Help! Why did my boyfriend lie about going to the beach with another girl?

[Dengirl]

My boyfriend (29 years old) was a real player before we got together, and had lots of friend with benefits, including me. So I'm always a bit paranoid on the inside, but have NEVER expressed jealousy to him ever.

He's really open about what he's doing during the day, and who he hangs out with, but he's secretly hanging out with this specific, very hot girl. Imagine blonde, big fake lips etc.

He has only mentioned this girl to me once, after he ran into her at his gym, because he told me he met an old female friend, who told him that she's having an affair with his old friend who is married. Basically it was more a story about some gossip about his old male friend. Such morals she has...

Since then I have been looking at her instagram profile sometimes, because she's always in my suggested friends everywhere.

Yesterday she posted a story while I was at work, and it was a selfie of her lying on the beach, and my boyfriends bag and hair was halfway in the picture.
When I got home, I asked him casually what he had been up to that day, and he told me he worked out, went to get a bike fixed etc. nothing about the girl.

Then today , as he normally does, he told me he would meet up for at coffee with his recent female friend (who he doesn't hide from me), and he updated me about whats going on in her life - so it's only the hot girl that he keeps secret.

Is he straight out cheating, or is he just afraid that I might get jealoux of this girl, and decide to just keep their friendship from me?

Updates

1 y

Update: he asked me twice if "is something wrong?" because he could feel it on me. The day after he had deep cleaned that apartment and made me dinner. Clearly feels guilty, but for not telling me, or for cheating hmm?

Updates

1 y

He has seriously been a better boyfriend ever since... weird

[DishLady]

Ok a little complicated, but consider this:
1. Your guy is being up front with you. That’s a good thing. Many guys would just hide the details and whatever happens happens, you know? No reason to be concerned that he’s trying to do the right thing and only sees her as a friend.


2. The girl is a tr**p who is already someone’s side piece and clearly doesn’t mind taking what’s not hers. You’re not unreasonable for being concerned there.


You could mention to the guy that you’re concerned not about HIS intentions but about hers and let him know that spending time with this woman bugs you specifically for that reason. He should be able to respect that….

[Dengirl]

He mentioned her only once a while ago, and now he liked about what he did that day at the beach. The girl he was up front about was not the girl i'm concerned about

[DishLady]

Aha… my bad, I read it as being the same girl. Ok… so sit with him and tell him this is your concern. It’s not ok for him to jest be out with random girls all the time… unless you’re also supposed to hang out with random guys…. Then that’s a different situation.

[Anonymous]

Part of me says not to be too concerned. But part of me says yes be concerned. I say no because most men aren’t going to tell a girl about some other girl like this especially if he’s really into her. Although he could play it off by making remarks about her to give you the impression that he isn’t interested in her. But at the same time he’s had a history of FWBs, to include you. So w that said I don’t know why you would say much about this girl w “no morals” when you allowed yourself to be in an friends with benefits yourself. To me that’s a lack of morals as well. So I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s trying to get w her. If she’s willing to have an affair w a man who’s married, chances are she’ll give it up to him as well.

[Dengirl]

But is your answer the same, if you consider that back when we were single and in friends with benefits relationships, we were completely open about us two not being exclusive, so no one was lied to at all (hence I don't see why this points to a lack of morals). I say that this girl has a lack of morals because she is having sex with his old friend who actually has a girlfriend and a kid, and she is okay with ruining that relationship.

[TonyV]

So while you were just one of his friends with benefits, how many friends with benefits did you have?

I don't know why you thought it was a good idea to be in a relationship with a know player, he was fucking everyone with tits on 2 legs before he met you, then continued to fuck everything on ti legs with tits now including you sense you walk on 2 legs and have tits and you thought that was just gonna stop overnight? You thought the handsome man with the charisma and a silver tongue that can talk just about any woman into letting him give them backs hots would just walk away from the lifestyle?

What is this? Is this a " I can change him" attemp gone wrong?

[Dengirl]

I had one for a while, while I was also sleeping with the one who is now my boyfriend, and I also dated a bunch of guys throughout that periode of time, so no he didn't 'play' me exactly, but others apparrently.
And no I don't think guys just stop overnight, but he had been going through a rough period of time - a bit complicated, but I was there for him and he for sure appreciated that, and we got to properly know each other personally.

[avery58]

There's like a 99% chance that he's cheating. I don't know why you even trusted him in the first place.

Breaking up with him and getting yourself checked (if you're free from any STI's) as a health precaution would be the best thing to do.

[JesseP1nk]

Todays lesson: "People never change"

Read your own first sentence... - what did you expect? 🤦 You honestly thought after fucking every girl he knows (including you) you two start a relationship then he will change? You thought you were the special one, huh? 😬 I have a bridge to sell ya

[Dengirl]

I guess everyone has to settle down at some point, and he's exstremely different with me now than he was back then where I didn't know him deeply

[JesseP1nk]

Never settle with fuckboy. But good guys are boring to you?

[Dengirl]

He has other qualities

[JesseP1nk]

Well good luck...

[Anonymous]

You have excused his behavior all the way into a relationship and while you’re in it and it’s ridiculous. You were a friends with benefits to a man who was a known player, how did you talk yourself through that? Now he’s here lying and stuff again but you still need outside opinions to make you even consider leaving. That is so wild to me.

[Fatoumamoud]

Thank you for your opinion. She needs to stay away from him.

[Opinion Owner]

So he’s guilty for cheating, being a better boyfriend because of that and you’re so content? You need help, the bar for your standards and self respect is in hell.

[Fatoumamoud]

You know he is cheating but still need a second opinion. Here a the second opinion: he is cheating on you. You need some self respect if you still got some left and leave his ass. It's a stressful situation to always wonder he is with.

[Dengirl]

But I don't actually know if they only hang out- I would need some more concrete evidence to completely break up

[Fatoumamoud]

The fact you need a evidence is a red flag. I pray for your mental state. Good luck !