Why do some guys want the girl to make the first move?

[jrez98]

Im returning back into online dating and I noticed some men will be the first to text while others wait for the girl to text first

Is there a reason why?

[SteveSmith1985]

I think it just comes down to the fact that making the first move is hard... for anybody.

I don't think I've ever met a guy who EXPECTS a girl to make the first move. However I know plenty of girls who DO expect the guy to make the first move.

Most guys (myself included) think that this previously "male unpleasant task" ought to become a gender-neutral "unpleasant tasks".

It's not that we expect a woman to make the first move... but... a man has just as much right to sit and wait for you to make the first move, as YOU do. THAT, I think is likely the view of most guys who seem to 'expect' it. They really don't. But then again neither should you.

So, basically the idea is that you should make the first move if you like someone. If you don't make the first move, you should have no expectation/hope that he'll approach you first. That's not a good plan.

In other words, if a woman feels this is the man's job. She should have no problem being told to get back in the kitchen and make me (the man) some motherfuckin pie. Apple or blueberry. Please.

If that idea seems horribly sexist and outdated... that's because it IS horribly sexist and outdated.
That the first move be "the man's job" is equally sexist and outdated.
Put another way, if you believe in equality, you have to take your share of the "unpleasantness" as well... Right?

Is that scary? Sure.

Is that something you'd rather not have to do? Of course!

But that's how many (if not most) guys have always felt about it.

So I think it's only right, and fair, that this "unpleasant tasks" be a genderless job.

So if both people are chicken, doesn't that mean potentially ideal couples might never get together? Yes. Yes it does mean exactly that.

Just make sure YOU don't miss-out on the guy you're hoping will make the first move. He might not. 🙂

[spartan55]

Best answer... 👍

[ManOnFire]

So I can understand both your side and theirs. Personally I believe men in general should be making the first moves, yes. How does a man become a man and learn the art of assertiveness if he never does? And how does he learn how to handle being turned down if he never tries to get his feet wet? 98% of the time throughout my life I've made the first move. I can literally only think of 2 times where the girl was the one who asked me out or to meet up, which was fine, but otherwise I will do it.

But, it is kind of understandable for so many guys today to prefer a female to make the first move, and I think it's because these guys get sick of the way women act about it, so they resort to the attitude "Well, if she's ever interested then she has to be the one to show me that." And I can kind of get that, seeing as a lot of women today literally take a guy making the first move as an opportunity just to be cruel to him, because subconsciously these women love that a guy is at their mercy, which satisfies their egos. And guys get sick of the flakiness and women being interested one minute and then ghosting them the next.

I still think men should be making the first moves, but in some sense it is only right for a woman to have to put in a little work and convey that she's interested, wants to see him, get to know him, etc. Not all the responsibility should just fall on him pursuing her.

[ChiTown33]

I agree with @ManOnFire. And if he'll permit me I'd like to go a step further. I know there are a lot of slimeballs on dating apps just trying to get laid. And so women endure a lot of vile posts. But because it's the internet it's also very impersonal. So a guy in real life a guy gets rejected at best 9 of 10 times. On the internet it's probably closer to 99 of 100 times. This is why most guys don't message women. Most women DO NOT message back. I don't message any woman on a dating app first. And I would recommend most guys not to.

[ChiTown33]

If she's interested she'll message you.

[ManOnFire]

@ChiTown33 Definitely agree. I used to message women first on dating apps back in the day, and then I stopped. Not just because you will rarely get a response but because it felt desperate messaging first.

[ShellyB]

Maybe the ones who don't text first are talking w other girls at the same time and focusing on the one they either like the most or think they have the best chance with? Maybe it is lack of confidence. I would personally just move on there are a lot of signs that things are not meant to be and maybe this is one of them. But then again I might be wrong so, I would just advise doing what you think is best!

[CubsterShura]

They could be shy, they could be worried that if they text first they won't be certain if the girls are interested in them but when they get a text first they can be sure of it. They could prefer dominant women who take the lead. They could have bad experience with texting first. You never know.

[FilmGuy93]

On some apps, like Bumble, the woman needs to text first; that's how the apps work. In other cases, the guys are just absolutely freakin sick of having their time wasted by women. Letting the woman make the first move forces her to put a little skin in the game.

[coachTanthony]

If men aren't making the first move they have no spine. Don't worry about them, they are hung up on stupid shit so they can use that as excuse.

