Why do guys dig deep into your past and ask questions about exs and other things?

Question

I keep being blindsided by men I’m possibly looking to date.. that’s 3 now who have asked to chat on the phone instead of text and faked me loads of questions about why I’m divorced and why I don’t keep in contact with him anymore etc and it feels a bit judgmental even though I know it’s not

theREELZNEEZZ · Accepted Answer

Plenty of reasons.

The main one is that generally, despite all the barking on social media about women thinking "they are the table" and wondering what men bring to the table, the reality is that women tend to be a LIABILITY on the life balance sheet.

Let's say you associate with a woman who used to be the town bike. Great. There goes your reputation.

The sexual questions tend to be present to suss out genuine desire from "hangers on." Typically there's a problem if a woman has many instances of hooking up with a guy fast but for whatever reason making you wait 4, 5, or 6 "dates." That's an automatic no.

Let's say you've been in 'nothing but abusive relationships and you're just looking for a good man.' Automatic no. You make terrible choices.

It goes on and on and on and on.

Women are generally a liability in a RELATIONSHIP SETTING.

Which is why as time goes on it makes less and less sense to put yourself in that situation vis a vis a woman.

Fireguy17 · Accepted Answer

I think it is fair, it gives them a little window as to how you get along with you ex, who wants to be in the middle of constant drama esp if there are kids involved, and what happened, and why. I don't ask which way he pointed you during sex or anything like that, as it is none of my business.
I have been aske those types of questions before, and I am fine with it.
I am not at all offended by it, and it can make for some pretty funny conversations.
We all have a history and what and why something happened are just part of it.
If you had 6 ex-husbands that passed away unexpectedly, I think that would be a pretty large red flag.
All good information to spend with the rest of the class.
It is easy to look up some things about a person's history online, so sometimes it could be to see if the stories match.
Most people do not like being lied to right off the bat.

TenderFantasy · Accepted Answer

Maybe they just want to get to know you and what you're about? My last ex did the same thing but it didn't help that I was comfortable being an open book lol. I guess yeah, they're just trying to get to know you and what you're all about. Some (maybe a lot?) of people think that past behavior is predictive of future behavior, which isn't always true, at least in my opinion.

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

Curiosity. Plus they’re evaluating your fitness as a potential partner. Some girls are really curious and ask a lot of questions too.

Finchie40 · Answer

To find out your history , to find out if you were the cause of the failed relationships, Guy’s don’t want to be with a girl that can not be honest , that chooses to lie instead of telling the truth , sadly a lot of girls’ lie and think it’s ok to lie, and sadly that’s why most relationships fail because people are selfish only thinking about themselves.

worldscolide · Answer

To be honest a divorce is a red flag. Male or female its a red flag. If i were dating and the person i was into, was divorced, i would want to know what happened Especially since 80% of divorces are filed by women and not men. I want to know if i am wasting my time or not. It would be a hard pass if the reason you divorced was "I was bored".. And if you're a single mother, i would also be curious about weather or not the dad was participating in the kids lives and weather or not you were preventing him from being a father.. Because women tend to alienate fathers from their children.

Anonymous · Answer

Because it can be an indication of future relationships. If you were married 2 times you initiated divorce both times that doesn’t look good. And as much as women say body count doesn’t matter, to you it may not as women but to men it does. It matters a lot. No man really wants to be w a girl who has had multiple bodies. Especially if your bros have been w her. But most men settle for women like that because they don’t have the option of picking from a large amount of women the way your Chads or Tyrones do. Most women want a man w sexual experience. The only way a lot of men like sexual experience in a girl is if it’s a one night stand. Other than that we prefer an almost no body count to being a virgin. They want to know if you have issues, drama, do you cause drama, etc, etc.

love_conquers_lust · Answer

Your mindset isn't in the right place. They're probing about your history and taking an interest in you. I'd do the same to see what kind of SO you are and what you want in an SO as well.

On being judgmental, if you are not proud of some parts of your past, make it known so. Show me the god/goddess walking amongst us with no regrets or an impeccable past. You shouldn't be scared to be honest with an SO. The truth will set you free, AND allow you to be free to be yourself.

