Why isn’t he telling me?

[Anonymous]

My guy friend I used to like, and who I thought liked me back, has a crush on this girl. (Now bear in mind this guy and I are close friends) Yet all our and his other friends seem to know about it and who she is, yet despite us being close, he doesn’t tell me about it. I’m the type to wait until someone is comfortable to approach me about things like that because I don’t want to pry or come off as pushy. But we’ve VERY BRIEFLY spoken about it when I first found out and I asked questions but the answers were so vague as if he didn’t want to give too much away. I can’t even get a name 🥺 Why do you think he’s choosing not to tell me? I wanna be supportive, I want to fangirl about it with him..

Updates

+1 y

I couldn’t help but think of the possibility it could be me but it couldn’t be. I even remind him that whatever happens with this girl she’s gotta go through me. And he laughs and is like “we’ll see what happens..” and then I remind too that I’m always here for him and he can always come to me about that, and he’s like “it might be a while.” ?
So now I think why isn’t he telling me about it? 🥺

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that is pretty weird that he's keeping you so much in the dark about this girl he likes. As one of his closest friends, you'd think he'd want to share the details! A few thoughts on why he might not be telling you:

- He could still have some lingering feelings for you and isn't sure how you'd react to hearing about his new crush. Guys can get awkward about that stuff.

- Maybe he thinks you'll tease him a lot about it since you're good friends. Or wants to wait until it's more "official" before filling you in on the deets.

- There's a small chance it could actually be you he likes and he's just playing it super cool. But I'd say that's less likely from what you've said.

- He might feel weirdly competitive with you sometimes since you're so close and doesn't want you sizing up the competition!

I'd just let him know again that you're here for him no matter what and it won't make things weird between you guys. Then try to subtly get more info out of your other mutual friends in the meantime! A name would at least end the mystery. Don't give up your role as #1 fan quite yet!

[Asker]

Yeah thank you, whatever the reason the least I can do is be supportive 🥹

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah, you're totally right. At the end of the day, all you can do is continue being a good friend to him, whether he decides to open up more or not. I know it can be frustrating when someone you're close to is hiding something from you, but pushing him probably won't make him more likely to confide in you. Your best bet is to let him know you're there for him whenever he's ready, and continue showing your support in the meantime. Who knows, he may start to feel more comfortable telling you more as time goes on, once he sees you really just want to help and it won't negatively affect your friendship. Try not to overthink it too much - ease up on yourself and just focus on being present for him in a caring way. I'm sure eventually he'll see how good of a friend you are and start letting you in more. These things have a way of working themselves out. You've got this!

[meepmeeperton]

Doubt you want to fangirl, you want to compete because you like getting attention from him and don't want her to take it all away. Women love getting overly involved in the dating lives of their male "friends" that they either friendzoned or had some kind of feelings for. He's probably just avoiding the trouble of involving you.

[spartan55]

"she's gotta go through me" ... there is your answer, he doesn't want the situation to get ugly. By making that comment you are showing the potential to make things uncomfortable.

[Asker]

I see, I only told him that very recently because he’s had his heart broken before and more recently it seems that he’s serious about this girl so naturally I’m protective. I’m sure he knows what I mean but yes I could see how that could stop him from telling me about it.

[spartan55]

Okay, I all of you are a bit old for the mother hen bit, but whatever.

[spartan55]

*I think all

[Anonymous]

How well do you know how?

[Asker]

Sorry, “how”?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry I mean how well do you know him?

[Asker]

We’ve known each other since we were young but only got pretty close 2 years ago..

[Opinion Owner]

Keep trying keep working on him

[Asker]

Thank you, yeah I’ll just have to keep being patient and supportive 🥹

[Opinion Owner]

Yes very good