[ronaldo75]

Hey Boomer, This isn't the 1980s anymore. Men go to jail and lose jobs for flirting with women who aren't attracted to them. I've seen men thrown out of bars in 2022 for offering women drinks. Not harassing, not assaulting, not stalking - nah... for offering a drink.. ONE TIME and that's enough to get them removed from the bar.

I really wish you boomers would lay off this "Men who dont approach women are cowards' bullshit, this isn't a Motley Crue concert in 1984 where you can grab women's asses and security laughs it off.

[coachTanthony]

@ronaldo75 I stand by my opinion. There will always be sexual harassment claims but you kids act like it's a pandemic of men going to jail. LOL It's an excuse plain and simple... but hey you keep being afraid lol

[grega239]

My "excuse" is that the answer is always no.

I just dont think its healthy to bash my head againts a wall, if i can't get through

[coachTanthony]

@grega239 Well at least you're not afraid.

[DermalPunch]

I'm with you Coach.

[coachTanthony]

@DermalPunch Thanks

[grega239]

Im mostly indifferent. Which is potentially worse than being afraid.

[coachTanthony]

It's only worse if you really want a woman in your life then being indifferent could end up being an excuse.

[ronaldo75]

What excuses if I currently have a fuck buddy and haven't been without *any* sex/dating in my life for over 6 years now. Yes, it is a pandemic of men getting in trouble for approaching women. You're dusty as hell but I'll educate you a bit, just a little. There are literal social media groups dedicated to women posting screenshots of DM, where NO crime has been committed, but that's enough to have men fired. I'm a high-salary tech work and not long ago I saw a 32 year old database expert making $175k a year FIRED on the stop on a mere accusation of harassments after tried to innocently start up a conversation with a female co-worker in the lounge. It was all caught on video, there was no crime. Man still got fired.

So yeah, even though I currently have a fuck buddy I dont make pussy the center of my existence. I know you're generation basically put "getting lucky", "getting laid", and what are some of the others...3rd base and homeruns? Yeah you guys made that all the all encompassing aura of what it meant to be a man. Um... we've evolved.

[coachTanthony]

@ronaldo75 Men get in trouble for approaching women the wrong way. You guys on GAG act as if every time a man approaches a woman they go to jail. It's getting fucking silly to read.

[Guy13]

Dating is warfare and strategic analysis is required, Contrast of experience and why girls SHOUKD text first between a good-looking and average looking guys we have in our friend group.

More attractive man will reach out first and get responses and the average do not.-Women are visually inclined.
The less attractive women or cute we pass off to friends. All their details, opinions, and feelings are ascertained so that he’s a “mind reader and knows her so well”.

Disappear:”Ghost” for 3 days then average guy shows up on the scene with the opener that is “how does he know…sense this…do I know him,”

LOTS of guys that I know will put 5-15 messages into System Sunday through Wednesday to have nothing on Thursday-Saturday. Screw this….”they can text me if they want too…. there’s plenty of Ho…Ho…Ho (s) and liquor”

[TheorionMage]

We guy's Egos are perhaps tired of being perpetually 'judged' as to if we're only 'friend zone' material. We'd appreciate some LACK of ambiguity.

[MCheetah]

I'm stealing that meme.

[Red-Blaze]

Its scary, and its hard to turn to someone
To some turning to someone else on a dating platform, where there is less "feeling the zone" possible as if your on a dating site its clear more what is the want here
Also I think with some of the social winds today it can even be wrost for man to turn to someone, as some out there are crazy, or at least that is the social steroyotype

TL:DR
Many reasons , fear, shy, current social winds

[ObscuredBeyond]

A gal working on a project with me made herself scarce suddenly. That was 15 years ago. I merely asked someone who knew her if they knew anything, as I really wanted to finish the project, and preferably know if she was still onboard, or if I would have to make other arrangements.

No expectation of a date. Would've been nice, but the project was my real concern.

They tried to turn the whole city against me, convincing random strangers that I was Max Cady or something. Over a Sims comic!

How much dating confidence is someone supposed to have after that?

I had to explain to the school judiciary that my goal was to write a comic book, and she'd initially agreed to help, and I wanted to know if she was still up for it, or if I should carry on without.

All she would've had to do was call my dorm number and say it was off, and that would've been the end of it. I even stated that if I didn't hear back in a week, I'd assume she'd backed out for good, and would've carried on anyway. I gave her a chance to clarify her intentions as a courtesy!