ManOnFire · Answer

Men want to know if you're broken or have past issues/baggage or not. I too have asked women questions like this before. It honestly is no different than when women think they're digging deep into a guy by literally paying to see his public records, except that men asking you questions upfront will get us better insight than a chick trying to get public records.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

If you can't chat on the phone I'm moving to someone else who can. It's too easy to catfish through text. Now that said, I only care about your ex if I have to shoot him through the door when he shows up in a drug-fueled rage. Beyond that it doesn't interest me.

If you know it's NOT judgmental, why do you let it feel that way?

RavVid · Answer

Well if guys are considering a relationship with you it is not as if you have a blank slate. You have a history as they do.

If a guy is divorced because his wife caught him having sex with his secretary you possibly would think he is a bad risk for you.

It is simply sensible.

Anonymous · Answer

I think it’s just standard procedure for a lot of people. I’d do the same thing if I were to date someone who was previously married. I’d want to know who was the one who left, and if the reason for leaving was valid. I’d want to know if any attempts at reconciliation were made. I’d want to know if there are kids involved. I’d want to know if I would have to deal with the ex or ex-in-laws.

Anonymous · Answer

You need to undersand that marriage is a mine field for men today. Half of them end in divorce, women file 80% of them, and men get screwed in divorce court. So when a guy sees a divorced woman he is bound to have questions, and who can blame him?

Not all divorced women are bad, but it's natural to want to know if one IS bad before invensting before stepping into that mine field again.

Apple1996 · Answer

I wouldn't be with a guy like that. It'd be annoying if they were asking all about my past. I'm guessing they are asking this stuff because they are insecure themselves about their past or lack of a past

Kaykay47 · Answer

In my personal experience it’s usually to understand what you’re willing to except. We fall in to a pattern when we are in our comfort zone and except certain behaviour due to its familiarity. People who are serious about you don’t really care as they want to know who you are now.

Anonymous · Answer

You're old hun. At this stage everyone has a past. When you're 20 nobody has been in the game long enough to have baggage. By this stage in the game guys have seen every red flag and trick a woman has in her bag. They're just probing your character, that's all.

Anonymous · Answer

For the same reason employers do background checks on job candidates before hiring them.

For the same reason creditors do credit checks before making a loan.

A person's past behavior is the best predictor or their future behavior.

I will add that if a man is not interested in your past, he's probably not serious about you. Think about that.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

What if you were in a job interview and the person asked about your work history? Would that be insecure and fake too?

JacobJordan · Answer

Because your past is going to determine your future. If you have had many partners then the guy knows to run. If you have had none he knows you are worth dating

exitseven · Answer

I think everyone is a little curious about the history of somebody that they are interested in.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Because your past is telling of your future. He can tell what type of person you are and how things might play out with you by your past choices and actions.

Amara_09 · Answer

And you don’t have to answer those questions. It’s none of their business

Phoenix98 · Answer

I only talk about ex's if it pops up in conversation or if ex's are relevant to what we're talking about at the time.

Anonymous · Answer

There is a saying "a woman likes a man with a good future and a man likes a woman with a good past".

dudeinohio · Answer

I prefer to text and I really don't ask about exes that much. I prefer to. keep the past in the past.

Vegasrunner · Answer

That's smart, they are trying to determine if your past disqualifies you from being taken seriously.

MikeTheBartender · Answer

At our ages I have no idea why anyone would ask!

RingOfFire · Answer

Could it be because it's important to them? Just guessing here.

SotiCoto · Answer

Because they're looking out for their own interests and can't trust you yet.

HouseMoat · Answer

To find out your history. We're doomed to repeat it if we don't remember it

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Why? Seriously? Only an idiot would NOT dig deep on a modern woman's past.  Those three men obviously didn't like what they found.

AngryCarl · Answer

They're just trying to get a picture of where you're coming from and what you're like as a person.

McKellar · Answer

The way I look at it is,... I won't ask such questions unless she's okay in talking about it. It's entirely up to her.

jahaims · Answer

Let's us know about your personality, morals and values.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

They want to get to know you and why you make the decisions you make.

Jennz6 · Answer

I think it’s just their nature?

dolemite58 · Answer

To see if ur a 304

Roudyrebel8 · Answer

Insecurity

Why do guys dig deep into your past and ask questions about exs and other things?

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