Guys, why would you stay friends with an ex?

Question

I ask this because I notice that lots of guys try to or do stay friends with their ex girlfriends.

For example, I knew a guy for a year, we dated for a few months and when he broke up with me he stressed the fact that he really did still want to be friends and told me to take as much time as I needed.

So is there a motive to staying friends with an ex?

So you can get back with her later?

Because you honestly do want to be her friend

Because you feel obligated?

just curious

Atomizer · Accepted Answer

A few possibilities why someone wants to stay friends with an ex:

-To have them as a backup plan.

-To avoid the guilt of a breakup because they're afraid of conflict/confrontation/tears ("I'm dumping you, but we can be friends! Please don't cry!") This is the coward's way out, and usually makes the breakup hurt more in the long run because the dumpee waits for the dumper to take 'em back.

-Sometimes, like you said, out of obligation. It can feel weird to go from seeing each other every day or two, to not seeing at all. So sometimes people toss out the idea of friendship as a "why the hell not?" option.

-To try rekindling the friendship you had before you dated. This rarely (if ever) works, and typically causes more pain and confusion.

In general, I think it's bad to be friends with an ex. At least immediately after the breakup.

No contact can be difficult, but it's by far the best way to heal from a breakup. Even if it's not a bad breakup, it still hurts. You still need time to cry, get angry and recover. But if you go from "dating" one week to hanging out as "friends" the next week, it feels surreal to me. Time heals all wounds, but you can't heal if you never have time apart.

PsychMike · Accepted Answer

Well I was going to stay friends with my most recent ex UNTIL I found out she dumped me for another guy AND lied to me about it by making the excuse that she is going to Sweden for 4 months in 6 months and didn't want to go through a LDR. Then she said that if she changed plans that we could "try again"... As soon as I found out, I was pissed. I told her I knew about the other guy and I'm not going to be the back up plan, you only get one chance with me and you screwed that up. I went complete NC for a month over winter break for college and came back and of course I see her like every day now, but I don't talk to her very much because I know that having her as a friend isn't worth the pain. Although she still tries to talk to me when one of our mutual friends is already talking to me,like I can't tell that she is only talking to us because she misses me, HA. I think when people man up and be honest about a break up then friends can be a reasonable option after time has been taken for healing, but when people are cowards about it that's where friendships are going to be harder to do.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My ex dumped me and wanted to be friends but I believe it was only because he felt guilty about the situation. See he cheated on me and dumped me for her, I knew the whole time because his behaviour changed and I checked out his message history to see why. He had no idea I knew, and while being friends I tried to come between him and this girl. But it only made me feel worse about everything because other then make him feel guilty there was nothing I could do.

I think my ex has a pattern of dumping his girlfriends for new girlfriends because he broke up with his old girlfriend for me and I had no idea they were still together until he told me 6 months into the relationship. He tried to stay friends with her also.

For me, I can't be friends with an ex because it just is too much drama. I got space from my ex and finally started to heal. I feel like an idiot for the way I acted after the break up but I feel so much better now that I got distance.

So in my experience guys want to be friends with thier ex because they feel guilty about the break up and they think being friends will help that. But there are probably other reasons but I would say it's not a good idea to be friends after a break up.

liiLo · Accepted Answer

no. sometimes things don't work in a relationship. like you said, you were friends with the guy.. and yall got along well, to the fact that maybe yall thought yall were attracted to each other. maybe you did get attached, but he didn't [since he was the one that broke up with you] so he still wants to be your friend cus he likes you as a friend.

i been liking this guy for almost 2 yrs. he told me he liked me, I did too, but it didn't work out. now, we are really good friends. he has his partner and even tho we don't talk much about her, we still hang out and do all the stuff we used to when we were just friends..

there is one ex that I don't talk to anymore cus he move to another state. but that's really about it.

unless that little ass%^le cheats on you, that's a different story.

