I'm a 20-year-old girl and he's a 34-year-old respected lawyer. Is there something wrong with him?

[baddiska]

So a few months ago I met an older guy on a dating app. We were talking for a while, then stopped for a while but he texts me from time to time. He's a lawyer, very well educated, highly respected, lives abroad. I'm always wondering why these types of men are single and are using dating apps - I mean, he's handsome, you could say perfect, I'm sure he doesn't need dating apps to meet someone.

But the point is I see that his messages are mostly sexual. And I'm thinking why is such an intelligent man hitting on a girl who is 14 years younger than him, lives with her parents, that just started university? Is he just emotionally immature, tries to relive his youth that maybe he had to sacrifice because of his studies? It's crazy to me because I could just screenshot his messages, send them to his friends etc isn't he scared or anything like that?

[NamerOfStars]

Why would he be afraid? You're 20, not 12. You're both adults, and you, yourself, are perfectly capable of saying "no" if you're not interested. Unless you've told him to leave you alone and he's refused (in which case you'd be sending them to the police, not his friends), he hasn't done anything worthy condemnation.

If his messages are primarily sexual, then it's safe to assume he's primarily interested in sex. The primary source of female sex appeal is the exterior markers of youth, health, and fertility. He's hitting on you because you're good-looking, and keeping it up because you're responding well.

What's the mystery?

[ProbablyClueless]

The advice I always give to people is to remember that a red flag doesn't always mean that there's a landmine. But it DOES always mean that you should keep your eyes open because there's a good chance that there is.

In your situation, the reason age is a red flag is because y'all are born too far apart for most people to have a comfortable cultural exchange. You're most likely in different places in life. This guy might be a successful lawyer, but he's probably extremely emotionally immature, if he thinks that a girl in her early 20s is a good match for him. That would explain why he isn't trying to date a woman closer to his own age.

[baddiska]

he said that he's not looking for any serious relationship, just friendships/sex

[ProbablyClueless]

There you go. He's not paying you any mind because he's interested in you beyond your body.

[4ngelic]

i think it's a bit creepy but it's not weird that he's hitting on you since it's very obvious he's just after clapping some cheeks. for a lot of older guys if it's just sex it doesn't matter if she's a lot younger as long as she's legal or not borderline illegal. warning though, a large portion of guys on dating apps who say they're rich, have like fancy jobs and stuff are often lying and doing it to impress girls and get pussy easier

[baddiska]

i checked him and there are many conferences, articles with him, even a podcast episode starring him. he seems to have many lawyer friends too. that why im curious why he's going after some dumb teenager when he can have many women at the same time

[4ngelic]

are you sure he's not pretending to be that guy?
as for why he's going after you if he's legit, it's because he thinks your hot and he doesn't think your age is a problem especially since it seems he just wants you for sex. most likely for more serious stuff he goes for women closer to his age

[baddiska]

yeaah, he's legit. I don't know thats actually a bit sad that he only sees me as a sexual object

[Siri137]

Of course there's something wrong with him. He's a lawyer.

[Levin]

Sounds like you've hit the nail on the head with his trying to relive his youth or maybe discharge some stress.

Don't condemn the fellow too hard. At our weakest points we all engage in some dubious behaviour. But you should probably know that if the conversation is all about sex then that's all he wants from you.

[baddiska]

yeah but thats actually sad that he only sees me as a sexual object. he specializes in human rights and spoke about women rights etc but then texts me that he would spit in my face. i dont get it

[Levin]

I take it the idea of being spat in your face is not agreeable to you?

And yes, that is a funny turn of irony, isn't it?

So I take it you want to be seen more than a sexual object? What do you see in him?

[baddiska]

its funny because i already had a similar situation, this guy is very impressive, im in university rn so seeing that he finished 2 degrees in the best university in my country, speaks 3 languages, then worked in prestigious companies, now works abroad; travels, is really passionate about what he does - its inspiring, he seems like an intelligent guy with lots of ambitions. id like to get to know him, i always see good in people. i dont mind having sex with him but first i need to know you to a certain level, maybe not friendship, but build some sort of connection.

[Levin]

Then maybe you should tell him that.

And yeah, I get it, but don't be blinded by it. The guy is still human and still has flaws.

He may be allowed to get away with stuff just because of his perceived success.

[Anonymous]

He has no self control and just wants easy sex. Despite everything you say he has, I feel sorry for him. And I'm much older without those things!

[baddiska]

you say 'easy sex' but we started texting during summer, then didn't message each other for a long time and now he texts me from time to time. why would he waste so much time on me if he could have many women right now? why does he bother texting me? its obvious that i can just be playing with him and never meet with him, so why is he doing that?

[baddiska]

and what do you mean by saying he has no self control?

