Why do people tell men that they should express themselves but when they do, they're called whiners?

[Anonymous]

[blueonblack22]

Women say they “like” men who show their emotions. But in reality it just makes the man more relatable and less threatening while at same time (for most women) less attractive.

Women literally want all men to be like this except the one they are dating.

[Anonymous]

Because women are hypocrites

[Account]

I dont do that shit, it would make me a hypocrite since I don't express myself too. They should feel free to express or not express, that is fully on them and it is none of my business to judge that.

[HawkPerception]

It's women's hypocrisy. I've never seen a girl be more attracted to a guy for crying and showing emotion. Sure it's fine to cry at the loss of a loved one. It shows you have emotions. Or at a wedding when she walks down the aisle. But other than very specific scenarios any more than that and they will not admit it , but they do become less attracted subconsciously.

Women their man to be their rock.

[thatshydork]

Or, and hear me out on this one, you’ve never seen a woman be more attracted to men when they show emotion because it doesn’t affect how they view the man at all. I know it doesn’t affect my view of a man/attraction towards a man if they show emotion. Emotions are a natural human response to situations, so why would I like a guy any less just for having a normal emotional reaction?

With all that being said, there is a such thing as showing too much emotion (both for men AND women). Like, no one wants to be around someone who’s crying all the time or complains about every little thing. Also, people don’t want to be around someone whose anger gets out of control easily or let’s their anger get the best of them.

[Asker]

@thatshydork Why are you using youself as an example?

[Skinhead-1979]

I've kept my mouth shut for years/ decades which eventually led to suicide attempts.

When I was recovering from my first suicide attempt December 2019 (60 painkiller overdose...4 more hangings followed; 3rd one should have been successful) I ended up talking with a Psychiatrist or Psychologist and that was the first time I opened up.

After the 'floodgates' had been opened, there was no stopping me anymore. I talk a lot about myself and how my life has been. Not to gain attention or something, to ensure people know who I am and why I am the way I am. I have been accused of so many things in my life by people who set out to destroy me and their 'flying monkeys' were more than willing to believe them, I can't have this happen ever again.

No one has ever called me a 'Whiner' or 'Attention seeker', but if someone would: I don't care

[alice55]

It's not so much a matter of being a man or not, here in France many old people call every young person whiner because they voice their thought.

In France men and women can express themselves freely usually (except when there's some against like old people pr just random person but they're in the minority).

I like when people express themselves to me cause it mean they trust me

[KostasKouvalis]

"I like when people express themselves to me cause it mean they trust me"

I feel the same way :)

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis It's great :)

[KostasKouvalis]

Yes, absolutely! You feel an intense emotional bond when someone shares their darkest secrets and feelings, or when you share yours

[alice55]

@KostasKouvalis Yes, it serve to create a stronger bonds

[KostasKouvalis]

Yes, and it triggers all the pleasure receptors in your body, at least it does with me. It truly is amazing feeling. And trust has always been very important to me.

[Asker]

To eaches own. Id rather be stoic and not share anything

[KittygosMeoWW]

It’s one thing to acknowledge your feelings, process them, and voice your thoughts/worries lol and another thing to whine and complain about your faults while doing nothing to better yourself or situation. Women don’t want to hear a weak man feel sorry for himself and expect someone to solve his problems…..

[Asker]

But that could be subjective. Whining to you is just a guy talking about things he's dealing with and how frustrated he is. But that would still imply he's whining. Men should just keep things to themselves. Be open with people is worse.

[KittygosMeoWW]

No there’s a difference between whining and sharing a burden.

[Asker]

There really isn't if it's something you don't like or don't want to hear. There's healthy to deal with emotions or express yourself. Sharing with women is not one of those ways. Men should always try their best to be stoic around women

[Nirmroth]

Never got called a whiner bec I expressed myself.

Whining is complaining in an annoying childish way full of self pity. Learning the term and the difference between opening up and expressing yourself and whining might help.

[Asker]

It's subjective. What's expressing yourself could be whining to someone else

[Nirmroth]

Then why do you specify it to men if its subjective

[Asker]

Because i mentioned men in the title 😀

[Nirmroth]

Ye and you just said yourself its subjective

[Nirmroth]

Why ask a question you already know the answer of. Its not only men women can be annoying whiners too

[Asker]

We can ask questions we already know the answer to see how other people respond

[Nirmroth]

So you just come up with bs to ask and I was wondering why you were anonym if its genuine

[Asker]

Yup and to piss you off

[Nirmroth]

How did you know my weakness was stupid questions?

[Asker]

Its a genius question. You're not on my level son. Im better than you intellectually. Now be a good little boy & be quite

[IslaTheWitch]

because expressing yourself doesn't mean whining...

it means showing your emotions, naming them, and taking care of them

[Asker]

So it has to be the way women want it shown

[IslaTheWitch]

it's the way we show it... and we always take care of our emotions... we know way too well happens with emotions left alone

[Asker]

But you're women. Men aren't women

[IslaTheWitch]

and? does it mean you can be a whining boy all the time?

[Asker]

No. Men should just keep things to themsehves. I think its better for men to just deal with problems on their own to begin with

[IslaTheWitch]

women, men... we are human beings and share mental construction... in general ir isn't good to keep emotions bottled up...
but at the end of the day it's your life, your mental health and your decision together with its consequences

[Asker]

Men shouldn't share anything. Men should learn how to deal with it on their own. Getting emotional or wanting to express yourself is not the way to go about things

[IslaTheWitch]

lmao, yes, definitely if they did as you say, we wouldn't have to deal with them anymore... the suicide rate would be 90% or higher

emotions don't tolerate being bottled up... they affect the mental health of the owner if can't express themselves...

