Am I gay or bi if I've been attracted to exactly ONE guy throughout my entire life?

[Anonymous]

The title says it. Every since I first hit puberty I've been attracted to exclusively women. Their boobs, their butts, their curves, their thighs... I was completely intrigued immediately as soon as I hit puberty!

In contrast I had exactly zero attraction to guys. They were pretty much the antithesis of everything I found attractive. The lack of curves, lack of breasts, the big hairy beards, a hairy body with lots of hair all over chest/back/legs/arms, etc.

Even in terms of personality. Women were usually cleaner and more gentle while men were kind of gross and always trying to be tough.

I could be friends with guys, yeah, but I could never be attracted to them.

However... this one guy I met relatively recently at my college completely challenges all that.

To start, he's somewhat of a "softer" guy. And I mean both physically and in terms of personality. As in his skin is really soft and he's also really nice.

He's not necessarily super feminine. Like not one of those drag queen or makeup wearing or cross dressing guys. But by most standards he is more feminine than the average guy.

When you look at him he looks about average. He has zero facial hair.

If you look closer you can see his arms and legs are completely shaved/waxed. He often wears mid-thigh length shorts and tight t-shirts. His skin looks really smooth, soft, and flawless as he has a really good skin care routine and uses a lot of moisturizer.

So at a first glance he doesn't seem super feminine, but if you look closer you can see some softer elements.

As for personality, he's just really nice and gentle and doesn't really try to act tough or anything. He loves hugs and helping people.

Me and him are decent friends, and we've hung out quite a few times.

And overall... there's just something about him I really like. Both physically and in terms of personality. He's extremely sweet and is very cute.

TL;DR The title question really. The one and only guy I've ever been attracted to.

[nolabels]

Your description of your friend sounds quite a bit as I've been described by others.
I don't have the butter-soft hands of your friend, as I enjoy working with my hands, but I shave my entire body, and I have a quite strong sense of the femininity within me, although no one who doesn't actually know me would ever suspect it.
I'm visually probably somewhat on the male side of androgyny.
That's me.
That's the way it is.

I also, as you say of yourself, have been attracted strictly to women for most of my life, but in recent years I've met a guy or two that I'd consider frolicking with.
I'm 66 years old.
Who's to say how aging can affect one's tastes?
Someone may see this response and say that I've been "something" since day one.
That would be their right to say so, but they'd be wrong.
I've found on more than one occasion here on G@G that when I've been attacked by at least a few different people, that when I further communicated with them, I found them to be people who have been hurt in their own lives and who have then gone on to open themselves up to me about their own life troubles.

I have many personal proclivities that have caused me to question who and what I am, to the point of my being obsessed with the subject for many years.
I finally came to the conclusion that I defy categorization, so there was no further need to concern myself with trying to do so.

That epiphany occurred on the day that I joined G@G, resulting in my choosing the username, "nolabels".

My friends here know that I am who I am, and I am accepted by them, as I in turn accept them as they are.
As I accept you for your truth.

I'd recommend that you not concern yourself as to whether you're straight, bi, gay, or otherwise.
It really doesn't matter.
You are, that's enough.

I know you here now as "Anonymous".
That's fine, too.

It's nice to meet you, Anonymous.
I'm nolabels.

[Asker]

Hmmm what a coincidence that you and my friend would have so much in common, haha. What are the odds, really? Even if he's in his 20s and you're in your 60s, I guess it shows similarities knows no age.

I don't know if I have that much else to add as I pretty much just agree with you 100% and enjoyed reading your response, but what I will say is yeah, labels are pretty much bullshit 100%. And I like your username "nolabels" as it gets across a positive and important message!

[nolabels]

I have no idea if you would see me in the same way that you see your friend.
Most likely not, I would guess, but that's okay.
I'm an older guy, after all, of course, but I do still like to think that I'm desirable physically, by women especially, but if the right guy came along, him, too.

From your description of your friend, I feel a connection with him in a way.
Maybe there is a category that I might fit into since now knowing that there are two of us who may be of a similar nature.
I'm not going to go there, though.
I've already spent way too much time obsessing over my nature.
There's no need for me to return to that mental maelstrom.

I've enjoyed our somewhat brief correspondence, as well, and I thank you for your kind words.

