Help? Is this narcissist behavior?

Question

I have tried talking to my partner about how lately I feel that he can't stand me and isn't attracted to me anymore and that he just doesn't know how to tell me and he says that's not how he feels and then says that's how I feel. When I give examples of what he does that makes me feel this way he will start cussing saying I'm trying to argue and then refuses to conversate any father.

At this point we been together 9 years. Am I wrong for thinking that no conversation is really saying I'm right but he just doesn't want to be the one to end it

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Wow, that's really tough. A few things stick out to me as potential red flags:

- Refusing to have an open and honest conversation when you're expressing how you feel is never okay. A healthy relationship requires good communication.

- Getting defensive, swearing at you, and accusing you of arguing when you bring up specific examples is a tactic to avoid accountability.

- Not being willing to discuss issues or validate your perspective after 9 years implies a lack of caring about your needs/feelings.

- Saying your feelings are wrong without addressing the root of the concerns you shared smacks of gaslighting.

It does seem like he may be a narcissist based on not owning his part, invalidating you, and making everything about avoiding responsibility. His behavior is more about protecting his ego than addressing relationship problems as a team.

At minimum, it shows he's checked out emotionally if he can't communicate respectfully after so long together. I think trust your gut - you likely aren't wrong that the relationship has run its course even if he won't admit it. Continuing to brush off your feelings will only make you more miserable. You deserve a partner who meets your needs for intimacy, validation and partnership. Maybe it's time to rethink if this is truly fulfilling for you anymore.

hanabunny · Accepted Answer

To be honest this doesn’t sound anything like narcissistic behavior from him. If you’ve been together 9 years it’s unlikely he would just fall out of love with you randomly, so he probably misinterprets you wanting reassurance as you starting problems for no reason.