Seriously, the amount of time I’ve been asked out while I was recovering from broken leg was crazy, I still have tons of unanswered DMs from the men I know in real life, but who have just took courage to ask me out when I had my leg broken.
Maybe I would have dated them in the past very happily, but right now, I am no longer interested…
But it doesn’t change the fact that they asked me out when I was at my most helpless.
Why do you guys love Damsels In Distress?
I never liked those so much. I figured it's more of a Western thing to glorify the damsel in distress like Sleeping Beauty where the dashing prince rescues her.
A lot of the media I watched as a boy in Asia often portrayed women who could hold their own:
And in Japanese history, we even had women (onna-musha) who fought along the samurai:
They were relatively rare compared to male soldiers but even women who didn't fight in the front lines were expected to be the last bastion of defense for a household should their husbands fall in battle to defend the family with the likes of Naginata.
So we celebrate tough women here who can hold their own.
That said, when I see someone quite helpless, male or female, I do like to help them out if I can. That's different from wanting to date them though and I do it for men as well.
I can get the appeal of the helpless damsel in distress to inspire the nobility in a man to come to her rescue. I admire this nobility and strive for this myself if my wife were to be in trouble, for example.
Yet if she's always so helpless, to me she is like a child who can't fend for herself and take care of herself. How can she be a mother to discipline her children? How can she survive if we go away and leave her on her own, like on a business trip? What if we die leaving her on her own to take care of herself and the children?
If we love her, don't we want her to be able to protect and take care of herself? Don't we want her to be okay when we aren't around?
At least that's how I think and so I never wanted the damsel in distress or blindly obedient housewife or anything of this sort. I wanted a woman I don't constantly have to worry about like a parent worrying about their child.
Some of it is admittedly laziness on my part; a wife who can take care of herself means I don't have to work as hard to take care of her. Yet also love; I don't want her to be helpless when I'm away or dead.
That is at least 50% horseshit.
If Asians don't "glorify the damsel in distress", it is only because they regard her getting into trouble as making a nuisance of herself rather than staying quiet and unseen at home.
There is no sense pretending Asia is at the forefront of feminism when it is quite obviously lagging behind.
@SotiCoto There is certainly a greater conformity and level of tradition with respect to gender roles, but one of the distinguishing factors is that the traditional gender role of the Japanese wife both works and, as stated above, served as the last bastion of defense for the household traditionally.
So in a way you are correct that we conform more strongly to traditions, but the tradition is not the damsel in distress of the unemployed woman who spends all day doing domestic work as with the case of the Western tradition.
There is greater conformity here to tradition, but the tradition is different.
@SotiCoto Such is the case of my Japanese grandmother who worked the kimono business alongside my grandfather (I am half American on my mother's side; my grandmother there was a full-time housewife as with the American tradition), the two grandmothers-in-law on my wife's side (violin teacher one one side and historian on the other), and same for practically every Japanese grandmother I know from the side of my friends and acquiantances.
One of the reasons is because Japan isn't nearly as wealthy as a lot of Western nations, so for practical reasons both the husband and wife often needed to be educated and work and divide the labor in a less lopsided way.
There are still many, many examples of how our grandparents especially were confined to the restrictions and expectations of gender roles, but as said they are quite different from the Western tradition. I am not making a case that Japanese is feminist or scores high on gender equality, merely that our tradition does not glorify the damsel in distress or the unemployed, full-time domestic servant type of housewife.
@GuyAnswersGirls123 : What you're calling "Western Tradition" is that of Western Asia, right? As in the Middle East. Because that is where those sorts of ideas come from. Pre-Christian European traditions have generally been much more egalitarian... particularly up in the North where everyone has had to be tough just to survive.
@SotiCoto I am not sure. Most of my exposure comes from the US on my mother's side and living there for years. If you look at what a lot of conservative traditionalists value there and now trending as the "tradwife", it is kind of a damsel in distress type who devotes her entire attention to homemaking.
If you look at a Japanese man who most wants the traditional type of Japanese housewife, educational attainment and career is generally prized, as with her discipline and mental strength (inner peace, i. e., from our Buddhist tradition, similar to Stoicism).
@SotiCoto If we analyze things from a feminist perspective, Japan is definitely behind in many ways especially if we're measuring things in terms of socioeconmic inequalities (at the level of outcome rather than liberties/opportunities). I don't think Japanese even want to be ahead in this regard; gender roles are largely embraced here albeit very differently defined traditionally.