*liiLo

AngelCake · Accepted Answer

Late answer, but my ex wants to remain friends and I really don't know why. We were together 15 months and he broke up with me two months ago because he didn't love me anymore. After a week with no contact, he got in touch and said it was too hard to lose me completely. We've been talking online everyday since then, he always talks to me first. He genuinely seems to care about me too. He has a new girlfriend though, but he talks to me about his problems instead of her. =/

So from my experience, they can genuinely care about you and want to keep the friendship you once had, because being with someone for a while and then losing them completely is really hard.

NMMan · Answer

I personally do not stay friends or in contact with exes, ever. I'd rather not have an ex who's still in my life when I decide to date someone else, because to me that's drama/a nightmare waiting to happen. Plus, if the person broke up with me, why would I want to invest any more time or thought in them? But granted, I feel this way because each of my ex-girlfriends lied to or cheated on me, so the choice to remove them from my life was all too easy.

If however it was a good relationship where there was a mutual and friendly parting of the ways, that would be a tougher question for sure - but I wouldn't know how to answer that, because I've never been in that spot yet.

bluesdude1001 · Answer

Obligation is word guys don't like.  Therefore, I think there are few guys that stick with a girl based on obligation unless there is a child involved.  Your first two answers make perfect sense.  Guys hang with the ex for an excuse because they like them.  Afer that there are 2 reasons.  either they want to be with them again OR their(the ex's) personality is so great that they can't imagine not speaking with them ever again.  Some girls are profound with their thoughts and actions and they make a guy better through thought (not sex... haha its hard to imagine).  but it s is true once in awhile we don't look at your boobs and actually listen.  BUT this is not often

Anonymous · Answer

Because A lot of what made us fall for you was friendship stuff. If you are easy to talk to. Fun to be around. Make us feel good. Have a great sence of humor. All these things make a great friend. Yes there's the sex we can't have and the emotional attraction we have to keep at bay. And if you bring a new guy around it sucks. But aot of what a guy likes about a girl is mixed in with friendship. And if the guy did seacretly want to win you back it would only mean he realy likes all those qualities in you. Also when you share seacrets and intemate details an emotional bond forms. With that girl. You feel empty inside without her.

higurb · Answer

I've dated a lot of girls though my late teens and all my 20's and only one of them am I still friends with. We dated in high school and it was the only relationship I had where she came up to me and said that it just wasn't working out for her anymore and she wanted to see other people. I thought that was reasonable and since she wasn't happy I let it go. We still talked on the phone and hung out sometimes. She makes me laugh and it's just like hanging out with any of my other friends. She's married now with two kids and I'm happy for her.

All the other girls did things like dump me the day my mother died or ditch me on my birthday to sleep with another guy. There is no reason to be friends with them or even talk to them ever again. I moved on and wish to never seen them again.

It depends on situation and what kind of person he is. You don't have to be friends if you feel like he's a horrible person or you just don't feel right around him.

hrtbrkn · Answer

i can nvr be friends with an ex whom I loved .

which for me ahs only been once but I could never be his friend because at one

point he was my entire heart I loved him more than anytying and to be his friend

isnt enough . and especially if he were to find someone new and he'd tell me about

her it would have brken down in to tears . undconditionally .

rickjames155 · Answer

Honestly, it depends on the connection you've built. For instance I'm still cool with my ex-lady. I may not love her anymore, but I valued her friendship way too much not to ever talk to her again. And who knows? a small part of me maybe wants her back in the future if the situation is right. but I'm no sap lol, I'm lookin into other women in the meanwhile.

NotSoBad · Answer

I like to stay friends with people... sure it did't work but if I see you in the future I would like us to be able to get along.

It's quite possible the guy just needed a friend... and when the relationship started to take a more serious turn (3 months) the sh*t hit the fan and panic develops.

The guy wants to be friends because he never really meant to hurt you... he probably just was confused and wasn't ready.

adrianereeder · Answer

No Guys get jealous (very jealous) picture this. Your friends, and the other friend starts dating again and you hang out. The only thing you will see is her kissing another guy. Girls the samething, How would you feel if you saw your ex boyfriend kissing other guy. This would bring up feelings of yall doing this. DO NOT BE FRIENDS, TRUST ME. MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE IF YOUR HAVING THIS SITUATION. it want be good for neither party

MaxPrime · Answer

lol ahh that funny question again...