Thank you also for acknowledging my username.
As it seems to me that you can tell, I strive to use it to not only describe myself, but I also try my best to not apply labels to others.
In that regard, I cannot claim perfection, but it is an ideal to work towards.

Cheers to you.
I wish you the best.

[RebelinSteel]

You like girls and are attracted to them, this rules out being gay… you have one guy you are attracted to, this ticks the bisexual side, however as you have not moved things forward sexual and may never do so, it also ticks the bisexual curious box.

[Asker]

Ah, gotcha. Thanks for sharing your opinion with me. That does make sense, yeah.

So basically I am ticked more towards bisexual curious in the end.

Not sure if he already has a girlfriend/boyfriend or not but either way I can't really see myself spending the rest of my life with him anyway, however nice and adorable he may be.

The most I could ever do is a one-night stand or friends with benefits, but nothing long-term.

In the end that there are things a woman offers that no man ever could, really, however nice or attractive he may be.

[thatshydork]

I don’t know everything about the LGBTQIA community and I’m a straight cisgender person but I do have friends in the LGBTQIA community and I’ve learned a bit from them. It sounds like you might be more under the ‘questioning’ part of the LGBTQIA community than anything else, but I could be wrong.

[Account]

Human sexuality is more complex than what we make it out to be by self-inserting ourselves into labels. However, not many people are ready for that kind of discussion, therefore, I will avoid expanding into this topic for multiple reasons.

[Asker]

So true, 100%!

Labels in general just aren't good for humans, as humans are way more complex than that.

Labels can kind of be an easy and fast way to summarize parts of yourself, but that's not all you are.

I on a personal level wouldn't mind this kind of discussion or expanding into this topic, and I'm not one to easily get offended or get aggressive if I happen to disagree with something.

BUT people in general can be and are easily offended and get aggressive if they disagree.

So even if I personally don't, other people who come across this question could. So I understand you on that front.

[Shadow____]

@Account So you don't label your sexuality?

[Account]

That is my own business and I don't see how that is any of yours.

[Account]

Didn't read it/blocked.

[Account]

Also removed.

[Asker]

Kind of ironic how Shadow___ came to say exactly the tpye of thing we were trying to avoid...

Leaving a comment for no other reason just to be snarky.

[MisterWack]

IF you are attracted to both men & women sexually and want a relationship then I’d say you are Bisexual.

IF you are attracted to both men & women sexually though want a relationship only with women I’d say you’re Bisexual and prefer women for long term relationships not men.

However labels don’t mean anything, you identify yourself and be proud of the person you are on the inside & outside.

[BadApple69]

I guess I have to start off with a question for you… you say you are attracted to him…. In a sexual way? Do you desire kissing him or touching him?
Or do you just really enjoy spending time with him?
There is a big difference in enjoying hanging out with someone or wanting to get naked and having wild sex with them…..
in school I had a friend like that…. He was gay and I straight…. But he was very enjoyable to hang with. But I would never use the words “attracted to” I just really enjoyed his company.

[BobbieBoy666]

Sexuality can be complex and unique to each individual. Being attracted to one guy doesn’t necessarily define your entire sexual orientation. It’s possible to have feelings for someone of the same gender without it fitting neatly into a specific label like gay or bisexual.

What’s most important is how you feel and what makes sense to you. If you’re comfortable, you might want to explore these feelings further and see where they lead. Remember, it’s okay to take your time and not rush into labeling yourself. Your feelings are valid, no matter what they are.

[SuchSightsToShowYou]

You kinda seem like you desperately want to be told, "No,"

Don't get hung up on labels. Just feel what you feel.

Is it possible that you find this guy attractive because he's so feminine? because he reminds you of a woman?

[seth900]

As you say you been attracted to girls , plus you are attractwd to this guy who has more femine side. So its already clear you are attracted to females. Stop this silly things gind your self a girlfriend and finish this nonsenses with Bi things. If you over thing to much and focus on things you get confused so better stop until its to late. Unless you wanna be in that side of drag queens 😄

[Arkire]

I've been where you are. 99% of crushes I've had are women, with a few more feminine men finding their way in.

Personally, I'd say I'm bi-sexual with an attraction toward feminine characteristics. You can decide for yourself. You can also be hetero who just had a crush once.

