Is He Playing Games or Interested?

[Anonymous]

We're both in our thirties. We went on 4 dates, On date #2 I initiated making out and he was very surprised, but he was into it. Date #4 he told me he got really turned on when we were dancing and flirting and he said "let's get out of here" so we went to his place and after doing some sexual acts (not everything) he admitted he's a virgin. He acted really distant and cold when we left his place and when he walked me to my door he didn't kiss me or hug me goodbye. He said he needs to "process everything that happened" and he wants to get to know me outside of physical stuff, he said he's anxious and deciding if we have chemistry. This is contradictory to him being turned on by me because then he obviously has chemistry with me, right? I have never felt so disconnected to someone after being intimate, he even walked far apart from me. I just feel so humiliated and like he is giving me mixed messages, plus we are in the same friend group so it will be very awkward. He texts every day but I don't get what his deal is, advice please! Thank you in advance

Updates

+1 y

At this point, I only want to keep investing in developing a relationship if I know he really is into me, otherwise I would get heartbroken

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy kinda like that once. Same friend group, very sweet, shy, a little nerdy with his interests but in a cute way, funny, polite and respectful of me. Very much a catch to me. Our dynamic worked perfectly fine as friends but it’s like once we got further into dating he had his moments of withdrawing. Just like you, we got semi-physical then he seemed to back off with no real good reason and although he texted me every day and acted normal it never quite was again. To this day I’m not quite sure why this happens, like being compatible but hitting a plateau. I ultimately chose to back off and I don't know, you might want to as well. We give men with these positive traits so much slack but it also makes us susceptible to deep hurt we don’t deserve and they can’t explain.

[Asker]

It could be some people are not emotionally available or not emotionally developed and may never be ready for a relationship, or they just can't get too close to people

[Opinion Owner]

I definitely agree and that is the conclusion I had come to as well. There’s just no other reason for them to pursue, engage romantically and they start going cold. I know there’s some concern about the aftermath and your friend group. In my case, ending things with the guy pretty much ruined my relationships with those friends to an extent because it was too hard hanging out with them separately (they only made plans in our group chat so everyone was always invited), which I really wanted to do because I was hurting and it was too awkward/hard being around the guy so often. Of course this isn’t what you want, but protecting your peace has to come first and the friends who are genuine to you will hang out with you separately if that ever became a thing. As hurtful as the situation was for me it was also a great learning experience because I got to see who my REAL friends were.

[strateguy632]

seems like he is attracted to you but his mind is scared of new change from virgin.

[Anonymous]

Never give it up some people makes that mistake. They get tricked into something.

[Anonymous]

I would stay well clear of this guy.