Why would a guy want to spend 10 hours with me for a first date?

[Anonymous]

We both find each other attractive & get on well. Had a few long phone calls & texted. However it’s only been a week. When discussing first date he set it very early and said he has a few ideas.

we did a few things but then he asked if I wanted to come to his to watch a film I declined. Didn’t hear from him until 4 hours after I left and he said shame you didn’t stay.

im just wondering how does this guy even know we’re going to get along? Isn’t pre planning that many hours in advance a bit odd?

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, yeah sis that does seem a bit much for a first date, especially after just a week of chatting. A few thoughts:

- A guy suggesting 10 hours alone together so soon is kinda a red flag. Like he's moving way fast before building real comfort/trust. Proceed with caution.

- Him asking you back to his place already is sus - makes it feel like his goal was physical from the jump. Not a good sign if he can't respect your pace.

- Maybe he's just really eager and excited to connect in person since you get on well online. But that's still no reason to rush intimacy before truly knowing each other.

- Spendin' a whole day together on date one is a LOT of pressure! Better to take your time getting comfortable over more casual meetings.

I'd be wary of any guy who charges ahead so quick like that, sis. Keep your guard up and don't be afraid to assert your boundaries. Him trying to guilt you to stay over is lame. Take things slow and don't settle! You got this.

[LiamJHayden]

Ten hours? That's like a day at an amusement park. Too much for a first date.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree haha & imagine we didn’t like each other that would be so awkward to get out of

[_Maya_]

Okay so there is a bit of missing context here. What did he suggest that was going to take ten hours? Unless I keep missing it or not understanding something you wrote. I see that you declined a movie at his place. Was that the ten hour date that you are referring to? That sounds like he had other motives given that most films are a couple hours give or take. Did he mention what else you would be doing? So here is the thing. I completely agree that ten hours is too long no matter what you have planned for a first date. You can easily get burned out in that amount of time and run out of things to talk about. As far as pre planning that is typical... what is not is that sorta duration.

[Asker]

So we went to a restaurant, went for a long walk & a long drive that was all done within 3 hours. He also suggested to go cinemas which I declined as I felt it would get boring. He then wanted to use the rest of the time to come over to his place as he said he was running out of ideas. He didn’t specifically say 10 hours but with the timings he mentioned it would end up around that. I cut the date to 3 hours as I wasn’t sure to go back to his.

[_Maya_]

I don't blame you. A first date should be enough time to have some meaningful time together and then go your separate ways and be able to reflect on that time. Trying to disect 10 hours of time and whether things went well or not is insane. What if the first few hours you were thinking "oh god this guy is boring as hell" but then the few hours at the end of the date you did something fun and exciting. Are you going to forget about the slow start? So I think you were right to cut that short. I think he was being too ambitious is all.

[Asker]

That’s true, I just don’t understand why he would put himself or me in that position? I mean it could be where we both don’t really like each other? Or either one doesn’t. Also that could end up being so awkward for either one of us. I felt rude leaving but I was unsure 🤷🏽‍♀️. I just said to him I wasn’t sure if you were feeling it. He replied with “You know me I would say it how it is.” We now have another date planned and he wants to spend a lot of the day with me. I’m so confused 🤣

[_Maya_]

He is definitely trying to overdo it with these dates. My suggestion is to tell him you have X amount of time because you have other things going on that day.

[Asker]

Yeah do you know any reason why? Could he be lonely? I really don’t understand

[_Maya_]

I mean it could be that or he could just be really trying to impress you with a bunch of activities and doesn't realiize that he is going over the top. It just could be a case of lack of self awareness of what he is suggesting.

[Nikki1989]

Obviously, he has too much time on his hands?

[Asker]

Probably yeah haha

[red-lipstick-girl]

He wanted to have sex with you and when you refused he got upset, I think he talked to you for sex.

[Asker]

Ah okay but he knows I won’t have sex with him I made it clear since our first conversation