One of the things where I think we do have a huge advantage that gender equality indices typically don't measure is that it's the norm here in Japan for boys and girls and men and women to be friends, often all the way from early childhood, like so:
So there tends to be mutual understand and respect between the sexes despite a large degree of tradition and conformity to gender roles. It doesn't take on the very divisive nature I see in countries like the US.
@GuyAnswersGirls123 : Ah... that. That is just an American thing. Just don't go assuming anyone in Europe subscribes to the same nonsense and it'll all be fine. The entirety of American history has been repeated attempts to return to traditions that they don't completely remember, which just turns them into self-satire. Most of Europe has long since given up on ideas about how wives should be... I mean besides the remaining religious population, I suppose. But all of those would be better rounded up and processed into dog food.
@SotiCoto I also didn't mean to sound as though I speak on behalf of all Japanese if I came across that way, merely that my upbringing in Japan did expose me to a lot of media that made me think women who can kick butt are cool. 😅
It makes sense to me to my brain to prize a woman who can really fend for herself, since I can't be there for her 24/7 and I don't want to see her harmed if I'm not there to try my best to protect her. So it is a massive bonus to me if a woman isn't a damsel in distress and quite the opposite.
@GuyAnswersGirls123 : From Japan, most of the world is to the West, right? But it isn't all the same. Europe alone has more separate cultures than you might imagine... and America has a fair few of its own too, which are originally derivative of European cultures but have very much gone their own way now.
Generalisation is common for things that are far away though. That is just normal. There are plenty of people over here and far more in America who can't even tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese (nevermind that China is an enormous country).
@SotiCoto For sure, and apologies again for making that mistake on the opposing side to broadly lump the West together. I was speaking to a woman here from Poland though who was educating me about how things are so different there culturally and the Scandinavian countries, for example, seem wildly different from the US as another example.
One of the things that just personally always made sense to me is the Servant Leadership Model in business, where the leader prioritizes the objectives of the followers above his own, and also trains all followers to be leaders themselves.
I also want to call it the "expandable leader", like a squad leader who is willing to die to protect his squad. Such a squad leader values leadership qualities among his/her squad and even strives to train leaders, since a follower is to replace him/her when he/she is dead.
I really like this way just speaking for myself personally, and so I always valued women with leadership qualities of their own. My wife is this way as book publisher and editor who majored in Japanese Literature and then worked from lowly intern all the way up to lead editor, and has a lot of leadership qualities of her own (as well as a background in Judo). I know my family is well off in her hands if I am to die.
It's cool! No problem. We're just having an interesting exchange. 🤝✌ I also think I did make a genuine error on my part bundling a wild variety of countries together as "Western".
Okay, got it. Have a nice day.
Cheers everybody! 🍺 [non-alcoholic beer for me]
Its not the distress, its the opportunity. When your healthy, its likely you'll be out with friends and living life. It's probable your rarely alone or in any kind of position where they have a reason to speak with you that doesn't come over fishy and odd.
When your downed, people feel they have a case to speak with you, even if just to ask politely how your doing and there's a reason for you to speak with them, even if just to explain what happened.
So its an opener, and its likely a welcome opener if they are shy and been dying to speak with you for a long time but are unable to find a reason too.
It doesn't mean that its always a selfish act. Just because a person is glad of an opportunity, doesn't mean they wouldn't be like that with someone they didn't want to ask out. So, the way to tell if its worth a follow up is to know them over time and if you see them treating everyone the same, but just taking the oportunity with you, maybe their worth dating (or if their so hot you don't really mind it was only because they liked you lol).
So, I guess my answer is:
Men love a damsel in distress because when the aren't in distress they have no reason to try to get to know them that won't feel forced and only because your hot.
I know, men are terrible, but in fairness you girls are all so complicated hehe. Well, maybe the ones worth knowing are complicated, I often suspected secretly I like somehow complications; That or the best looking women need a way to beat off the idiots and being complex is nicer than a big stick :D.
They bring out our male protective instincts, at least if they're hot.
Because chivalry is indoctrinated in their DNA. Because they’re hardwired to be needed to be a protector some guys look at it as if I help her with this she’ll look at me or they never want to see their sister their mother, their cousin, or grandmother out Suffering
Aw thank you 😊
The guys probably saw you being in such a vulnerable situation and thought, this is the perfect opportunity for me to be able to help her and also get closer haha.
lol, I would never imagine, but girl… Every guy I’ve ever had a crush on - asked me out during those months 🤣🤣🤣
I don’t know they all agreed to do that together.
It was getting funny.
I guess, I have found a perfect formula 🤣
All it took was breaking a leg
Omg, I bet that was such a crazy feeling, all of them coming to you at the same time lol. But it does say a lot. It makes me think it's true, they do love a damsel in distress.