I personally never stay friends with an ex. Because usually/sometimes one or the other still has feelings and that never helps. Also for me, in showing that I am a confident man, I would feel lame trying to get back with my ex because she's my "only option" or something...lame. Now when I say I wouldn't be friends I don't mean I would be angry/mean to her, I would just let the relationship go all together. That's just me.

ShirleyLockhart · Answer

My marriage has been a blessing until few months ago when my life almost get sucked. A strange woman took my husband's love away from me. He left me and our 3 kids to this lady. I was in shocked because i know my husband still loves me. I tried all i could to get him back but the more i tried the more he went far away from me. All my effort yielded nothing. I lived in pains for 3 good months without any plan of getting out of this mess. Till I met an old school friend who showed me to dr. mac@yahoo. com, he restored my marriage and brought me and my kids happiness. I never believed i would get my husband back, My husband came back with apologies for all the pain he has cost me. You can contact DR MACK for relationship or marital probl

Watzrox · Answer

Hi, I know this is an Old post but this page came up when searching. The man I love just left me yesterday after 8 years together, and 15 years of knowing each other. He says he's too busy working and bla blah blah...   I'm completely crushed. What's even more confusing is he stated he still wants me in his life& can't not see me in his life & that I'm his best friend.  That just .. I don't know . I don't know if I can be his friend after everything. At least not for a long long time. I want him back so badly...

Gimmethecash · Answer

Why did you two break up? You can be friends I guess but does that mean you can still sleep together? Or just friends when he wants you there.  If you were just  friends could you handle seeing him around another girl or him telling you about his relationships?

superman1ndonly · Answer

they realli isn't any motive behind it..jus because a girl and I broke up doesn't mean we have to not talk wo each other.  some guys believe they mayb a small chance in the future but either way..i don't see anything wrong wit being friends with an x.. then again I say tht  because I'm friends wit two of my x's lol.and they are very good friends..after all they kno me pretty well..you don't HAVE to be friends wit an ex. is being friends with an ex so bad?

99freshman · Answer

depends I know with my ex I still like her and we tried be friend but it all ways ended up with us going back out again but then bad things happend but back to the answer if he dosn't have romatic felling for you then it will just be as a true friend if the as felling still it might become more.

hunglowman4you · Answer

you have a fear of letting go...

that is the fact because...

i felt the same way before this last gf.

i don't even want to be friends with her, why? because then there is that connection...

and the common "what if's"

who cares if they don't want to be friends with you. there are tons and tons of people out there you can gain a friendship from.

good luck...

and be careful because the heart is very sensitive and delicate...

don't get hurt.

Anonymous · Answer

yeah, one of my ex boyfriends wanted to be friends, but I think it was because he wasn't mature when we met and then we met up and he wanted to date me again and then things got f***ed up with some other whore who wanted him also and she told me he was sleeping with him & everything got screwed over.

but generally sometimes it means he still wants you in his life, but I think it's awkward to. I feel it's weird because I want to move on.

l-hedoniste · Answer

If she's good people and we broke up decently, I'd stay friends. We could get back together, if the reason we broke up no longer exists. Staying friends from obligation is foolish.

jaycee777 · Answer

My last boyfriend wanted to be just friends, even cried at the thought of not being friends, he is friends with all his ex's... I am the first he is no longer friends with.

funky909 · Answer

my only motive is that I still have feelings for her and I cannot completely get her out of my life. i hope I can do so. :)

Anonymous · Answer

I almost never want to stay friends unless I am still hoping we might work it out.  Sometimes when you break up it's just over and other times it's obvious that its not.  It depends.

JustYourAvrageGirl · Answer

This is what my big sis told me and I found it very true. They are called EX'S for a reason it didn't work out! move on!

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