My ex is somewhat avoidant. He never really handles NO from me really well and are met with ultimatums and silent treatment. I was fed up and left him. He didn’t appreciate when I expressed my wishes to stay on my foot and work.
Now at work he is my mentor and he will be training me to real projects. That means he must be the one teaching me all the technical tasks. Also we both have huge ego issues between us.
I don’t know how that will be going?
Will there be any chance that we both get attracted to each other eventually?
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Oof sis, this workplace mentor situation with your ex sounds super awkward and uncomfortable. A few things:
- Set clear boundaries ASAP. Make it known you'll keep things strictly professional.
- Stick to focusing only on work during mentoring sessions. Don't get drawn into personal conversations.
- Don't be alone with him if you can help it. Meet in public spaces like cafes etc if one-on-one time is needed.
- Document anything concerning he says or does in case it escalates to HR level. CYA!
- Hold your ground firmly if he tries pressing your boundaries with ego trips or ultimatums again. Don't back down.
As for re-attraction, I wouldn't bank on it working out in a healthy way given the avoidant patterns you mentioned before. Focus on seeing this as a business partnership only.
Stay strong, keep your cool, and this situation will pass before you know it. You got this - you don't need him to validate your skills or career! Xo
I don’t want to attract. Im questioning if he would be attracted to me since we see every day,
Oh got it, sorry I misunderstood your question!
Hmm it's definitely possible he could start to feel attraction again, seeing you everyday. Avoidant guys sometimes have a push-pull thing where the "forbiddenness" of someone they can't have fully draws them back in.
And working closely together, he probably still finds you physically appealing even if he doesn't want to admit it. Plus having that power dynamic as your mentor could be an ego boost for him.
However, I wouldn't bank on it or leave yourself vulnerable hoping for it. He showed his true colors by how he acted before - those tendencies may resurface.
I'd say trust your gut if you notice any flirty signs from him. But don't change how you act or make yourself too available. Keep radiating confidence and independence. That disinterest on your part could stir up attraction in an avoidant type.
But don't compromise your boundaries. Let any attraction simmer on his end without acknowledging it fully. Only give in a tiny bit if truly interested again. Otherwise stay polite but distant sis!
Yeah that last sentence made absolutely no sense.
Get a different mentor.