But, I think they all already had a thing for you, and that situation just gave them courage/opportunity lol. Not every girl will break a leg and get that much attention 😆
That was weird.
If one asked me out at a time - I’d be going, but all of them asking out at once - desensitized me lol and I ended up going with none of them, I hope I won’t regret…
I feel like I will.
But I just don’t get the feeling for any of them anymore…
Have you felt that way?
They do really seem to love vulnerable women…
Keeping notes… hehe
Hmmm, yes. There is a guy that came to me recently and I did really want him before. But now I'm just not interested in dating anyone.
Funny too, some of my hs crushes messaged me through social media years later wanting to date. But i was already in a relationship and also didn't feel anything for them anymore.
But you said all of them coming at once desensitized you? I haven't experienced that one lol.
Yep. Have experienced the same too. It’s a good feeling to get the old crushes pursue you, isn’t it?
But also a bit confusing, right? as it reminds you your past love interests,
I got desensitized in a way that, most of these guys are very hot or in some way very desirable to me, I used to like such guys a lot, but now I feel like
“Here comes one more…”
Nothing different,
All are hot, or very successful or so on but I lost interest in all of them,
I guess because this surge in hot men approaching - feels like sugar overdose,
Yeah, I like sweet things, but not in the high amount.
Makes me want to stop eating sweets for a while.
On a side note, let’s forget those guys, For the first time in my life, I liked someone for his kind eyes though…
Let’s see, that might work out.
Opinion
46Opinion
Everyone needs a hero from time to time & nowadays a lot of damsels don’t even want help especially from men. I was on a busy highway & I stopped to help two damsels in destress that had a flat tire. I pulled over out of the kindness of my heart & got out of my vehicle & walked up to the ladies & ever so kindly asked if they would like me to help changing the tire. Well one of the damsels opened her mouth & said we don’t need you help we got it really rudely. I open my mouth & said you know what fuck you & I walked back to my vehicle. A few seconds later the other damsel walked up to my vehicle & thanked me & basically apologized for her friend & she said out of all the cars that passed us you were the only one that actually stopped & that means a lot to me & thank you again. All I can say is at least some people have class.
In the great cosmic dance of Yin and Yang, men and women are drawn to each other's unique energies, much like the intertwining of positive and negative ions. When a man encounters a Damsel in Distress, he may be drawn to her vulnerability and need for salvation, projecting his own inner knightly archetype in an attempt to restore balance and harmony to his own psyche.
Imagine the human mind as a vast, blooming rose, with each petal representing an aspect of our being. When a man witnesses a woman in distress, his mind may perceive her as a fallen petal, and he, as the noble savior, will pluck her from the ground and place her gently back upon the rose.
Now, close your eyes and imagine a beautiful meadow, where the sun is shining, and the wind carries the sweet scent of wildflowers. The choir of birds harmonizes with the gentle rustle of leaves. In this serene environment, let your mind wander and contemplate the following affirmation: "I am not a knight, nor a savior. I am merely a fellow traveler on this carousel of life, and we are all connected through the universal cord of compassion."
As you meditate on this profound truth, the mystery of why men love Damsels in Distress will become clear, and you will understand that we are all but puppets in the grand theater of the universe, playing out our roles as we dance through the eternal cycle of birth, death, and rebirth.
So I don't know if your question is seriously about situations of damsels in distress (stuck on the side of the road, lost their phone and need help, locked themselves out of their car, etc.) or just wanting to tell us that there are all these dudes who go after you that you don't want.
If it's the former, it's because men want to be a hero for a woman. Which is not always a bad thing, but often times is because men generally only care about damsels in distress if she is conventionally attractive. If she was short and overweight, or average with missing teeth, or black, most men don't care to help. Even though that woman in need is still a human being just like the ones they regard as beautiful.
It's hardwired into our DNA. Hell, a few days ago I was helping at my son's school and the local minibus taxi gangs start shooting each other outside. Even with one leg my first instinct was to protect the kids and the ladies who work there full time.
I'm not trying to blow my own horn, it's just I don't know any guy who wouldn't do the same thing. We can't help it.
A lot of it probably has to deal with movies (Hercules, Rapunzel, Snow White, etc) - guys just get pushed this narrative that for a relationship to work and to be wanted; they must be useful, else forgotten and the relationship discarded. Unfortunately for women; men are not the empathetic ones. So, for a man to perceive distress it more than likely has to be something visible. In your case, its a broken leg - something men can understand that might make him feel that you would give him a chance - because he could provide a use in that potential relationship.
