Is it a red flag that a man doesn’t tell you certain things about himself but wants to know about you?

Question

Like why is it a top secret to know his real name… he wasn’t trying to tell me…. And NO he’s not a criminal or anything. He actually has a very good background…

Why was he acting so funny about me knowing his name.. I had to get him to tell me… he told me but he was acting like he didn’t want to.

But he would want to know some things about me….

it’s off putting

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

At best he was just trying to have a sense of humor. Like he’s joking about being a secret agent. That gets the silly banter going and can be more intriguing for many women. It makes him stand out (hence you are posting questions about him) va being a boring “dime a dozen” guy you would quickly forget about.

But did you meet this guy online or in person? If he’s overdoing this in person then that could be a “yellow” flag not a red flag. If it’s online then he’s got more reasons to be careful with his identity. Reason being women seem to be less and less inclined to meet up with guys they meet online nowadays. Instead they want to build up some sort of worthless and time wasting “virtual” relationship. Worst case scenario they might blow his cover online despite never even meeting the guy. That’s horrible all the way around.

Men want the real thing. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be patient. We understand that most women are very tentative about meeting a rando in person. I am careful what i say to girls on dating apps. I used to bring up sexual jokes a lot 10 years ago but never nowadays. So many women will seemingly enjoy that and secretly get turned off or worst scared. So I do not talk about sex before meeting someone.

But I swear some women go way overboard on their paranoia and assume every other guy is potential serial killer or something. Extremely low risk to meet a guy for coffee or something.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Girll, that is definitely a red flag about that dude. Like why is his name some top secret thing? What is he trying to hide?

It's super weird and shady that he didn't want to tell you something as basic as his real name. Like you're right, if he's got nothing to hide, what's the big deal? That kind of behavior would make me nervous too.

It's not okay for a guy to want all this personal info from you but then not share basic things about himself. That's not fair or how healthy relationships work. It raises major questions about what else he's not being fully honest or upfront about.

I'd be real suspect of anything else he says he is or isn't until he opens up more and shows he's trustworthy. The whole thing just screams secrets and shadiness to me, sis. You deserve way better than some mystery man you can't even be straight with.

Please be careful dealing with this dude. Guard your heart til you get real answers from him about this name situation and anything else he's been sketchy sharing. Don't just take his word either - keep your eyes open for other red flags! You got this girl.

MsBell2018 · Accepted Answer

R U N!
Run quickly!
Run far!
Leave him alone!
Any relationship or potential relationship is/ should be built on trust. If this man can't be truthful about his name, that should be a HUGE issue! The fact that you had to badger him to get it ( are you sure what he told you was the truth?) is not truthful nor mess you should want to nor have to deal with. When someone is with you & wants to be with you, they'll want to share their life with you, they'll want to be forthcoming with information so you can get to know ow them. I'd definitely terminate & move on. Best of luck.

Xoxocutekitty · Accepted Answer

I had a friend like that. To be fair, he works in cyber security as he used to be dabble in hackathons, the dark web, and I don't know the more risky side of the hacking and illicit internet.

Unless you're in that world and maintain that level of mildly disfunctional paranoia, it's pretty natural to just be incompatible. He would route his mail to fake names, buy burner credit cards, and refuse to be photographed socially to keep his face "unrecognisable by ai."

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes I've done it, sort of as a "test" to see if a woman was bothered. Usually, she wasn't. But I got tired of offering info about myself in conversation, and then the girl telling me "I'm too quiet" and "I've known you for a year, but it's like I barely know you." ("Well, you haven't paid any attention.") (I don't SAY that, but I do realize this when a woman says something like that to me). Like they've never sat and talked to me, they've never listened when I HAVE talked about myself, because they couldn't be bothered. I was just dismissed as the ugly little nerdy dude, and that's more than they really cared to know. Even when girls/women sounded like they were a little sad about it, or like they were starting to change their minds (for the better?) so I'd offer to play some game or something, and no interest. It was just something for them to say.

