Guy kept telling me I fancy him because my pupils are dilated. Is it a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Went on a 2nd date with a guy.

I'm in early 30s. He's in early 40s.

We were in a dark bar room and at some point he turned around and said that my pupils are very wide.

I knew why he said that but I ignored it the first time.

Then he mentioned it again and said :" usually your pupils dilate when you like someone."

And then added " or if someone's done some drugs like cocaine before"

I laughed it off and said that it's a dark room but he kept mentioning it again and again... Is it a red flag?

[BonzoInBitburg]

He's an idiot because pupils always get larger in a dark room to allow more light in.

He probably watched a YouTube video trying to figure out how to tell if a girl is interested so now he thinks he's an expert in body language.

[Asker]

He's actually quite smart /educated.
It was just a bit weird because he kept saying that. I tried to joke and say - hey, it's because it's dark- but he kept on insisting.

He is not stupid, I'm quite sure of that. Just not sure why he kept saying that.

[BonzoInBitburg]

Some people are smart in school but dumb on the bus. This was a dumb thing to say because everyone in that dark room would have dilated pupils.

[CuriousHubby]

Very red flag basically he is trying to force you to like him by saying it. Sounds like you don't fancy him to much.

[Asker]

I do fancy him a lot though.
After 3rd time he said thta I replied :" haha I do find you attractive but my pupils are not dilated because of that.
By the way yours are dilated too"

His response :" mine are dilated the normal amount"
We kissed later that night which felt good... But it just doesn't sit well with me.

[CuriousHubby]

Still think it should not if he did not say yeah cause I like you back!
Watch this guy for any more red flags of trying to force things or lines... From the internet

[Asker]

You think so?
I feel embarrassed now because it's almost like he was implying that I like him more than he likes me.

Not sure if I should mention this to him?

[CuriousHubby]

He was saying that. Sounds like a manipulative line

You can try but sounds more like he is not really talking or listening

[Anonymous]

I don't think anyone would want to date you because you make everything into "a red flag" and then you post it on here.

[spartan55]

Red flag because of what? Because he is awkward?

[Asker]

It was a dark room and my pupils were dilated.
He kept saying that this is because I fancy him... I laughed it off first but kept mentioning it.

And the other I said- yours are diluted too-
He replied - not as much-

So basically he's implying that I like him more..

[spartan55]

Okay... and?

[Asker]

And what?

Would you tell your date that you don't like them as much as you do?

[spartan55]

You are WAY overthinking it. He is just trying to sweet talk you, in a quiet cringey way. The pupil dilation thing is mostly bullshit. Just keep the conversation moving and don't short circuit yourself.

[Asker]

Why would ge say his aren't as dilated though?
He was literally saying that he doesn't find me as attractive.

Why use manipulative tactics like that?

I wanted to ask him if he does find me attractive but not sure now as ge doesn't own me anything after 2 dates

[spartan55]

That's not what he was saying... you are way too in your own head about this. Manipulation, is a giant leap from being cringey. Don't take it so serious.

[Asker]

I have never said a word manipulation.

He literally saif that my pupils are dilated more than his.

In ANY case. I laughed it off, whatever. We still had a great time.

But it won't progress anywhere because I sent him a short message (nothing to mention this. Just a link to a video) and he never read it/ responded to it.

For a whole day...

Normally I'd say it's fine but he behaved differently aftet the first date.

Important thing is we kissed a lot and it wad the first time.

Before that date he would text daily... So... Yeah.

No point on continuing this topic as it's over anyway.

Thanks for the help...

[spartan55]

You pulled the plug for that? Wow

[spartan55]

You mentioned manipulation in other comments so... yeah you did.

[slatyb]

It's just really awkward.

[shortster]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Red flags

[Asker]

You think so?