[Opinion Owner]

Guys are always looking for more options. I knew a guy that had about 50 phone numbers in his pocket and was always looking to meet with more. He bothers texting because it keeps the option open.

I said he has no self control because of what you said about the sexual messages.

[Kinkyhubby]

Maybe he likes the flirting? Maybe he is married and lied to you, and your his side piece. My wife is 12 years younger then me, but I didn't meet her over am app.

[Booklover_90]

He sees you as easy prey. This guys doesn’t love you. He’s using you. Please cut off all contact with this joker.

[baddiska]

easy prey but we were talking in summer and he still texts me after such a long time. he lives abroad so why would he waste his time messaging me, knowing that there's a chance im just playing with him and will never actually meet with him?

[Booklover_90]

He doesn’t see as a waste of time. He’s trying to reel you all the way in.

[baddiska]

why would he do that tho? why would he try reeling me all the way in? he lives abroad, definitely gets women easily, why would he invest his time in some girl that he's not sure he will ever see

[Booklover_90]

Because that’s how some people are. The fact that most of his texts to you are sexual should be the biggest red flag. As I said in my original comment, cut off all contact with this person. He obviously has some sort of hold on you or else it would be easy for you to cut off contact.

[baddiska]

not gonna lie, i haven't cut off contact yet because i may be bored, also he's extremely handsome and seems like an interesting person, very inspiring one. he's very impressive. and thats funny because i really would like to get to know him but he only sees me as a sexual object

[Booklover_90]

Just be careful. Do you know that he is who he says he is? Meaning, have guys video chatted?

[OtterMan68]

he sounds like a creep who's hard up or he's catfishing you

[baddiska]

noo, he's not catfishing, as i said he's well educated and respected, i already checked him, there are some conferences and articles with him. why do you think he's a creep? can u elaborate?

[BoopBoopBeep]

Are you hot? And by hot I mean "and also not fat"?

[baddiska]

@BoopBoopBeep wtf do u mean?

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm not sure how to be any clearer.
Are you hot?
Are you fat?

If the answers are honestly "yes" and "no" respectively then why are you surprised that a man wants to have sex with you?

You said you live with your parents. Okay, what does that have to do with anything. Do you leave your vagina with them? He's not trying to wife you up, don't overthink this.

[baddiska]

@BoopBoopBeep yeah i know but im trying to understand his thinking, why would such a guy like him want to have sex with some teenager;pp why would he bother messaging me if he knows that i may be just playing with him and never meet with him

[BoopBoopBeep]

Lady he didn't give you a kidney he sent you some texts. I'm doing that now, essentially. Costs me nothing I'm waiting to pick up my dry cleaning.

[BoopBoopBeep]

And if you're hot and not fat, THAT is why he would want to have sex with you. For all that is good in the world, talk about overcomplicating something.

Hot girl. Guy. Guy want sex on hot girl. Guy talk.

Don't think you're special he's talking to you and a dozen other women it takes zero effort on his part he can do it while he's taking a dump.

[baddiska]

@BoopBoopBeep i never said i feel special;) im actually sorry for this guy that he texts some random girl sexual stuff, embarrassing

[BoopBoopBeep]

@baddiska
It's not the least bit embarrassing for him. He could text that to 30 women today and what is it to be embarrassed about? People like sex. People have sex. It's a text he didn't tattoo your name on his junk. THAT would be embarrassing.

[Twalli]

He probably doesn't have free time. Besides, you matched, so it wasn't him just expressing interest.

[baddiska]

what do u mean by saying that he doesn't have free time?

[Twalli]

He's busy, so it's difficult to meet girls in real life. My sister had a boyfriend who was on an oil rig 5 weeks st a time with only 1-3 week breaks. So he had a lot of trouble starting relationships.

[spartan55]

So you haven't actually met this guy in person?

[baddiska]

he lives abroad so no

[spartan55]

He's likely a catfish. Waste of time regardless.

[baddiska]

noo, there are many photos, conferences, interviews with him, he updates his linkedin regularly, so not a catfish. also we text on through instagram

[spartan55]

He's too old for you.

[baddiska]

why do u think so? could u explain?

[spartan55]

There is a large maturity gap at that age. Ask yourself why he isn't dating women his own age?

[baddiska]

yeah thats why i made this post. why is he going after some young inexperienced girl when he's a handsome, educated lawyer? he told me that right now he isn't looking for anything serious, only friendships and hookups.

[spartan55]

You he could just be using that identity and it's not actually him. Did you do a reverse image search on his pictures?

[shortster]

The biggest issue is that he lives too far away.

[baddiska]

why? he comes back to our country once in a while

[shortster]

Long distance relationships are ripe for cheating. It is likely that he is married in the country he lives in.

[baddiska]

he says he's not looking for a relationship, just friendships/sex

[shortster]

Yeah, because he has a relationship back home. Do you really want to be the other woman?