[Crazzyyworld]

It happens to a lot of girls. I don’t like women nor attracted by girls and sometimes I find that a pretty girl look so lovely. I mean I still feel gloss about vagina with hair sticking out but I feel very romantic about her or something?

[Asker]

Haha, so you understand what I'm going through.

I sometimes find a rare guy looks so adorable, but yet I still feel gross about his penis with hair sticking out. But again, very romantic, like you said.

The human mind can truly be complex, lol.

[red-lipstick-girl]

I don't think you're gay, don't code yourself like that, just because you're in love with a man doesn't make you gay.

[Asker]

Thanks for you response! And yeah, true. If I've been exclusively attracted to women my whole life except for one very specific guy, then I'm not gay.

It's not even men in general that I like. Just exactly one specific guy my entire life. And I wouldn't wanna spend the rest of my life with him anyway. I'd still prefer a woman for that.

[red-lipstick-girl]

I think you shouldn't be gay, you can't have a family or children, you should think about that too, women are better.

[Asker]

I agree with you!

Though for family and children, I'm extremely mentally ill and my doctors and therapists don't recommend I ever have children anyway. Especially in the chance I pass my mental illnesses genetically to my children.

But I'm with you 100% that women are better!

The contrast between me and a woman is something beautiful that just doesn't exist between me and another guy.

For example, I have extremely soft skin for a guy. But a woman will always have way softer skin than me no matter how soft I am. While if I was with another guy it would be boring since his skin would feel like my own.

So yeah... women 100%!

[red-lipstick-girl]

I'm glad to hear that, I hope you're happy. 💋

[Asker]

Haha yeah, thanks! All things considered I'm doing relatively well compared to how low I used to be in the past! I hope you're happy too! 💋

[red-lipstick-girl]

I'm feeling fine right now, I'm just sorry I didn't get the grade I wanted in my exam, I hope I can get over this.

[Asker]

Glad to here you're fine, but ah shit, not getting the grade you wanted in your exam is a very painful feeling! It feels as if all your hard work and studying was all for nothing. It definitely ruined my day whenever it happened.

But yeah, I hope you can get over this too! I believe in you! 💪

[BlissfullyCurSed]

Ur gay... ure the gayest thing to exist on this planet.

[Asker]

Thanks for being honest! I like honest answers.

[BlissfullyCurSed]

Soon, you'll start wearing women's clothing and act like one. It is too late for you.

[Asker]

Hmmm... perhaps. I don't necessarily currently have any interest in wearing women's clothes or acting like a woman, but they're not things I'd be strongly opposed to either. I could maybe/probably see myself doing those things in the very far future if I had a change of heart or was just bored or something.

[BlissfullyCurSed]

Yeah... that is what you'll turn into. Go to the nearest church and repent!

[Asker]

The "before" and "after" huh...

To be fair, the before already looks feminine as hell.

He may not be crossdressing or wearing wigs or makeup but he has a pretty small frame, no facial hair, his legs look pretty hairless, and his shorts are short as fuck.

He's definitely not as ridiculous looking as the after, but he definitely doesn't look super masculine either.

The before looks more feminine in a subtle more tasteful way, while the after is just completely disgusting.

[BlissfullyCurSed]

You're already a lost soul. May God be merciful enough to let you in his heaven.

[Asker]

Yeah... unfortunately...

[Abear_1999]

I would say you're bisexual. Try not to focus too much on labels. Everyone is attracted to who or what they like. There is nothing wrong if you like women and 1 or a couple guys.

[Asker]

It sounds like you hit the nail on the head! Thanks so much for your response!

And yeah, labels can be a quick and convenient way to describe certain aspects of ourselves but they're not all we are, and we don't fit into neat little boxes like the labels might insinuate.

And yeah. As people we just are what we are and there's no need to be ashamed of that or try to fight against it.

So in short our sexuality doesn't have to be a rigid thing that fits in a neat little box.

[DrPepper12]

Shoot your shot if you know he plays for that team BUT be ready to risk the friendship if it goes south.

[Asker]

I'm not really gonna shoot my shot actually because as nice and sweet as he may be I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with him. There are some things a woman offers that a man just can't no matter how adorable he is.

I don't really know if he already has a girlfriend/boyfriend or not or if he's straight/gay/bi/whatever but either way it doesn't really matter.