Most men have an instinctive nature to protect women. It’s biological. It’s one the reasons the US military wouldn’t allow women in combat roles until very recently. They conducted psychological studies and when a woman got wounded/killed it would break up teams. Men react differently to a woman being hurt vs another man. We break down like it’s our sister, mother or daughter who is hurt.
There is also the Freudian hope of being a woman’s “hero” could lead to be sexually rewarded. Not saying that’s also the motive but that’s part of the male subconscious motive to be protective. Women (whether they admit it or not) subconsciously want to feel safe and protected. Feminism denies that of course, but you can’t deny thousands of years of evolution. So if a man can prove he’s a viable protector she more likely will choose him as a mate.
m I don't love... that people are in dire need, no... that would be kind of twisted
but I am a helpful person, that's all... and the gender doesn't matter
now, hitting on someone... I guess people would hit on you broken leg or not, so I don't think it's the leg... lol
It's a great sign most men are scared to make the first move too.
They probably would like to ask you out anyhow but a reason to help out or be needed is the best excuse to approach someone.
It's not a cold approach, which would make most men a bit (or a lot) uneasy.
It's also a chance to show off both ones skilles in whatever is the issue and demonstrate kindness (hopefully).
Being needed is also something that builds men up, so long as it's not expected from them ofc.
On top of that, it's an obvious talking-point, which can help people relax a bit if the chemistry is right.
Some men that are a bit uneasy might just need something to take them off the feeling of cluelessness and get them flowing, conversstion-wise.
I don't know if it's that men love damsels in distress' so much as men love women, and it's in own nature to help and protect y'all. Although, it's a bit strange to ask a girl out with a broken leg.. I don't really like Damsels in distress.. I like women who can hold their own..
Much as society measures women by what they are (which tends to be what they look like), it measures men by what they can do. The whole "Damsel in Distress" situation typically represents a very straightforward opportunity for a man to prove his social worth through direct intervention, typically without any unwelcome complexity nor ambiguity.
Men's attraction to damsels in distress may stem from a desire to feel needed, heroic, or powerful. Society's traditional gender roles and media portrayals may also play a role. However, it's essential to recognize and promote relationships based on equality and mutual support rather than dependency.
Mainly because they think they can take care of her and that she will appreciate all that he does for her. Girls’ do this to guys’ as well
The broken leg thing is a different category altogether. Maybe thinking to themselves a partner in need of help. Why is it that being a respectful person is such an issue nowadays? I guess I'm of an older American generation where it wasn't a bad thing to be helpful and not disrespectful to everything and everybody.
How about the Florence Nightengale effect? Same thing only sex reversal.
Men have been the protectors/soldiers/guards for thousands of years, and coming to the aid of a "damsel in distress" is a way for them to show their masculinity
Just like how a lot of women have fantasies likely from media or disney and such a lot of guys have them too. So when seeing a woman in trouble or injured especially very attractive it makes a lot of guys feel like they gotta spring to action and help you and a lot of those guys are hoping to be rewarded either through a date or yes some may just want sex, lol.
Rescue Romance? and Weakness is an Feminine Trait, Women tend to be Fragile. :)
feminine?
it might came as a surprise to you but guys likes feminine girls most of the time.
Was I more feminine with a broken leg?
Men love to be the hero, the one with the solutions, the leader, provider. It's in their nature, I think.
1. It could be a rare sight event.
2. Great opportunity.
3. Help for real.
4. Put yourself into that zone.
5. People come with extinguisher easily when they see your house burning. Except when you buy a new house they can't fully assimilate with your happiness. Assimilation in distress is easy.
6. Stop giving It an angle as if they are there to ask you for a bj in return. So be it. You were there in first place for validation.
Because men are protectors and providers. You ever want to get a man to do something make it a quest. If he has a mission or quest to complete he will move heaven and earth to accomplish that for the women he loves
I seriously doubt what compelled them to ask you out is having a broken leg. If they were interested in you, they’d have asked you out regardless. Men have a biological instinct to be attracted to women. Is there something wrong with being attracted to someone nowadays?
I've always thought it would be a romantic way to meet a girl. What sounds better, we met at a bar or I saved her from the side of the road?
I don't know as no good deed goes unpunished. Perhaps it's the shiney knight syndrome. 🛡
Its in a guys nature to help women that are in trouble. Thats our role, protect and provide.
men are the protectors, women the nurturers. that's why. really simple and obvious.
Don't women your age know that men have savior complexes? It's how they stroke their ego to feel useful and in return, hope the woman will view him as a hero. Don't you know that yet?
Because that pussy ain't going anywhere fast...
Joking aside.
