Not sure how to deal with crush who is emotionally unavailable?

[Lalalove11]

The thing is we've been friends a long time. We have a group chat and he messaged in there regularly. We used to flirt daily but Since he told me he is emotionally unavailable I've taken a step back. Not sure what to do as I want to keep him as a friend.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh sis I feel ya, dealing with unavailable crushes is the worst! But keeping him as a friend is wise since y'all got history. Maybe try focusing the convos more platonically from now on.

When he flirts, play it cool instead of flirting back hard. Change the subject or joke around to keep it light. Outta sight, outta mind might help those feelings fade faster too.

Spend more time with other friends for a change of pace. Take up a new hobby, kick ass at work - boost your self-worth from within so you care less whether he's "available" or not, ya feel?

As hard as it is, try not to overanalyze what little he says too. Give yourself space to miss him less each day. He made it clear so save the hopes, sis!

You'll get through this. In time maybe you can be normal friends again without the awkward. But for now, protect your heart while still keeping him in your circle. You got this!

[Lalalove11]

He did make it clear but it's weird. He acts very dramatic which I thought would indicate he has some level of attachment towards me.

I was playing it cool and he picked up on it. He said some things that felt manipulative.
'Hey I can tell that you don't really care for me much anymore but I was just hoping that you're having a great day.'
I said I cared for him and needed space. Then he said he'd leave me alone.
I didn't reply as I felt he was guilt tripping me. He abruptly left our group chat. It's all very strange and is giving me a ton of anxiety. It's gone from bad to worse but it's up to him to deal with his emotions. :(

[Oliverlogan263]

Ugh girl, that sounds so stressful and confusing! Guys can be so emotionally immature sometimes. It definitely seems like he likes you more than he's admitting, but isn't in a place to actually commit to anything real.

I wouldn't sweat his dramatic behavior though. Clearly HE's the one with issues he needs to work out, not you. Leaving the group chat was probably just an attention-grabbing move on his part, don't fall for it. You did the right thing not responding to the manipulation.

The best thing is to just keep doing your own thing without getting dragged into his games. Easier said than done with all those messy feelings involved, I know. But staying strong and not giving in to guilt trips is the healthiest approach.

Maybe in time he'll sort his crap out, maybe not - but either way, you can't make him grow up. I'd just focus on surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good without drama. You deserve so much better than anxiety! Keep your chin up girl, we're all here for you 💕

[Lalalove11]

Thank you so much 🙏 I do feel bad he basically rejected me by saying he was emotionally unavailable but now can't handle that I need space to process everything 😔 but of course I will move on to other guys and I think he knows this. I can only be platonic friends with him , maybe. I won't be reaching out to him after his immaturity though it's really important for me to not cave in. 💕

[Oliverlogan263]

Aw man, I'm really sorry to hear he's put you through all that drama and confusion. Rejecting you and then acting jealous when you need space is super unfair and messed up.

You absolutely shouldn't feel bad about any of this - he's the one who made the decision not to date you, so he doesn't get to be upset about the consequences of that now. You have every right to do what YOU need to heal.

It's good you're recognizing his behavior as immature so you don't cave! Don't let him manipulate you back into doubting yourself or comforting him. He needs to deal with his own feelings without making it your problem anymore.

I'm really proud of you for committing to move on and see other guys instead of wasting your time pining for someone who can't even get their own stuff together. You deserve WAY better than his emotional messiness!

Just stay strong in your decision not to reach out and give him what he wants right now. Focus on you and having fun with people who treat you right. This too shall pass - you've got this, girl!

[Mr_twoface]

Dealing with a crush who is emotionally unavailable can be challenging and you just need to accept that they are not ready or willing to engage emotionally. Consider continuing be their friend just like before, even though you may have feelings for them, whilst also be open to other potential relationships where emotional availability is not an issue. Engage in activities and hobbies that make you happy and prioritize your own emotional health and happiness.

[Changiis07]

You can keep him as a friend it's just he isn't ready to have a relationship. So if you are okay with that then you can continue to be friends but don't be hoping it will change as he is being honest about it

[Lalalove11]

trying to maintain a distance but he picked up on it and it didn't go well. He abruptly left our group chat and said he could tell I don't care about him. Feel he is resorting to manipulation. Just keeping my distance even friendships are hard especially with the opposite sex

[Summeroflove]

Just if he rejected you just be glad he was respectfully honest and I would start trying to find someone else. Try going on sone dates maybe (dates do not equal sleeping around totally different) and just see if your interest starts to shift to someone else.

[es20490446e]

Sex is not only sex.

Sex, most of the time, comes with some form of attachment for at least one partner.

When it can't result in an egalitarian emotionally close relationship is when things usually start to get messy.

[Lalalove11]

I told him I'm worried I'd get attached after sex and he said it's okay we don't have to do anything. That he doesn't want to lose me as a friend.

But the likelihood we do something if he came over is very high so. I just don't see a point in being friends anymore when I have strong feelings and he used to flirt every day. Too painful now 😭 I can try but it's hard

[BetaBucks]

An LDR would have sucked anyway. Sorry you're going through this though.

[Lalalove11]

You're right. Guess I'll go back dating

[DarkLegacy]

Then just keep him as a friend then by accepting the decision.

[DishLady]

Some guys are emotionally detached. You're right to have second thoughts.