My good friend has started pulling away because I’m married. Is he starting to have feelings?

[Anonymous]

My guy friend and I have gotten close recently. Not sexually- we just have a lot in common, the same quirks, we even have the same genetic makeup (Norse). We talk all the time but now he’s pulling away. is he starting to have feelings? Or is he just getting bored with me now?

[Finchie40]

Why it’s not good to have close opposite sex friends when you are married , mainly for reasons like this. Don’t get me wrong , it’s ok to have opposite sex friends , just as long as those opposite sex friends respect your marriage, and don’t try to step over boundaries of your marriage, and don’t invest too much time into you , because the truth is , a guy or girl so called friend , is not going to invest a lot of their time into an opposite sex friend just to be friends , they more than likely want more than just friendship of that is the case , so it sounds like your male friend wanted more with you , but now that he realized he wasn’t going to get lucky with you , he started distancing himself or he might of met someone else , If he did meet another girl , out of respect for his relationship with her , he is going to start distancing himself from you, so he doesn’t get her jealous or upset. So you pretty much have your answer that he more than likely wanted more with you then just friendship

[Asker]

I appreciate your comment! Thank you

[Truthatanycost]

If he's pulling away after you've got married, then he has had feelings for you for ages already. Him pulling away is out of respect for himself, your husband to be and you. He must be a man of morals. But once again it also highlights the fact most men and women cannot be friends no matter how much they try to fool themselves.

[Asker]

Thank you for your opinion ! I appreciate it

[_Maya_]

If he is pulling away it could mean he developed feelings and thought it was in his best interest not to act on them because he didn't want to lose a friend. Once you cross the boundary of friendship into relationship and something goes wrong (big fight) you risk losing that friend. Same with getting physical or intimate. It puts the friendship in jeopardy. So he may have had feelings and didn't want to ruin things so he distanced himself from you to cool off. That's just a guess. It could also be he had no feelings at all and he wants to step away from the direction things were headed. Hard to say without more context.

[Light_beam]

That is why i didn't want to be your friend !

[_Maya_]

Okay then.

[Light_beam]

lol, come on.. fight for me more :D

[Radiate143]

He doesn't want drama. He sounds respectful. I have a guy friend and I did the exact same thing when he got married. I even told him so.

Why?

Because I was overjoyed for him and I would never want to be the source of any insecurity between he and his spouse about their relationship.

[Radiate143]

And that you are wondering if your guy friend has feelings for you when you have a HUSBAND makes me wonder about your capacity for true fidelity. Maybe an I crease in maturity is needed. Who cares if he has feelings? Be concerned with your husband's feelings. Relationships are doomed.

[PeachyPie93]

You shouldn't be that close with any guy if you are married. He probably felt things were getting too close for comfort and didn't want to ruin your marriage so did the right thing and pulled away.

[Asker]

My husband and I both are comfortable with close friendships of the opposite sex. Whether it be from church or hobby groups we are in.

[PeachyPie93]

Well apparently your friend wasn't, hence why he pulled away. He probably rather go find a girlfriend that he can be that close to.

[Asker]

That’s understandable. Thank you for the opinion

[Finchie40]

Asker , you should stop investing your time into that guy friend and start investing your time into your husband , because it sounds like your husband might be up to no good to be honest with you lol

[Asker]

@Finchie40 I invest all my time into my children and husband haha. But I also have a right to invest my time into things for myself IE groups or individuals that I can occasionally be ME and not just a mother and housewife. Just because I’m a married woman doesn’t mean my life ONLY revolves around the needs of my husband. Just as he invests his time into other things and people other than me. I also have a small group of friends. This is a question about one in particular. My husband is up to everything good haha. He’s a Marshall and soldier and we are 100% committed and faithful. No doubt about that.

[catsmemoir]

Maybe just realizing that its never gonna go anywhere and that he should focus his time/energy on women who are available. That is the correct course of action for him by the way. Let him go.

[Asker]

Why can’t it just stay a friendship? That’s what I don’t understand. He can still find a woman- but why leave a good friend because of it? Just because I’m unavailable doesn’t mean that I’m not a valuable friend.