So, after a while, I wanted to see if either they could be bothered to hold a decent conversation, or they'd want to know more... the idea was that if they only talked about themselves and never asked anything about me, they might be a bit selfish, and (or) they don't care enough to know much more than my name. Not what I did, no hobbies... I could always mention at least a few things about them because I bothered to listen.

Sort of a game to also stave off a little boredom, too. Like see how long I could go between, say, giving my name (At the very beginning), and when they ask me a question.

Mr_twoface · Answer

Different people find different approach to be funny and hence this might just be one of those rare men who finds it funny to act he has a mysterious name. If something is putting you off, don't swipe in under the carpet and believe its nothing, rather just open about it and you may find a gem. Sometimes, people swipe the little things away and then it builds up more and more until you are totally over him without even giving him a chance to explain himself.

HawkPerception · Answer

Definitely a red flag. The criteria for any successful relationship is open and honest communication. If you're hiding some details as simple as a name, that's a terrible indicator for how communication will be in a relationship with that person.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I think its silly that people give out information so quickly, I've made and ditched friends over the course of a year without ever telling them my name. Sometimes you just gotta hang out gaming and make sure the person isn't some psycho first, then you can tell them things.

RoseySarah · Answer

Really you wonder why he won't share that... He is Married! 😂 He is emotionally cheating on his wife with your or his girlfriend! Huge red flag glad you noticed!

jshm2 · Answer

No. if you're just fuck buddies then the less you both know, the better.  But he probably doesn't want you tuning into a crazy ex or gold digger, is all.

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

I'm not giving my full name to someone from Tinder. We're not here to exchange Christmas cards.

kylee2437 · Answer

That could be a narcissistic tactic of his. Learning deep things about you to use them against you later meanwhile you have no deep info about him.

Pinay_ako · Answer

If he can’t give out his name, he a red flag. Boy bye

serious · Answer

Yes I understand that can be annoying also. In that case you should not respond to his questions because this is not a good behavior.

pig_droppings · Answer

A situation like this can be quite perplexing. Be sure to check your living spaces for any decomposing flesh or stale semen.

Mangospacho · Answer

That’s very basic information that he should share with someone he’s intimate with. Something is definitely up with him not wanting you to know his real name. Are you positive he’s not married?

LiamJHayden · Answer

1. He's married and does not want you to know. 2. If he knocks you up and you don't know his last name, he's harder to find and put on child support.

BarryLiverstone · Answer

You keep asking about this over and over. Tbh that’s not healthy

FireFox001 · Answer

Lol most people don't know shit about me or my background, due to my work, and I also have almost 0 social media presence. There are people like that...

... but I can actually prove that if needed be. Your situation sounds sketchy.

ImalwaysrightOK · Answer

What kind of guys are you meeting that won't tell you their real name?

thatshydork · Answer

Depends on what it is. I mean, we’re all entitled to our secrets, are we not?

spartan55 · Answer

I don't wouldn't even waste my time with a clown like that. You must desperate.

WhitneySnow · Answer

Huge red flag. He’s probably got a girlfriend and doesn’t want you to find out.

worldscolide · Answer

That's a bit weird, I for one would only want info that I'd be willing to tell. And names are a must in the beginning. Definitely a red flag.

Paul09 · Answer

That is a strange secret. Stranger than asking a woman her age lol. I'll never get these secrets. Names, age, weight? I guess it must be a red flag to hide it.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

His name... Unless he's just joking around or trying to act mysterious (to a stupid point) then I think it's a red flag.

lildkman1010 · Answer

If a woman asks me how big I am I won’t tell her right off

Anonymous · Answer

It's not. Men are naturally low key, if they're not those are beta males

sheikalana · Answer

That's obviously a red flag.

Dargil · Answer

Tee way you construct it, yes.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm afraid to answer.

Anonymous · Answer

Im going through the same thing…..

jaskin777 · Answer

Very much

Is it a red flag that a man doesn’t tell you certain things about himself but wants to know about you?

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