Why does my guy friend text me once a day or longer?

[Anonymous]

So, we’ve been online friends for 8 years. We’d text/ call all the time when we were teenagers. Met once. I got into a long term relationship w/ somebody and stopped texting him for the last 2-3 years. I texted him near the end of the relationship recently to catch up. It was very slow (2-4 days to reply to each other). After my relationship ended, I was a little more consistent and was able to text him everyday. Since this transition, we’ve been VERY SUBTLY flirting, planning a couple trips/ hangout together and generally getting closer again. However, he is online for only 5 mins a day to reply to me then won’t I won’t hear from him til the next day around the same time, at least. He’d mentioned he had 3 days off recently and he hasn’t texted me that whole time. I’m just interested in getting to know him more and getting that bond again but his unavailability has been making that difficult. He apologized for a late reply a couple times or let me know that he will reply later on but it seems to be a reoccurring thing.

[bobalife]

I had a similar experience with a close guy friend who I reconnected recently after a long time as well. We used to talk everyday rather on text/calls/face time and a lot as well. Currently we also no longer talked like that anymore. He also has a girlfriend and so I give respect to that space if she’s not really in favor of it. But he was someone I knew in real life and not virtual though. I guess the difference is that I don’t see him romantically but more of a friendship.

I think it’s a little difficult when we have an expectation of the friendship to be like how it once was before, what we remember, and what we missed. It’s fair and valid. But we need to also let go and just let the friendship develop on its own. Time has changed. People changed. And friendship may also changed.

I’m guilty as your friend cuz I’m a really busy person too. So, my responses can be really slow. I’m the one who don’t really respond to that friend that much lol. But he also has a girlfriend like I said. So, being a girl’s girl… I give that space. However, you mentioned there’s subtle flirting and plans. I think he’s probably not as invested (yet) and figuring it out on his own, not sure, super busy with life, and potentially talking/seeing other girls (most likely ngl). If you wanna find out, you can ask if he is seeing someone. So yknow where you stand abit and it’s up to you to decide if you still wanna see if it will stay as a friendship or if it can develop to be a little more than friendship. But don’t try harder than he is.

you also just got out of a relationship, are you sure you wanna rush into dating? Is it a void you’re filling in? Or do you genuinely like him? Things to consider.

[Asker]

Absolutely. I understand bc we haven’t spoken in a while due to respect of the relationship. I think right now I’m just letting things flow romantically. He’s a good guy but not sure if I can pursue something serious just yet. We were there for eachother through a lot before. I plan to ask if he might be seeing someone when the time is right but I would also just wanna hangout and feel it out. I know he’s not online for day (s) at a time in general, which is good. I can’t be mad that he has a life. I guess it’s just so different than before but change is always happening.

[bobalife]

I understand the feelings, it can be disappointing to see the change of the friendship that you were once very close with. Very valid indeed. A lot of people can relate to this radical change in friendships. You got this, girl. Please give us an update on how things go or when you give the talk. Wish you the best of luck! I hope things work out ☺️

[DishLady]

He likes you. A guy doesn’t do stuff he doesn’t specifically want to do.

[TommyMountainFigure]

That's an easy one to answer, with one simple question:-

Why just because you got into a relationship, you stopped contacting him all together considering according to you you've been friends for 8 years!

[Asker]

Well I did it out of respect for the relationship. One day I just didn’t respond. He could’ve contacted me anytime but we were both just living our lives ig

[TommyMountainFigure]

You do realise though, friendships are two way. You can't decide someone is no longer your friend because something better comes along. Friendships don't work like that. I know this might seem condescending, but it really is something you will learn as you get older. Relationships come and go, but friends are for life!

[spartan55]

Have you told him you want to text more? At least communicate

[Asker]

I haven’t. I’m not sure if he feels the same but I’ll definitely try to communicate that.

[BadApple69]

He is with someone and doesn’t want to tell you that.

[Iron_Man]

Are you sure he’s interested because you got yourself in a relationship with somebody else and you hit the road for three years

[Asker]

Well, he isn’t online in general when I don’t hear from him. We made plans in the summer and everything seems good up until those large gaps of time when he offline.

[Iron_Man]

Maybe he’s trying to teach you a lesson

[impalabill77]

He has a lot of things to do and forgets about you.