[catsmemoir]

Because you're flirting with disaster. Even if you'd never let it develop beyond a friendship (which I don't believe; given how naive and clueless you sound), you're poised to cross boundaries that will spell doom for your marriage AND your friendship.

[Asker]

Hmm interesting. My husband has native friends because of the same culture. It’s a lifestyle. And sometimes when you find people from the same culture you like to keep close. Maybe you wouldn’t understand.

[Asker]

And by the way- some are women. Lol

[catsmemoir]

And if you learned he was posting on GAG, asking what to do about one of those female friends with whom he was particularly close, sharing the same "quirks" and what not , who just seems to be "pulling away lately".. What would go through your mind?

[Asker]

My husband knows him haha. And quirks as in we like medieval martial arts and cosplay events like Renaissance fairs, etc. Which is something my husband doesn’t enjoy. He likes that I can have friends that have that in common with me.. regardless if it’s male or female.

[Asker]

If my husband has a close female friend who they shared a common interest- for example he is into gamer contests and weapon building, etc. And she started having feelings I would feel bad for him because he now has lost a friend. But everyone is different.

[catsmemoir]

Missing the entire point of my question. Intentionally I suspect. If not you are incredibly obtuse. Im done with this convo. Good luck with your situation.

[Overandunder89]

Because no man in his right mind just wants to be friends with a woman who's even remotely attractive unless he's gay.

[Drew-1990]

Very good chance he is. He probably wants to respect your marriage so he is stepping back. I would do the same. I get alone with my best friends wife. I don't have feelings for her but if somehow I ever did I would be probably stop hanging with them or at least her (me and her don't hang out one on one it's always all of us) because I'm not messing around with a marriage woman.

[JacobJordan]

Men and women can't be friends. Men are "friends" with women so they can be with the woman romantically. Sure many will claim they have no feelings if asked. Hell even most women refuse to ask their "male friends" because they know deep down that he wants to be more than "friends"

[Asker]

I think that is true a lot of times. But I’ve found many friends who look at me as a sister and vice versa. Or we don’t find each other physically attractive. Or they are gay, etc.

[HotLentilzzz]

Thats not true. I've had an online friends who werent attracted to me at all and thats why they never flirted. They said hypothetically theyrd sleep with me if I asked but thats the case for like 99.999% of men. Still, they’ed never date me and I wasn't cute to them. And I know thats true because they had no idea what I looked like in the beginning and when they explained what girls they were into, it was NOTHING like me and what they didn't like was exactly what I happened to be 😂

[DextroShade]

Listen very closely: MEN ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS!

This guy always had feelings for you and wanted to smash from the moment he saw you. Your marriage has made it clear to him that it won't happen so he is wisely deciding to move on. Keeping him around is also disrespectful to your husband, so it's best you both move on with your lives.

[Asker]

So men ONLY look at women sexually and they cannot form a friendship. No matter what? Hmm..

[Account]

That is absolutely not true.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... please stop with the weaponized cluelessness.

[Asker]

@KrakenAttackin I’m using you’re own theory on “he wanted to smash you the moment he saw you.” etc as you implying his intentions were purely sexual. I’m not weaponizing clueless. I’m being sarcastic. I also think it’s kind of insulting to men who are not carnal animals in the way you seemingly portray them.

[DextroShade]

I suppose there can be an exception if the guy is legit gay.

[bobalife]

Maybe he has feelings, maybe he wanna be respectful of your husband or if he is dating someone? You can just check in to see how he’s doing as a friend lol

[spartan55]

Neither would be my guess. I know you would love it if he had feelings for you... but I think he respects your marriage so he is dialing it back. Seems like he respects your relationship more than you do.

[Asker]

I would be upset actually. My husband and I both have close friendships with the opposite sex from different groups we are involved in.

[SolitarySolace]

He probably has the hots for you. I wouldn’t want a partner who has guy friends. But all of my previous partners have cheated on me so I have no trust in women anymore. I don’t even bother having female friends either. Not after the false accusation I had to take to court. Men and women shouldn’t be friends. Especially close ones.

[rosemilk]

not sure i follow. did you just get married or did he not know you were married before he started pulling away? maybe he has other stuff going on in his life. i wouldn't take it too personally

[Asker]

No he knows I was married.

