Guys, why do you stay in close contact with your exes?

Me & my long distance ex broke up in March. We've stayed pretty close for a long time afterwards... text, FaceTime, sending selfies etc. up until like mid September. I sort of got over talking to him & didn't care if we did as much anymore so I stopped initiating texts/FaceTime as much & I don't send selfies. Anyway, more recently it was like he was initiating all contact. This week, He called me out on it and said "I see you don't want to hit me up anymore" (which was 100% true ). Also, when I said I didn't have his call listed on my call log he said "I am Probably talking to other dudes & deleting his calls" (not the case).

Anyway, I know this is a pattern. He calls a lot... I don't call him so he calls me out on it.. I then start iniating contact... I get mad when he doesn't respond since he complained about me not initiating contact... he gives a bs excuse... so I stop contacting him... and it just repeats from the beginning with him doing all the contacting Smh

With that said, I can't help but feel he is just trying to pull me back in to this annoying ass cycle, but I don't know if it's something else.

do y'all like to stay in your exes lives to control them? Keep an eye on what they are doing? Back-up plan? Genuinely want to be friends? idc


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well he is of course game playing. Maybe he doesn't really want it to end? Hard to say. I think probably it is usually best to make a bit of a cleaner break. At least for me. I can't handle the emotions of keeping in touch with an ex. There is one exception. I am friends with a woman I was with for 3 years back when I was 30 - 33. I think the reason I can be friends with her is that I wasn't that into her anyway, so being split up is a GOOD thing and we can go on and be friends. (If that makes sense.)

    Another gal split up with me back when I was in my mid-twenties. I tried to maintain some loose contact with her but she was being quiet and vague about her life. I felt bad that we weren't being friends, so I stopped calling her. I found out years later that she had decided to go for women. Probably explains the break with me and her being vague about her life... LOL

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Similar situation with me and my ex except we both initiate contact, him more so but i reciprocate. I get the vibe that he doesn't want it to be over but I've flat out asked him and he's said thats not it, he wants to be with me but not right now basically. can't help with how to break the cycle but i think they stick around in the hopes its not over yet, did you break up because of distance?

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    • Thanks, yeah it's hard to tell why cause at this point if we stopped talking I would be straight, but maybe not him. I don't know. Yeah, that was pretty much the main reason.

    • I feel like its hard to let go when thats the reason you break up because nothing has changed between the two of you and there's no reason for your feelings to go away.
      But yeah i feel where you're coming from woth this cycle stuff, asked me to call him tonight, rang out the first time, answered and hung up on me the second call so i text him then called again and his phone was off. Im sure i won't get a straight answer either

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 12

  • I avoid all contact with exes. It's not that I have no feelings for them. Pleasant memories come up often. I just feel it's too easy to rekindle a relationship.

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  • My exes who are friends I want purely as friends. We tend to know each other better than maybe my guy friends. Has to be an amicable break up, but then my female friends and I are more trying to help each other find happiness with a new person/someone else. Giving advice and pointing out each other's bullshit from an informed yetobjective position. It's never about control or trying to get back with them (for me anyway).

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  • Simply he doesn't have the courage to make a definitive decision about the topic, so he's instead navigating the options.

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  • Sex outlets. XD

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  • Posibility to have sex in the future. Many men do this.

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  • i dont.

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  • I don't, ever.

    Once we break up, they're out of my life for good.

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  • I don't lol not once

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  • I don't, and I wouldn't reccommend it. It sounds awful! All my exs are exs for a reason.

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  • I don't have any exes.

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  • he is trying to control you and pull you back.
    you better cut it off. no mercy. he is treating you like a dog.
    are you a dog, or are you something worth being called human? because clearly, you aren't acting like a respectable women if you are letting this continue.

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  • Never have.. never will.. but guys really don't care anyway.. they move on and ignore what she thinks.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Depending on why the relationship ends, I dont stay in contact. And if they contact me or I see them in person I make the contact short. Why should I keep in contact when it didn't work out to begin with.

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