[Asker]

You can deal with those emotions in healthier ways. Talking to women isn't one of them

[IslaTheWitch]

I'm happy you are an exception :D

[Asker]

If i was the exception, a lot of women wouldn't be wondering why so many men dont want to talk about their problems. Stoicism goes hard and keeping yoir emotions in check and still being able to be level headed is a lot harder than just giving into emotions. It displays discipline

[IslaTheWitch]

a lot of men don't talk about their emotions because no one told them they can... not because they see women, especially those closest to them, as their enemies

[Asker]

Men can but they know that they shouldn't. There's other ways they can deal with this feelings and emotions

[sirderpsalot123]

It comes down to if you'd rather be told you're displaying "toxic masculinity" or being told you're a whiney crybaby. There's no winning lol

[dustybiker2]

There is a dif between moment when you are needing a snickers vs when you go into detail about not writing down important planets. Delivery.

[dustybiker2]

And weed. Lets not forget weed.

[sirderpsalot123]

@dustybiker2 nms rants are important lol

[dustybiker2]

I find them fascinating

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

It's definitely healthy, but there must be a balance in everything. The same goes with women.

[Asker]

Women are fine. Women are emotional by default. Men need to keep their emotions in check

[thatshydork]

Not that I do that sort of thing, but maybe it’s about how you bring attention to the thing you’re talking about.

[Asker]

In what way

[thatshydork]

Like if you say “ugh! I HATE when you do that” then that sounds like whining. However, if you say “please stop, I don’t like it when you do that”, that doesn’t sound like whining.

[Asker]

So its not what you say it's how you say it 😂

[thatshydork]

I know you put the laughing emoji at the end so you might be joking, but yeah. I have a job where I have to constantly interact with people and finding the right choice of words makes confrontational situations go a lot smoother.

[Asker]

But at the end of the day the result is still the same

[thatshydork]

Not really because better wording leaves less bitter feelings. With less bitter feelings, the desired effect is more likely to happen. I mean, someone saying, “I think your strategy for ___ is absolute dog shit” is less likely to be received positively then if you say “I think you could do better and I have some tips for you.”

Like at my job, sometimes parents come in before we’re finished setting up and rather then telling them “get the fuck out, we’re not ready yet”, we say something like “hi! I’m so sorry but we’re actually not ready for any kids yet (I work at a camp) so if you could step outside for a bit, that would be great.” We’re still telling them we need them to leave so we can finish setting up, but in a way that is polite, professional, and will likely have a better response and less chances for them arguing back to us/it turning into a whole scene then something more rude.

[Asker]

But logically its still the same result. You're responding with feelings and emotions. Im responding with logic. One may sound harsher but at the end of the day, you get the same answer. But then again women are by default more politically correct than men so it doesn't surprise me we'd have different views on this

[thatshydork]

Actually, I have found that a confrontational attitude or words tend to result in a worse mood, worse outcome, and worse answers. A “get the fuck out” is more typically met with a “who the fuck do you think you’re talking to like that?” whereas a “could you step out for a minute please?” typically gets more of a “ok, sure” response and you both leave without any arguing or negative feelings towards the other. Two completely different responses that are essentially both telling the person to get out but, typically, two different results. That’s a conclusion I’ve come to using logic and past experiences, not just feelings and emotions or just logic. People respond better when met with manners and not harsh words. Harsh words put people in the defensive while kinder words tend to make people more comfortable and open to doing something.

I respect that we have differing opinions, but you seem to be missing my point entirely.

[Asker]

I heavily disagree but understanding you does not mean i agree with you. We have different views and that's not gonna change

[Ms_Facesitter]

If I call someone a whiner it's because they whine a lot, not because they express emotions. Bug difference.

[Asker]

Even if it's something you don't agree with or dislike that's being said

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's not whining, that's just a person having a different opinion.

[Asker]

"Why do a lot of women date bad boys?" Would this count as whining/complaining to you?

[Ms_Facesitter]

That's just a question.

[Asker]

Good

[Nikki1989]

You can express without the whining.

[Asker]

You wouldn't know the difference online

[normalice]

It is usually two different groups saying each thing.

[Anonymous]

Well men whine about dumbest things like paying child support as if that’s not their kid. I don’t think men should express themselves they should just stay quiet😂

[Asker]

You make a strong case for why they should

[LiamJHayden]

Maybe those who are called that are excessively complaining while expressing.

[Asker]

You really wouldn't know especially if its the first time a guy brings up something but you assume he's probably a whiner

[DrPepper12]

Because were a selfish, shallow hypocritical society for $800 Alex

[dustybiker2]

It's in the delivery.

[sirderpsalot123]

Nah a lot of women don't want to hear it at all lol delivery doesn't matter

[dustybiker2]

Well yeah, but they themselves don't matter. Who wants to talk to a brick wall?

[Asker]

Its not what you say, its how you say it. Women care more about how somethings said then what's actually being said

[dustybiker2]

So would a judge. How something is said shows the intent behind the words. Say one line a ten different ways and get just as many meanings. It matters.

[Asker]

2+2=4, 2+2= fucking 4. One sounds morr harsh and brutal but you still get the same result.

[dustybiker2]

You prove my point too.

[Asker]

How did i prove your point exactly

[dustybiker2]

I was just teasing. All good.

[paledreams]

I just love to express myself 🥳🎉