[Jessica405]

It sounds like you WANT him to get feelings for you. He probably is, but realises you are taken. Please don't take this any further. Cheating is bad.

[Asker]

I want a friendship with someone who I get along with. I love my husband

[catsmemoir]

I agree. And I think she obviously has feelings for him. "Same quirks, same genetic make up". No one talks this way about a "friend".

[catsmemoir]

I don't believe you.

[Asker]

@catsmemoir we come from the same culture. That’s hard to find sometimes. Listening to Nordic music that is not in English and understanding it- etc.

[Asker]

@catsmemoir it’s also the same with my Native American friends that live on reservations. I have an understanding of that as well.. I guess you’re misunderstanding me

[catsmemoir]

No, I understand perfectly. So do others in this thread. I think it's you who is misunderstanding, whether it be willful or not.

[Asker]

@catsmemoir what I’m understanding is that you and others believe that I am a unfaithful person. And that I’m trying to get validated that he likes me. Which isn’t the truth. Quite honestly- if he were to say “I like you more than a friend” I would immediately end that relationship.

[catsmemoir]

I haven't gone far as to say you were unfaithful. But you are flirting with it by deluding yourself. You obviously like whatever it is you're getting from this guy (attention/validation/whatever). In the process you're opening the door for trouble. Even the guy sees this and knows its inappropriate. That tells me you're definitely positing more than friendly energy towards him.

[Asker]

@catsmemoir of course I like having a common interest with someone lol. What’s so bad about that? What would be the difference in having a buddy that you play D&D with? Or you both like going to Nordic festivals? I have a church group that involve men. Because it’s a common interest, practice, lifestyle… THATS what I like “getting”. Connections.

[Courtneyblabla]

He’s setting some boundaries cuz he knows he shouldn’t be that close to you anymore even as a friend. Maybe that’s what he thinks. Maybe he respects your marriage with your partner and he’s avoiding possible conflicts lol

[BoopBoopBeep]

Maybe... maybe he just feels it's inappropriate/disrespectful to the groom to be hanging out with a married woman.

[KrakenAttackin]

Your guy friend realizes that a married woman should NOT HAVE GUY FRIENDS.

[Asker]

I will always have guy friends. We have mutual guy friends. I have guy friends at church, etc. We have couple friends. I have had close friends at work who were guys. It’s not a crime lol.

[Asker]

You’re saying as a married woman it’s immoral to get along with the opposite sex? It’s immoral to get on PS live and play games or have them over with my husband and play cards? Hmm.

[MrOracle]

No, he means it's not right to have male friends that you spend time with in person without your husband present. There should be no alone time between opposite sex "friends" if one or both are married. No problem if your spouses are present.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... no, BUT, if you have make friends you should not hangout with them without your husband being present. How would you like your husband going out with other women? See how that works?

[Asker]

@MrOracle we do not hang out alone.

[naartjie]

✨boundaries ✨
✨being respectful towards your marriage✨

[Anonymous]

I distanced from any married friends and also if they have babies.
They’re busy with their husband/wife life.

[justabuddy]

That or he's dating someone else and wants to avoid problems.

[DreamLife7]

Why do u care? Aren't you marries? No he doesn't have feelings it's called boundaries. And he probably has a girlfriend

[Asker]

Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I have no right to be concerned about a friendship that I value.

[DreamLife7]

You asked if he was having feelings. That's none of your concern. You shouldn't be doing that it's inappropriate.

[Asker]

It is my concern because if he is having feelings that compromises a friendship and I’m not comfortable with that

[DreamLife7]

Girl ur stupid and need to be divorced you're a weak individual. Mind ur damn business

[Asker]

This is my business as it IS my post. You seem a little slow.

[DreamLife7]

Ugh no it's not. You seem weak and slow. Focus on ur husband retard

[Anonymous]

Is he regularly having sex with some other woman or women?

[Cody2004]

What in the fuck does that have to do with anything

[laly520]

he is just setting up boundaries

[PrettyCrumblBb]

He probably found someone.

[moneymagnet24]

Bored from you ma'am