His do I know if he’s actually into me or just wants sex?

[Anonymous]

I know every dude wants sex, but I am conflicted on the signs if that’s ALL he wants or if he is genuinely trying to get to know me.

to be fair he asked me out (twice I believe?) and i rejected him twice telling him I wasn’t looking for a relationship right off the bat and didn’t want to rush into things. He seemed pretty receptive to that and was ok with just being friends (which I really appreciated!!) we both have doggies and we have been wanting to meet at the dog park and we did last week, i figured I’d give that a shot even just to make some new acquaintances and it went surprisingly well! We hit it off and I realized I enjoyed talking to him and his company. We hung out last night (with a few other friends-kinda an intimate but friendly hangout) he kept kissing my head and touching me and confessing he liked me which I thought was odd as we’ve only seen each other 3 times.

I’m just confused at this point, I was hurt pretty badly in my last relationship (he was cheating on me) but this guy seems very direct and forward and sociable which I really admire!
im just scared to be hurt again and trust someone and I just don’t know if he’s trying to get in my pants or genuinely wants to get to know me and hangout with me?

[spartan55]

You know it is possible to want both. I know women just don't think that is possible, but it is. I understand you want to play it safe, but try to keep in mind that this guy is not responsible for your trust issues and shouldn't pay the price as a result. If your trust is still an issue it may not be a good ideaa to date at the moment.
Also, you should take into account that you rejected this dude TWICE, and he still wants to date you (which honestly I'm very surprised about). Typically I would say that is one of the worst tactics you can use, but by some miracle it worked. Keep him updated and remind him about why you aren't putting out just yet. It shows him you respect his feelings too.

[Asker]

I really appreciate this feedback!! Thank you

[spartan55]

Oh it's you...🙄

[Asker]

What does that mean?

[Asker]

I was going to add I’m not trying any tactics or trying to pull something I was very honest from the get go I wasn’t looking for a relationship or looking to rush into one. It’s not games if your being honest about your feelings and motives

[spartan55]

I never said it was playing games, and not challenging your honesty. What I said is most guys would have thought you were too much hassle. All it really ended up being was a stall tactic. But it worked out.

[daemonBot]

See if he's willing to take it slow. At least a significant number of months before any sex. If you demonstrate that you don't jump into bed quickly with him, that's an indication that you have your sexual urges under control and can be sexually faithful. If he's only looking for sex, he probably won't be able to actively maintain and nurture a relationship for 6 months without sex.

[theungirl]

I there is some love bombing at play here. I do think it's a good thing that he's actually trying to get to know you instead of explicitly jumping to the sexual. However, He is clearly trying to flatter you so that you do fall for him. If you're really concerned, think about you conversations, does he ask you about yourself and tries to relate to those interest. Or does he only say shallow flattery words and try to sweet talk you. If he's a sweet talker, his most likely trying to hook up. if he is actually trying to talk to you, then there might be genuine interest.

[Asker]

At the dog park he was asking questions, how long I’ve lived in the area, what I do for work, how long I’ve been working there, do I like or play Bocci ball or pickle ball, how old my dog is, if I’ve hard her since a pup, what position I played in softball, if I played sports in highschool. Those kinda general questions.

[spartan55]

@theungirl
So that is considered love bombing? Where else are you seeing it because I missed it. The guy expressed he liked her after THREE dates. So... WHAT? Too forward? He just wants sex? Come on, let's not forget she has already made him jump through hoops so he has earned at least the benefit of the doubt.

[theungirl]

@spartan55 People can lie, yah know, and the normally do.
Also how exactly has she made him jump though hoops?

[spartan55]

@theungirl
So that means the OP could lie to him too,, correct? Or do only men lie?
Rejecting him twice only to end up going out with him anyway. HOOP... HOOP

[Asker]

@spartan55 technically haven’t gone out they’ve just been hangouts at the dog park and bar hopping with friends

[theungirl]

@spartan55
far "he's like" is a bad argument. there are a lot of things that are very unclear from this post.
I mean form the sounds of it the dog park wasn't really a date. though maybe she didn't properly communicate that. I think op is unsure of her feelings, I honestly can tell if she likes this guy, so in a way, yes she's also not telling the whole truth.
Asker, if you're reading this, first decide if you even like this guy or if you're only entertaining him to make him happy. secondly decide what you would want out of this relationship or if you even want one at all.
just ask what he's expecting out of the relationship. or why he wants to data you. if he doesn't directly answer be cautious, lay out clearly what you want from the relationship so that there is no confusion.

[spartan55]

@asker
You want to play semantics, whatever. I think @theungirl is on to something. I don't think you even like this dude.

[spartan55]

@theungirl
I don't understand what you mean in the first sentence of your last response.

[theungirl]

@spartan55 typo i meant to put "he's lying is a bad argument"

[spartan55]

Still don't know what you are talking about.

[Asker]

In regards to your comment of being unsure of my feelings.
Isn’t that kind of the point of getting to know someone and date them? Sure you can like someone and enjoy being around them, doesn’t mean your compatibility long term will work. I don’t think that comment is fair, in my opinion that’s what dating is for. To see if you like that person and how you mesh into that persons life. no way to know if you want to seriously date that person 2 hangouts in. That’s an unrealistic expectation.

[spartan55]

Did he say he seriously wants to date you? I missed that.

[slatyb]

It's simple. Have sex because YOU want to have sex. You can't trade sex for commitment.

[Asker]

That wasn’t my question at all, thank you for clarifying my boundaries and what I can and can’t do with my body and relationships.

[slatyb]

Sorry. The rest of the answer is you can never know sometimes motivations. All you can know is their behavior.

[Anonymous]

This is very simple. You need only ask what you bring to the table minus sex compared to other women he could be with.

[JayBones2469]

He just wants sex