Is ghosting someone when depressed acceptable?

[Anonymous]

I been talking to this guy for a few months. Recently he opened a new business and got stitches. He told me he’s depressed and needs space from his phone and hasn’t contacted me since. He said he hasn’t been wanting to talk to anyone even family and coworkers. I texted him to let him know I’m here for him and tried to call him but still no reply. Is this acceptable?

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "I been talking to this guy for a few months." It sounds like it is not yet a serious relationship and your obligation at this point is not the same as it would be if you had been dating for two years.

2. "Recently he opened a new business and got stitches." That is a total non sequitur that needs some explanation.

3. "He told me he’s depressed and needs space from his phone and hasn’t contacted me since." So that isn't what is typically called "ghosting," but he has cut off all contact in a slightly more polite way.

4. "He said he hasn’t been wanting to talk to anyone even family and coworkers." When did he say this?

5. "I texted him to let him know I’m here for him and tried to call him but still no reply. Is this acceptable?" He is entitled to do whatever he wants and you are free to respond however you want. It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks is acceptable.

Do you think this guy is The One and you should wait for him? Do you think this is an excuse and he has started dating someone else? Are you feeling more annoyed than concerned?

If this guys isn't The One, you cold be waiting another six months and still asking the same questions, wondering when - if ever - this will resolve. How much time do you think you should wait before deciding to move forward without him?

[spartan55]

@OlderAndWiser
Nonsequitur! I knew there was a name for it!

[OlderAndWiser]

@spartan55 No charge! :) :) :)

[Angelo75]

Depression is acceptable in the sense that it exists.
But it's NOT acceptable if a friend knows someone that has depression and the friend does nothing about it.
Depression is a very dark and unwanted sickness.
It's more or less like the situation of having a thorn deep in your foot. It hurts a lot when you try to walk. But if you sit still (isolation) the pain is less complicated or intense. But you're still hurting. Problem is, to take the necessary step to pull that thorn out is so painful that many times the person in depression is too exhausted to do it on their own.
Also the fact that getting depression under control doesn't happen in 1 day means that the proces of getting better is exhausting.
But at the end of that road, good-friends/loved-ones/family who didn't give up on the depressed ones are a great source of strength. And when (or if) the depressed person pulls out of it, he/she will be thankful for your support.

Just try to time it right to be balanced between "being there for a friend" and "overdoing it and become annoying".

[AmandaYVR]

Well said. 👏

[Rosexøxø]

I think it’s an acceptable reason..

depression isn’t a joke. I don't know why call him if he said he didn’t feel like speaking. This is one of those few moments where I can understand now why other females say girls seem so clueless or so when they ask a question why he ghosts or something and then they don’t get he isn’t interested in them plainly. I don’t agree with ghosting, but I’ve gotten accustomed and done it myself when I’ve just been busy or tired but very rarely. If someone ghosts me (haven’t been recently) but if they ghost me I’d probably just not care and move on.

This case particularly and ESPECIALLY is just one where as much as I liked him I’d just ignore him until he spoke to me or leave it altogether. Maybe a polite excuse or legitimate reason. Should respect the boundary and need for space/or solitude.

[Lalalove11]

Hi I have been through something similar with a guy who had bipolar but also ended up being deceptive so just be wary. Yeah when depressed people ghost it is common but it's not something I would accept. If he wants you maybe try set up a system that lets you know he's okay even if it's just a thumbs up or something. But it's going to be hard work and depends how much you want him and how much he's willing to communicate. Unfortunately with bipolar guy he ghosted too much I couldn't anymore. Too hurtful.

[Account]

It is acceptable for him to stop the conversation/not entertain it whenever he feels like stopping, no matter the reason.

If someone didn't respond to me I would move on and I suggest you doing the same.

[zayndan]

I understand how he feels, I've done the same thing once or twice with my girlfriend. Sometimes depression is hard to navigate, and the best thing to do is be alone. We all feel like that at some point. If u haven't, then you probably haven't felt depressed in your life. What's important is that he tells u about what he's going through, and asks for the space that he needs. Hopefully it's not too long. I usually only need a day or 2. Show him some grace and compassion, tell him that you love him and and understand how he feels and don't mind giving him the space he needs, and he'll love u sooo much for being understanding and supportive. So it's acceptable to a point, once he doesn't ghosts u

[Anonymous]

Is his depression acceptable…. My god, that is just so sickening to read. Why do you or any one else need to validate how he's feeling based on how YOU are feeling? You don’t have to accept his issues it isn’t for you or anyone else to accept! Sorry it doesn’t work for your life, sorry you want him available to you and it’s “unfair” that he is ghosting but my goodness girl don’t be so selfish. This isn’t about you just wish him well please and move on. He’s trying to relay this but you are fighting him on it tooth and nail because you don’t want it. Stop stop stop.

[OlderAndWiser]

You have misconstrued her post. She asked if she should accept him ghosting her. She did NOT ask if his depression is acceptable. Read her post again.

