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For the last 3 months, I've been getting to know & like my co-worker. We are both in the same position, but work in different locations. We have met in person before, briefly. As we work together quite closely, we have video calls every day (1-2 hours). During those calls, it often ended up being about work for a short while, then talking about anything and everything under the sun for the rest of the time.
We didn't necessarily flirt directly with each other (I think), but we did both make comments about each other that could be interpreted as flirting, I think. Such as saying "I love sarcasm, it makes me go weak in the knees" "You make my day better" etc. I think we are both single, as in my experience, as soon as you ask about weekend / vacation plans, colleagues will mention a partner if they have one, and he never did, also only spoke in "I" form, not "we" when mentioning any activity. He was also always really helpful and going out of his way to make time for me.
At some point, we exchanged instagram, where we both only post about our hobbies. Talked a bit about that, sent each other memes from time to time.
Last week, we had a particularly busy day at work, so I didn't look at my phone while at work at all. After we both finished work, he sent me a funny meme there, and I saw he had also updated his story. He had uploaded a few before that I liked / interacted with, but they were regular stuff like a cool tree / weekend activity. So I clicked on it expecting something along those lines, but instead, it was a very sexy shirtless gym selfie + before / after. I reacted on it by saying something like woow, good progress! with some flirty emojis. He thanked me, chatted a bit, and I felt emboldened enough to post my own (regular, no gym) selfie 2 days after... and... crickets. He did look at it, but no reaction.
So now, I wonder if he actually liked me at all, or just sees me a nice ego boost? :/ Any opinions would be very welcome.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Wow girl, guys can be so confusing sometimes! Here are my thoughts:
It sounds like this dude probably did enjoy the attention and flirting with you - you said yourself he'd go out of his way to chat. But the gym selfie is typical dude behavior too - he was likely just showing off for likes and compliments.
I wouldn't say he was just using you as an ego stroke, but it's possible he wasn't looking for anything serious. The lack of reaction to your selfie suggests he mostly likes dishing it out, not reciprocating.
If it were me, I'd take a step back for now. Keep things friendly at work, but don't keep giving him more attention unless he puts in effort too. See how he acts - does he start initiating again? Or is he less engaged now?
His move could also just be shyness. Sometimes guys get nervous if a girl shows interest back!
Long story short, don't overthink girl! You're awesome - his loss if he's not man enough to pursue you. Just protect your energy for now. Maybe things will heat up, maybe not. But you've got this either way!
Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I appreciated the pep talk at the end as well! I will ask directly if the date with his girlfriend was nice, best to rip off the bandaid quickly.
I actually went really quiet after he revealed the date, and only responded to work related questions. As the day went on, he kept drawing me into conversations, and since it was his birthday today, I didn't think I should be too cold. So we had some nice casual chat, but it annoyed me a bit. I read it mostly as him feeling bad for leading me on or something?
Shyness - I wish!
Ugh, ouch sis - finding out he's got a girlfriend after all that definitely stings. I'm sorry, what a jerk for leading you on like that! Don't let him see you sweat though.
I totally get withdrawing at first, you had every right to shut things down. But good for you holding your own and keeping it casual even on his birthday - that shows confidence on your part.
And him drawing you into more convos after? Psssh, he's just trying to soothe his guilty conscience for sure. Probably regretted misleading you once he realized you actually liked him. So lame.
I'd keep it polite and professional from here on out for work's sake. But don't give him any more personal attention - he doesn't deserve it! You were just some side piece to boost his ego.
On to bigger and better things, babe. You'll find a man who's actually available and treats you like a queen. This guy? Just a learning experience. Keep shining sis, you're way too good for games!
It's too hard to tell. I would just try asking him or flirt with him directly. Men are usually very bad at picking up hints. You've got to hit the nail on the head and be very clear about your feelings. Me and my husband are madly in love and sometimes he forgets to like things I post, it doesn't mean anything. I dare you to just ask him out 😅
Haha, thanks! True, I've observed men aren't the best at picking up hints. I guess I just feel I've been pretty clear already, and I don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or weird. I am going to work at his location in a few weeks, I guess I will see how it goes in person... and maybe be really brave and shoot my shot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
He probably has a girlfriend.
Thank you! Well, at the very least seeing someone. He just mentioned he's going on a date later. Why do so many guys do this, flirt when they are already taken and hide the taken fact. I'm not at all opposed to flirting a bit, but it should be clear what the status is :(
Then you wouldn't give him the time of day.
Not really, I don't necessarily think flirting or banter is more than harmless fun. Just want to know where I stand, is it too much to ask for? That way, everyone can know it is just a fun harmless flirt and nothing else. No hurt feelings. But I guess getting his ego boosted was more important.
You don't know that.
Oh bullshit! If he told you he had a girlfriend you would not keep flirting with him. Get used to it. Guys are never going to share their status willingly.
If it's just harmless fun/banter then it wouldn't matter what his status is, right?
Actually I flirt a lot in general. The difference is that I make it very clear I'm single, extra clear if I'm interested or just flirting for fun. So no, I would still have given him the time of time actually. I just would have known to have no expectations, same as why I think most guys are quite upfront about having a partner. That way, everyone knows where they stand with each other.
And that's why I think it matters. It can absolutely be harmless, but sorry, do you find it cool of him to make sure I see him shirtless even though he had a girlfriend? Is that "harmless", too?
You are the one who used the term "harmless", I just repeated it. I don't think what he did was right at all.
If you think most guys are upfront about having a partner you are extremely naive. No guy is going to flirt with you knowing nothing will happen. That may be your thought process, but don't assume that's how guys think too. They definitely don't.
Why don't you find out if he has a girlfriend instead of getting yourself all wound up about him? Makes sense to know that BEFORE you 'shoot your shot' doesn't it?
True, sorry for putting words in your mouth. I'm not at my best today. Naive - yes, I probably am more than is good for me. Or maybe I've just been mostly surrounded by very honest men. but I appreciate the input, and will definitely keep that in mind going forward. So thank you for that!
Also yes, I will ask directly how the date with his girlfriend went tomorrow. Although at this point, I'm pretty sure he just enjoyed the attention, but you never know. Nothing to lose from asking anyway.
He told you he had a date with his girlfriend?
Nevermind, you said that. Duh!
He didn't say girlfriend, just a date. But I reckon a date on your birthday is with a somewhat serious partner.
Not necessarily. Do you tend to assume things a lot?
Not more than anyone else I'd say. Plus, if it isn't, then why mention it at all? In my experience, the guys that are interested wouldn't dream of revealing their other dates (or even partners, as you said yourself) to you - unless the intention is either to finally say "oops, I'm taken" or they are incredibly insecure people that say it to see your reaction. If it's the second though, I can't really see how it could be a positive outcome, think most women would feel it was a sign to back off.