The most I could do with him assuming he was into it would be friends with benefits or a one-night stand. Nothing more long term though.

[DrPepper12]

Then make those memories! Good luck!!

[Nik1hil]

If that man is RYAN REYNOLDS, Then you are safe my man

[Asker]

Haha, you're goddamn right about that!

[Anonymous]

Sexuality is really a spectrum. Maybe it’s just his aura that you’re attracted to and not really him as a person/penis. The human mind is super complex seriously, don’t think too much into it. Just enjoy your life

[Asker]

Thank you so much for your response! I think you are completely right!

I never thought of it that way before about "aura," but now that you mentioned it it's like mind blown to me! It's just THAT accurate!

Yeah, it's definitely not about him as a person/penis. Just his aura, like you said.

And yep! The human mind is indeed super complex, even scientists still don't know all that much about it! So no use trying to speculate.

Another point, doctors know way more about physical health than mental health. Up until fairly recently mental health wasn't taken into consideration at all, and the closest we had was religious people praying to God that things would get better, but not actually truly tackling the true complexity of depression, bipolar, autism, trauma, schizophrenia, etc.

People with depression and trauma would most likely be told to just man up and get over it with zero resources, and people with schizophrenia and bipolar would just be written off as crazy and useless also with zero resources to help them out.

So yeah... sorry for my rambling, but in short, YES, the human mind is really THAT complex, haha. I'm 100% with ya. We all just have to enjoy our own lives!

TL;DR I know I rambled a lot, but in short, if the rest is too long, I like your response, I agree with it 100%, and thanks for sharing! I especially like how you mentioned "aura."

[Opinion Owner]

Yup! And I forgot to mention aside from aura, “attraction” can actually you wanting to be the person, not you actually liking the person. A lot of teen girls, get confused. It’s like when they’re at a vulnerable stage at our life and we’re like “do we like her or do we want to be like her” and I noticed, when you start dressing like them or like really studying them, you’ll get the answer. Like let’s say he wears a lot of Jean jackets, and slicks his hair and you do it, then after that you’re like “okay well now I feel better, I don’t really need you anymore to look at for direction” and it’ll go away. You’re not the first person with these feelings and not the last. But I’m glad you’re getting clarity!!!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Dude they're are lying to you. You are definitely bi and there is nothing wrong with that you like what you like. Just know that straight heterosexual men are attracted to women nothing else I've never been attracted to a man

[AviatorTom]

You can call yourself whatever label you want... labels are mostly meaningless.

[Unit1]

If you wanted to have sex with that guy, then you are bisexual. Simple as that.

[Asker]

Ah yeah. Pretty much. Sometimes the best explanations are the most simple, eh? Haha.

He is pretty sexy but then again I wouldn't wanna spend the rest of my life with him like I would with a woman.

So definitely bisexual but BY FAR leaning straight. Lol.

[Unit1]

See? No mysteries. There ya go

[Anonymous]

You’re a guy and you want to stick it into another guy you’re 🏳️‍🌈

[Anonymous]

A little bit. But that's actually quite normal. Sexuality isn't a stark binary, it's more of a sliding scale. So, don't worry about it, there's nothing wrong with you.

Some people are just freaking hot

[Asker]

Thanks for your response! And so true, 100%! I especially like the "sliding scale" explanation.

And YES. Some people really ARE just that hot, haha!

[ABC1x1x]

Most people aren't gay or bi, but those same people would be lying if they said they weren't attracted to Chrise Hemsworth

[Asker]

Haha yes, you're definitely right about that, 100%!

[beefcakebradybatson]

No, if you don't bed him, and even if you do, you may not be bi or gay, just attracted to one man.

[robocop666]

Gay men say that there is no such thing as a one off. This is the early stages for whats yet to come. Look into it yourself. Hang out at a gay bar and ask them see what they say.

[Anonymous]

If you've ever been attracted to a guy, you are either gay or bi.

[thegreenyogi]

It seems to me you could be bisexual.

[Ladsin2]

Sounds like it.

[Asker]

Thanks for giving an honest answer!

[OfDeath]

Gay as a row of tents.

[Kingofkings1992]

You are not a dude

[Asker]

Huh? I literally don't understand what you mean.

Are you implying I'm trans or non-binary or something? But seriously and literally though what do you mean?

[Babygirl_S]

100% bi