Is he a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

This guy asked when I'd be back in his country for him to see me. I told him I had to think about it. So yesterday I said if he could come see me in a neighboring country. He said he would love to, so I gave him the dates. Then he asked "would you like me to join?".

What kind of question is that? Is he looking for validation?

[RavVid]

Seeing is different to joining

Seeing could be having lunch together.

Joining could be traveling together and sleeping in the same bed. I think you should take joining in the old fashioned sense of fucking. Clarify if that is not in your mind.

Male and female narcissists are different. Females tend to be vulnerable narcissists who have to get others to agree she is superior. Males tend to be arrogant narcissists who know their shit doesn't smell and think there is something wrong with you if you do. They don't need no validation.

Basically you are transposing female norms onto men which never works well.

[Asker]

Thank you for clarifying!

[RavVid]

No prob.

[Anonymous]

He's making sure you're sincerely interested. You should do him a favor and cut off all contact immediately though.

[Asker]

Why?

[Opinion Owner]

It's not going to work out with you two.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it sounds like he wants to here about how much you wanna see him. Like you already clarified you’d like to see him so there’s no other good reason.

[spartan55]

How about the fact that she jerked him around about meeting?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t wanna be too judgy by saying she was jerking him around for needing to think about hanging out with him. Mainly because I don’t know their history, that answer could’ve just been leeriness on her end depending on their situation. Who knows, maybe his need for validation is about feeling reassured but in any case, he’s doing too much. There’s no good reason for him to keep asking if she wants to see him when she’s already agreed and they’re setting a date.

[spartan55]

@OpinionOwner
Fair enough. If that's the case then he deserves the benefit of the doubt too.

[avery58]

He was probably just looking for reassurance

[spartan55]

Seriously? Do him a favor and break up.

[Asker]

Why?

[spartan55]

Because you jerked him around and he is making sure you are sincere. Then you think he needs validation? You have this all wrong.