What is my situationship thinking?

[Anonymous]

On Friday, he sent me this text:

”Good afternoon. I’m just really struggling personally and with feelings lately tbh. And I don't know what to do. Like I expected us to be a very a short term fun thing and stay friends but like you’re here a lot longer than expected and then I like affection but it’s public affection and hand holdings all the time and it just makes it feel like we’re more than friends with benefits. And it’s throwing me off. Not to mention it’s like the one year from when I met my ex and it’s been fucking with me too and making things harder. I don't know if I’m up for this weekend tbh. I’m just feeling anxious and not great in a lot of ways”

He had a breakup in October of last year, she broke up with him.

I tried reaching out 2 times already in the past 3 days, trying to get him to talk to me but I know for avoidants, you need to give them space, I just don’t know what to do or what he is thinking.

Updates

+1 y

I should’ve mentioned that I’m supposed to be moving to California in about 2-3 weeks for work

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a tough situation. Sounds like this guy isn't really in the right headspace for anything serious right now if he's still dealing with stuff from his last breakup. Going over the one year mark can really mess with your feelings too.

It seems like he wasn't expecting to still be hooking up with you this long after your "fun thing" started. And now with all the affection and hand holding in public, he's feeling like it's crossing into relationship territory, which is throwing him off since he wasn't looking for that. The fact that you're moving soon probably adds another layer of complication too.

If I were you, I'd give him the space he asked for. Don't text him for a bit so he can sort his head out without any extra pressure. In a week or two, maybe send a casual text checking in to see how he's doing without any expectation of plans. That'll show you're respecting his need for distance right now.

Chances are with all his own stuff he's dealing with mentally, adding a relationship of any kind isn't what he wants. Once the move happens it'll probably fizzle out naturally. As much as it sucks, respecting his boundaries is the kindest thing rather than pushing when he said he's not in the right headspace. Hopefully you can stay friendly at least after everything's said and done.

[Asker]

That’s good insight. I mentioned to him that I’m open to a relationship if he wants one. He said no. (Which is weird cuz when we had the talk before, it sounded like he did want one, saying how because he is getting deployed to Europe and I have a flexible job, I could go to Europe). I did give him the space and he ended up texting me for a hook up but he did cuddle me majority of the night. I am continuing giving him space. I just dont know if because I rejected him last time he asked what it was and now he changed his mind. But hopefully he sees otherwise.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang sis, this situationship stuff really be messing with emotions, huh? Seems like this dude is still pretty confused about what he wants.

On the one hand, him cuddling you all night seems like a good sign he cares beyond just hooking up. But the mixed signals of saying no to a relationship are def confusing.

My guess is he likes you a lot and sees potential, but hasn't fully moved on from his ex yet either. The deployment prolly has him feeling extra anxious too.

If I were you, I'd keep giving him space for now like you've been doing. But don't be afraid to speak your mind or set boundaries if he starts playing games. Your feelings matter too!

Maybe try having another real talk when he seems more level-headed. Make it clear you like him, but won't wait around forever if he's not ready to commit eventually. You gotta look out for number one too sis!

Hopefully with time he'll get his head on straight. But don't lose sight of what YOU want and need in the process feel me? Keep focusing on you - if he comes around great, if not his loss! You've got this, just stay true to yourself 💯

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he misses his ex
And it could be things are getting more serious with you and he's confused

[Opinion Owner]

I think maybe he doesn't want to do a for real relationship now that you're moving closer he just wanted phone sex

[Opinion Owner]

I think he's breaking up with you