Do guys expect girls to make first move? How does a girl know what he wants?

[Anonymous]

So i have a guy best friend. Over the last year, after his divorce, we have gotten really close. A year ago, i told him i didn't want a relationship with anyone, he said anything between him and i would never happen. But now i am wishing that it would. he's always been popular with ladies, and while he admits he was a player before his last marriage, he swears he has changed and grown since then. But now he spends 3 or 4 nights a week at my place on the couch. We talk and text throughout the day every day. Often wrestle around and spend a lot of time together, but never had sex. He shocked me when he kissed me once, and i wanted more but he literally ran away. He was very drunk, and since he never mentioned it i assume he doesn't remember. Sometimes he makes comments about wanting a girlfriend, but never makes any move. He also jokingly has started calling me slut or dirty girl... which we both laugh at cuz he knows i haven't slept with anyone for 7 years... and he gets extremely defensive/protective of me if anyone shows sligjtest sign of any disrespect. So its weird but i know it isn't ill intentioned so doesn't bother me but makes me wonder if he isn't wishing i would be like that to him. I offered he sleep in the bed with me when he stays over but he insists on the couch. I dont want to scare him off or make him feel pressured by asking but i am so confused on if he is happy being friends or wants more cuz it seems to me like the latter but he doesn't make a move. he's a very confident and outgoing guy so i doubt he's scared or nervous. But why all the flirting and spending time with me if not interested? I do want things to move forward but if its not like that i dont want to ruin our friendship. Any advice?

[kylee2437]

You are the common denominator here. Key clue here you told him “I don’t want a boyfriend” and he is simply respecting that exact boundary of yours that you implemented. So yes, the only way this will potentially grow into anything, is by making the first move on what it is you are looking for. And you have nothing to lose, I don’t think a guy is going to spend all this time with you, text you all the time, just to say no to progressing things here. And if he does? Then he is one weird guy to spend this much time with you and not want to explore more than where you are currently at.

[Asker]

I have never made a move on a guy... how and what do i do without coming on too strong?

[kylee2437]

@asker I think it’s very hard for you to mess this up here especially when you two have a sincere connection. Just flat out tell him how you feel. There is really no such thing as coming off too strong when there’s already a solid connection in play.

[Asker]

Lol ok well that makes me feel better! I figured me offering him to come to the bed or all the times I've given massages were strong hints but i guess thats not good enough lol

[kylee2437]

@asker it seems like he’s very good at respecting boundaries and needs someone to directly tell him what they are looking for. There may even be chances that he is very confused about the actions you have been doing because there’s no directness in what you are hinting at.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you very much!

[Asker]

Only other question is... what about when he said something between us would never happen? And while he has said he kinda wants a girldfriend now, he has also told others he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now? Would me making a move disrespect his boundaries?

[kylee2437]

@asker I had a guy friend tell me that he openly doesn’t want to be with me directly after he got mad because I had to revoice I’d never date him. He may have made that up because he’s mirroring exactly what you said, and maybe feels like he doesn’t have a chance with you because what you have told him before. Like I said, I don’t think you have anything to lose here. You can’t keep up with what’s currently happening and not communicating what you actually feel.

[Asker]

Thank you, i appreciate the help!

[Nikki1989]

The catch is, most guys that won't make a move are the kind most won't want to be with. It is usually a sign there are much deeper problems you will have to deal with eventually.

[Asker]

Do you mind explaining that a bit more? What kind of problems?

[Summeroflove]

I just expect someone to show effort if they genuinely like me if I make the first move. But it depends if you like someone and don’t make a move you’re taking a risk of them moving on.

[spartan55]

God could you possibly overthink this any more? Just go for it ugh.

[Asker]

😂 ok guilty, i admit that, he just means a lit to me and i dont want to do anything to run him off

[spartan55]

If you run him off then he wasn't the right guy for you.

[scott04sa22]

Women never makes the first move

[Anonymous]

Please this will never change unfortunately

[Asker]

Please what? What will never change?

[Opinion Owner]

Usually it's always the guy that makes the first move or asks the girl out it normally is never the other way around