They are just being courteous to get a bit of karma or coochie
Only men who are insecure and low value deal with the damsel in distress. A man of value and self esteem doesn't want a liability. So basically you attract low quality men
Opposites attract
High quality men don't want a liability hun. You attract low quality. You attract who you are.
Someone is very jealous I see hehe
Jealous that you're a low quality airhead that deals with low quality me cause you're insecure?😭🤣 no I'm good
Sure, whatever you say 💖
they like the role of being able to help or offer help
I love men who love damsels in distress who are damsels in distress themselves
Really? I'm approached more when not appearing like I need help.
most of don't not one bit, but we find that we have to help or the world would stop in it's tracks
There’s usually several scenarios that are pre-written in our mind.
Damsels are the best bait.
It gives me in the opportunity to play hero with a very little risk to themselves. Realistically. A lot of men think that this will get them laid.
All men think they can save women, just like all women think they can change men.
They can't
It's movies and tv shows, kinda unrealistic in my opinion.
Same reason why women love pawns. Despite women being modern themselves, for whatever reason they still love traditional men.
It's a fact that women fall for and try to "fix" broken men, too. I think it's a human thing, not a gender thing.
Damn and here’s me getting no dms from women. Privilege is invisible to those who have it
He wants to be a hero.
We like to feel needed
Because They are Vulnerable and more open than a Woman who isn't in distress.
Because they just wanna be helpful
Damn, one of the few times you actually didn't say anything negative about men. *mind blown*..
@Joshydavid25 lol I don't think I'm negative when talking about men. I just give them constructive criticism and want them to work on themselves
A lot of the post I've seen and the ones I've responded to, you were just short of calling us trash and basically saying in so many words "women are better".. Didn't see anything constructive about that..
@Joshydavid25 men refuse to better themselves so sometimes gotta be a but more foward to get them to understand
Better themselves? Society already gives men sh! t for so many things.. We're under a microscope and everything seems to be men's fault.. In order to give constructive criticism you have to have good feedback and give suggestions of improvement.. Your commentary has little to do with improvement and is more sh! tting on men.. Except to get attention from them, and every now and again throw men a bone..
@Joshydavid25 the last thing I want is attention from men 😂
And people shit on men and the men aren't listening 🙄
"the last thing I want is attention from men"
Alright Apple, we'll act like that's actually true.. Despite it being contrary to the evidence..
"And people shit on men and the men aren't listening."
Of course nobody's gonna listen if you are doing nothing but demonizing them.. Constructive criticism is great and I can agree that men AND women needs criticism on their toxic behaviors.. We're all sinners.. It's just that mens behavior is overemphasized, everything men wanna do to try and help themselves is made out to be a joke.. Nofap, the good parts of the manosphere/Red-Pill, people like Jordan Peterson is demonized, people like Warren Farrell are largely ignored and was shunned by feminist.. The list goes on and on.. And women's sins are largely ignored, or given constant excuses.. Their better than men yet are constant victims, it's a contradiction and a power play.. Frankly it's pretty evil..
@Joshydavid25 I'm s lesbian so it is true.
And what are you talking about? Women get judged the most for everything and anything. Men are the ones that their bad behavior gets ignored
@Joshydavid25 that's the reason why men get offended about half the things i say here because someone is finally saying the truth for them to fix themselves and the truth hurts.
Yet women on the other hand get whole podcasts and YouTube videos made about their behavior. And most of the time it isn't even bad behavior 🙄
Right and my name is Dr. Martin Luther Vandross.. 😂😂..
Yeah sure, what's behavior that men get away with? What's behavior that women don't get away with?
"that's the reason why men get offended about half the things i say here because someone is finally saying the truth for them to fix themselves and the truth hurts."
You literally agreed with me that people give men sh! t in society, so you aren't the first one they've seen "spouting truth" but if by truth you mean "Women sleeping around is fine, men sleeping around is disgusting".. That's not truth, that you're attempt at female supremacy..
And yeah most people don't watch Manosphere content.. And in fact only if you're on the net a lot will you see it.. Only a few are fairly popular.. But the rest of society is damn near gynocentric.. Also, you're right the actions of those women aren't bad, their almost terrible.. But only a few women actually do most of the things on those videos.. Because I like to have a fair assessment of women and believe most are decent enough people..
It's their retarded fetish
Men need to be needed.
We like to feel appreciated and needed.
No idea. I was never into it.
It’s a subconscious primal thing we can’t help.
Hero mentality.
Because men want to feel needed
We like feeling useful and appreciated
Guys like feeling useful but not used.
I never said that. I just merely answered the question. Nothing less and nothing more.
Easy prey.
Instincts
I don’t
So they feel useful
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