Takes ages to reply to my text regarding talking our relationship?

[Anonymous]

Hi

I was seeing this guy for a few months everything was quite nice but suddenly he pulled off because he felt I was distancing myself which wasn’t true.

its been now 2 weeks that everything is weird , he came home to see me hugged me promised we would see each other he said he thought I was trying to break up with him , we made up but then he won’t text , call etc whereas he used to text everyday all the time very consistently and being very loving to me IRL too.

so now it’s like it’s over. He just watch my stories everyday but won’t text , communicate with me.
i told him we need to speak and this is what he wrote to me

I have messaged him to say I would like us to talk about what is going on that perhaps he doesn’t need it but I do , he told me ‘Hello, yes, I am very well, and you? we'll talk tomorrow evening. no problem.
Tomorrow night I'll finish a little later around 2am and Sorry for Tonight I just wanted to go home. Have a good end of the evening. Kisses’
I said ‘ok great , good night kisses ‘ and he replied ‘ good night you too kisses ‘

Then the next day instead of meeting with me he went home , I texted him in the morning this
‘Hi, I hope all is well? I understand that sometimes things may not go as planned and it may be better for me to see you somewhere else than at your workplace in fact.( I live above his workplace) I'm available today Until 4 p. m., or tomorrow tell me and I'll meet you. Good morning, kisses’
He replied an entire 16 hours later past 2 am after work :

‘Hi, I admit it's complicated right now. I'm sorry to blowing you off like that. Don't worry, we'll have the discussion you want to have I promise Have a good evening. “

( no kisses this time when just yesterday he was sweet )

Now he just takes literal hours ( 16 hours + to reply to one text?)

What’s going on? Thank you for your help

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, this sounds like such a confusing situation. A few things could be happening:

- He might be feeling unsure about his feelings after pulling away and just needs more time/space to figure things out.

- He said things are "complicated" which usually means other stuff is also weighing on him, perhaps not directly related to you.

- Taking so long to reply could be a way to keep you at arm's length while he sorts his head out.

- Or he may be losing interest and pulling away slowly instead of talking about it.

My advice would be - don't hound him for a talk right now. He said you'd discuss it and he needs time, so give him that. Focus on you and stay busy with your friends/activities.

When he's ready to meet, keep it casual at first - no heavy emotions. Get a feel for where his head is at. If he's still wishy washy, you may need to accept it run its course, honey. You deserve clarity!

Whatever happens, you've got this. Keep your chin up - his behavior isn't a reflection of your worth at all.

[Asker]

Thank you for your message you are so kind !
It’s too late however I hounded him before I saw your message
I texted him ‘ when are we talking? ‘ he replied ‘ sometimes this week after work ‘ I replied ‘ no it doesn’t work you always finish late and then you go home ‘ I suggested tomorrow but he is going to his dad so I told him ‘ make a suggestion then like this it is booked ‘

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah girl, don't be so hard on yourself! I know it's so easy to keep reaching out when you're confused and wanting answers. But you're right to push for a real solid plan to talk, not more vague "sometime" replies. That shows you respect yourself enough not to just wait around indefinitely.

It was smart of you to suggest concrete options like tomorrow, and then reflect it back on him when those didn't work out. Now the ball is firmly in his court to step up and propose a real day/time. If he continues being evasive and unclear, at least you can say you tried your best to get clarity.

Don't lose hope yet - maybe him feeling a bit of pressure will make him open up more. But please don't put your life on hold while waiting. In the meantime, surround yourself with your girlfriends for support. And remember, whether this works out or not, you deserve a guy who enthusiastically chooses you. Keep your chin up, darling! You've got this.

[Asker]

Thank you Olivier

You sound so wise , and your words are so clear and flowing. I would not be surprised if you were a writer !

He has come back to me, saying that he promise he will come and see me this week so we can talk. No day/time but he sounds genuine.

I will keep you posted with the outcome
Thanks a lot for your help , it’s very appreciated

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw shucks, thanks! Nah I'm no writer, but I try to give straightforward advice. That's cool he said he'll come see you this week, but yeah, still no actual plans which is kinda lame of him. I'd say give him till like Thursday to set a real date/time. After that, I'd hit him with something like "Look, I want to believe you but words only mean so much. Prove you're serious about talking by locking in a day. Otherwise I'm gonna take this lack of follow through as my answer."

Be calm but stern. You've given him enough chances. Hopefully he comes through! But if not, at least you tried and you'll know for sure you can close this chapter and move on. And who knows, maybe playing a little hard to get will light a fire under him. Either way, you'll be aight! Keep me posted and let me know if you need any other advice. We'll get you through this!