - we all mess up with dating before we figure it out. But you seem self-aware, learn from past mistakes, plus got a great heart. Those are way more important traits!

My advice, just chill and see how it plays out. Have fun in the moment together, but don't get too invested yet either. keep your independence. Once he leaves, then you'll have your answer on his real intentions without trying to control anything.

And know that whatever happens, you'll be aight! Can't rely on no man for your happiness long run anyway. Chin up boo, I believe in you! You're gonna get through this and level up even more, mark my words.

[Hawaiikai]

I totally get it now. I have to respect myself. And I will continue to do soo. I have a question, do you think I’m just trippin out, or this has a reason.

Our convo.

I’ll grab you, we can hang out 5:45 him

5:47 me:
Really? Foreal?
Like you’re down?

No reply

7pm me:
Wait did you mean tonight?

9pm him:
When ever you wana hang, I’m down

Him 9:15pm
You tell me what you want. If we need to plan it. Let me know. If you want now, then let’s do it.

9:17 him
You wana be with me tonight?

Him 9:40 pm
I guess I was too late

Him next day (today)
We still cool mama?

Like am I just tripping out or I have a reason to be annoyed or upset not like mad I’m just like what the fuck. It’s like now he’s asking me when he asked first. I don’t know maybe I’m just being a child 🤣😒

[Hawaiikai]

I just didn’t reply he lives almost 1 hour away from me

[Oliverlogan263]

Nah I don't think you're trippin, that interaction does seem a bit annoying and confusing. Like he asked to hang out at 5:45 but then didn't confirm plans or give you more details. And then he's asking you what you want later like he didn't initiate earlier. Plus living an hour away makes planning harder. I'd be kinda put off too by the back and forth without a clear answer. At the same time he might just be disorganized and bad at planning - some guys aren't the best communicators. But I don't blame you for feeling off about it, it's inconsiderate of your time. If he really wanted to see you he'd make more effort. I'd say feel it out more going forward - if he keeps cancelling or not following through then you know where you stand. Don't stress too much but trust your gut too. Just protect your energy and don't give him more than he gives back, ya feel?

[Hawaiikai]

You are right it is kind of weird. I’ve never came across someone like THIS in particular lol. I swear I can’t with Theese guys lol. I’ll leave it up to him if he wants to reach out again even tho he asked if we are still good. He is a weirdo not in a mean way. Just in general. I can’t it erks my mind. Lol

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn yeah sounds like he's just trouble. I would honestly say don't waste your time with this weirdo anymore. Like you said, if he reaches back out then cool but I wouldn't hold my breath. Guys who play games and flake like that are annoying as hell. You seem chill, you don't need the stress of wondering what he's gonna do next. Just focus on yourself and having fun for now. Plenty of other dudes out there who will actually make plans and follow through if they're interested. This clown ain't worth your energy. Keep your head up Queen, you'll meet someone better who appreciates you soon enough!

[jaskin777]

Well ya I know how u feel ..
It hard to trust I do 2 have trust issues as well.
Take it a day at a time

[Hawaiikai]

I think that is best. I’m really feeling him.