But noooo... she had the whole school on the hunt for some nonexistent boogeyman!

[Red-Blaze]

So you got to meet a crazy one
Sorry to hear that happen sounds horrible :(

[ObscuredBeyond]

The hot-crazy matrix exists for a reason. Wish I'd heard of it years earlier. I'd say one of the better things to come out of social media has been personality previews. Helps me weed out the crazies sooner via online study, so I don't waste time expecting anything from them in real life apart from crazy, so I know what to avoid before it becomes a problem.

Crazy and / dysfunctional seems to be all I ever attract. Which is why being single doesn't bother me as much as it used to.

Last thing I want, is to have a Baker Act a date for my own safety.

I hoped I'd meet less crazy by leaving Michigan. But in Florida, they're just a different kind of mad.

[BlueScorpio]

Oo cute, they must be shy or nervous. They're not sure what to say or they be scared youight not want to speak to them. But anyway, please becareful with online dating, make sure the guy is really interested in finding a relationship and not just temporary flings. I tell everyone this.

[MCheetah]

Cause #MeToo and fourth wave feminism is a thing. That's why.

I myself aren't afraid to make the first move or get called "a rapist" for saying Hi to a girl, but I get why so many men are.

[Lionman95]

Because they are in experienced with dating and don´t want to mess up. See it that way the first moments of dating are the hardest because those are the moments where many people decide if they want to continue the conversation and the dating process or move on.

So guys that are generally not very confident for what ever reason could be the ones that won´t make the first move. Getting in contact with new people is hard for both.

[mstbooblover]

To be honest I'm one of those guys loving it when a girl makes the first move. Alas that never happens... Because most ladies seem not all interested, and not wanting to harass them, neither wanting to be accused of that, things become more easy if a woman just indicates clearly she's interested.

[Pohjolan]

Look if men would make moves on all attractive women then we wouldn't have time for anything else.

Also in online dating women often go for the same guys meaning that he likely has several other matches as well.

Doesn't mean that you should make a move but maybe consider it if you have a crush on someone who is single and also meets your list of requirements.

[Anonymous]

Why do almost all women want men to make the first move?

Look, making a first move is risky in multiple ways, and we men are getting tired of always having to be the one to do it. Why wouldn't we want women to finally step up and start taking some of the responsibility?

[dragoblack]

Because many of us dont understand hints, and with the changing of dating etiquette from the old sexual harassment and being creepy version, to modern. Many of us dont know what to say without using pickup lines. Also when women make the first move, we know she is interested... plus men are easier to talk to about anything and we are easier to please on account of men rarely get compliments if any at all.

[DermalPunch]

Why do people do online dating? People are filtering themselves so heavily. IRL for life. I want to see someone "in the wild" under pressure. What makes thme tick? When will they crack?

[SriPanty]

May be because our country girls have so much attitude they start to think in a wrong way.

May be because they start to think that they are the most beautiful in the world.

May be because for our safety.

And lot more to tell. 😒

[lalaloveee]

Because men inclined to online relationships are often losers, so they don't even have the courage to text. Stay away from e-men, real men are in real life.

[Kevinb18222]

Internet dating does suck. Only serious relationships I’ve had have been through work. Leaving my number on their desk with a small message always seems to work. But as a guy I always feel inclined to make the first moves. I don’t wanna seem like a coward. On the other hand I do like when she sends me good morning messages without me having to text first. It lets me know she also cares

[lalaloveee]

It doesn't matter if it's a man or a woman, anyone who hides their love in their diary instead of making them feel is a loser. And since the habitat of losers is usually social media, they are more likely to come across this species in online relationships.

[Berethor]

Feminism? and girls are far less likely to get rejected than guys, so it less risk for them.

[Aggon1998]

Sometimes the guy texts first, sometimes the girl. I don't do dating apps
But in my opinion it should be 50/50

[PatriceONeal]

Because men can be labeled creepy simply for not being her "type" and there's no way to know if the girl is interested since women very rarely put themselves out there, smiling is becoming more rare and men haven't grown to enjoy rejection yet.

[FunkyMonkee]

Well, is there anything you're afraid of by going first? Why do the guys ALWAYS have to risk rejection?

[Anonymous]

They're pussies and lack the necessary guts to over come their fear.

Their fear of being rejected is more than their fear of staying alone.