[Opinion Owner]

Ghosting is to disappear from someone’s life completely without a word and that’s not what’s happening here. He isn’t “gone”, he’s asking for space. She doesn’t have to accept his decision, but regardless it should be respected and she should decide if this distance works for her or not.

[Opinion Owner]

I would definitely say this post is asking if his depression is acceptable because what’s it mean to accept something? It’s to agree, right? She does not agree with him withdrawing just because he’s depressed, which to me just isn’t cool. Like this can be clinical depression for all she knows and he’s taking time to himself so he can figure it out. Of course that would hurt any woman to be on the receiving end of that but what else is there to do?

[BetaBucks]

I do this when I'm depressed, but I wouldn't do my it to my wife or girlfriend. That's the one person you don't do it to. It shows that he either doesn't value YOU or doesn't value the status of a significant other. Either way, not looking good.

I say this, assuming he literally was going no contact with you, as opposed to just being spotty with texts.

[Radiate143]

This!!

[hahahmm]

He has family to look after him. You're not married. Move on and stop overthinking things. If he wants to contact you in the future he has your contact info. Although, personally, if somebody ghosted me I'm not waiting around for them. Life is short.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I wouldn't call that ghosting, because he clearly communicated that he needs space. Ghosting is when you are chatting it up with someone and then they are just... gone. No communication. No explanation. No "Talk later!" or "I don't feel like talking anymore". Just... poof!

The depression concerns me a lot, though. I'm just not sure that you are in much of a position to help.

[luvstoned4him]

I think ghosting period is childish. Like communication exists people, use it. Anyone who doesn't have the ability to be able to say "I dont like you", "Im not looking for anything serious" or anything along those lines should not be dating period. I get younger people but older people behaving that way is sad

[avery58]

He didn't really ghost you because he let you know directly that he needed space. Give him the space he needs and just catch up once in a while to make sure he's okay if you want. Try to be patient if he's not very responsive as he already told you he wasn't going to be communicating much. That's if you care for his well being anyway.

[blueonblack22]

Hey didn’t ghost you given he told what was going on beforehand. Weird behavior but at least he is honest. You need to respect his wishes.

I swear women really don’t know what ghosting is. It’s when somebody intentionally doesn’t respond to your and they gave you zero reason why. This guy told you exactly what was going on before he stopped responding

He’s got to figure some things out on his own.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's not acceptable, but people in situations like that aren't "themselves," if that makes sense.

That kind of behavior is precisely why I have rules to never date women with depression and the like. You never know when those conditions will flare up and they do tremendous amounts of damage.

[Anonymous]

Well technically he’s already told you that he needs some space away from his phone. I think you dropping the message letting him know that you’re there for him is enough - other than that, leave him be. He’ll probably contact you when he feels ready again. Depression is complex and can get very lonely. I know it’s hard for you not hearing back from him but I think it’s best to leave him alone for now.

[ClaircognizantEmpath]

hi, doesn't sound like ghosting he said his piece and what ever is behind it he doesn't feel in a place to be responding to things. you have offered support i would happily leave it there my friend xx

[SugarSugarplum]

Ghosting is never acceptable, unless you're an actual ghost. Anyone you've spent time with - unless he tried to assault you - deserves the hey, it's not going to work out conversation.

[spartan55]

"he opened a new business and got stitches"... so fucking weird.

[Alwayreckles93]

Well you did offer him your trust and let him know he can count on you if he needs a shoulder to cry. Yet he doesn't even text hi or simple hey. Maybe he is just using that as an excuse.

[sheikalana]

Yes, that is acceptable since he was very clear and told you he needs space from his phone, is busy and depressed and doesn't feel like talking to anyone yet you crossed his boundary. Let him be.

[Radiate143]

Asking for time sure. Frankly, in my experience depression as ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS (did I mention always) for losing interest, not wanting to put in effort and usually wanting someone else.

[Radiate143]

*an excuse. They are usually monkey branching 100% of the time.

[edmwarrior]

If it’s really depression, it’s more serious than you think. The fact that he told you about it says a lot. Most just stay silent. I’d just hope for the best for him. Try not to be upset.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Of course. Nobody has the right to invade other person's privacy!

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't even fucking know u. Why the fuck are you so clingy? You need to see a damn therapist you're weird af. He doesn't owe u shit and he doesn't like u. Get over it

[JacobJordan]

He didn't ghost you though. He told you he was depressed and needed space from his phone.

[genericname85]

it's excusable but being depressed doesn't exactly make one more attractive as a partner xD

[MrDaveAPSI]

No, please do not ghost. Just tell him, you need some space, and that you're likely going to break up with him

[Anastacia1989]

He was just making excuses to cut you off….. everyone works for a living these days

[Emmytexrex]

He is trying to push you away with that silly excuse

[SotiCoto]

Ghosting is a form of gaslighting. So no.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, phone people are so backward.

[DishLady]

Nope.

[Iron_Man]

No it’s not