Guys, what are your reasons for staying friends with your ex? Would you stay friends with an ex in general?

[pinkchampagne97]

Hello everybody,
I’m being stuck in a situation over the past month and I’m trying to understand it better so I can continue my healing.

So the things are going like that: I’ve been dating a guy for a month, he was the most initiative, romantic, gentleman type of person, thinking for me and my comfort all the time, freeing time to meet me, calling me, doing favours for me, taking care of me, basically he was providing me with the princess treatment here. We are basically the same, we have 100% same interests and likes/dislikes, somehow same childhood memories and same mindset and thinking. And I caught pretty hard feelings for him.

But after two weeks of dating he started mentioning to me how he feels like he is gonna hurt me and he doesn’t want this to happen, he might lose interest in me and he doesn’t want this to hurt me, he doesn’t want relationship with too much attachment now because he just walked out of relationship of this type recently (3 months before meeting me), he wasn’t sure I can match his high libido, then he said if we have serious relationship he will want to be with me all the time, every day and night and this would bother his business and hobbies and then he told me I caught him in the wrong moment, he also told me then that he doesn’t feel like I’m the person for him cause he felt we don’t talk much because I’m shy and it makes him worry and shy too.

When we broke up he told me that this doesn’t mean we will stop communicating. He asked me to keep texting and if I want to call him to meet for a coffee or something I’m free to do so and that we are staying friends. This happened before month and 10 days. And yes we communicate, send each other some reels in instagram and sometimes text.

My question is, since I don’t know what to think anymore, I like him and I didn’t want this to end, what can be his reasons to keep in touch with me?

[FunkyMonkee]

My first ex & I just worked things out and got everything settled down and continued to be friends.
My 2nd ex (unbeknownst to me) had stopped taking her meds a month prior and, the week after we fucked, she went nuts and was back in the local psych ward. After being there for 3 months she decided to go back to her previous boyfriend but I was in love with her. We got back together a year later after another of their break-ups and then she went back to him, again and I didn't see her for 8 years.
By that time, I was madly in love with another woman but, my band played at a wedding where that ex and her boyfriend were part of the wedding party!! Even though I didn't talk to her (at his request), the next thing I know, I'm getting a letter from her telling me "we have unfinished business to tend to" (she wanted to fuck me, some more!). My fiance thought it'd be a good idea for both of us to get in touch with both of them and she set that up. From that point onwards, the ex stayed friends with me until about 5 years ago when she let money (about 58c) get in the way of our friendship and we haven't talked to each other since then.
My 3rd ex cheated on me, lied to me and stole from me so, obviously, I couldn't trust her anymore and stopped having anything to do with her. The last time I heard from her, she was accusing me of trying to fuck her niece just because I told her how pretty she had become since I last saw her 8 years before when she was 11.

[pinkchampagne97]

That’s heartbreaking story.. sorry

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, pretty much. Thanks!
I WAS hoping to marry the 3rd one! I didn't know it, at the time but, she kinda started going "bad" on me about 5 years in and, by year 9, had started cheating but, I never found out `til a year later.

[jahaims]

If you are friends with your ex you are emotionally immature and can't process a break up in a healthy way.

[sheikalana]

I'm not friends with any ex. I can understand that immediately after a break up is often hard to cut ties with someone you used to see and talk every day but that's the right thing to do otherwise why did you guys break up if you're going to keep in touch with each other? Breaking up means cutting ties otherwise is going to be very hard to move on and unfair.

[pinkchampagne97]

Exactly that’s my situation, when some time pass and I feel like I’m better now, he contacts me just like he reminds me of himself and I’m going back to the crying over him stage… I don’t know what to do and I don’t know why he does this..

[sheikalana]

That's tough cuz he's preventing you from moving on. I would block and delete him everywhere honestly.

[Pinay_ako]

• Breadcrumbs
• keeping his options open
• If he can stay friends with an ex after a breakup, he was never in love
• for his benefits

for your sake, cut him off. You will never heal if you’re under him.

[pinkchampagne97]

It’s not like we meet anymore.. just keeping in touch once in a while, after long days of no contact from my side, he contacts me.. I can’t stop thinking why he do it and it makes me feel like he wants to come back to me in future but I don’t want to be delusional too and it’s a never ending cycle

[Pinay_ako]

Coz you allow him to come back every time he feels like it. You’re no airport. Ignore him or cut him off for good. Let him realize you’re not a back up or an option! It’s all or nothing with you.

[pinkchampagne97]

Okay yeah you’re right.. thank you 🥹 it really stops my healing tho

[Pinay_ako]

Yea once you keep going not even him can stop you from healing. Be strong girl and thanks for the MHO

[TommyMountainFigure]

Maybe I can help provide you with some insight into why he did what he did.

I too have finished with women that I was very close to because I cared for them deeply, and never wanted to cause them any pain. BUT, I felt there was incompatibility there and I had to be strong because I swear to you, it wasn't easy

I am still friends with them several years later. My wife is friends with them too. They went on to meet other guys and are happily married.. I play Rugby with one of the guys!

The point of all this is, sometimes breaks up for the common good. They don't have to end badly, and it's nice when friendships can remain.

[Nikki1989]

They are my friends, and I always stay friends with people that I was friends with. Not complicated really.

[I_Am_Loner0405]

I tried staying friends with my ex. She just wouldn’tstoo talking about the guy she cheated on me for… I got sick of it. Blocked her on everything.

[Jay-_-]

I would not stay friends with my ex in general but I wouldn't want to end it on a bad note either

[BoopBoopBeep]

I'm friends with many of my exes. Just because we didn't work out doesn't mean I wish them ill.

[laly520]

no I won't
some stuff n people gotta stay in past

[JHAYES317]

Maybe reach out occasionally but actually be good friends with an ex is a red flag to me

[OtterMan68]

we realized we were not compatible as a couple, but worked as friends

[lorenzomichael]

Because some of my tools are still in her mom's garage and she still owes me money. That's why.

[guyinterested]

no never. being friends with an ex will cause problems for the next relationship you get into.

[pinkchampagne97]

Then why would he insist on that?

[Anonymous]

We're friends. That doesn't change just because we can't be partners anymore.

[Likes2drive]

Only because we have kids and share a past

[In_Trance]

There's no reason to do this