I'm so tired of guys who treat me like crap; why do I keep falling for the same guys?

[Anonymous]

[Finchie40]

Because you are allowing yourself to accept these kind of guys’ I go through the same shit with girls’ until I realized I need to change my preferences around , by finding a girl that actually has a bit of everything that I am attracted to , she is beautiful to my eyes, she has an amazing heart and personality, honesty mainly , and she has things in common with me , if she doesn’t have all 3 of those things with me , she isn’t worth my time , I might stay friends with her but I will not give her my heart completely. The best thing I started to do was start treating every girl I meet as a friend , and keep it at a friend level to give her and I time to really get to know each other before ripping each others’ clothes off , if we end up making out and having sex , I will ask her if she would like to be FWB’s with some strings attached , meaning her and I can only have sex with each other and no one else , if we choose to sleep with someone else , we promise to end the benefits part between us and just remain friends. It gives her and I time to really get to know each other before committing to each other 100 percent , I no longer rush into relationships with girls’ mainly because all of the ones I did rush into, all betrayed me and backstabbed me or they eventually changed their minds about being in a relationship, so FWB’s with some strings kind of eliminates that from happening , it gives her and I some breathing room to give us time to really get to know each other before making the final decision of being committed. Just make sure you find someone that is honest with you the same way you are honest with them before getting into this situation with anyone. I realized rushing for Love is stupor for most people to do , Love only grows when 2 people choose each other and stay loyal and faithful to each other , that remove selfishness for each other , and make each other their top priority , if you don’t have that with someone , your relationship will fail and you will be left heart broken because you rushed into something that you shouldn’t have rushed into in the first place

[Asker]

How can I change it? At first they are so charming.

[Finchie40]

Tell me about it lol , that’s why you tell them you only want FWB’s with some strings attached for now , until you really get to know them , if they really like you , they will stick by your side

[Asker]

friends with benefits not for me. I totally understand your point though. It’s sad that grown adults even act this way and can’t just be honest with us.

[Finchie40]

FWB’s with some strings attached not just FWB’s with no strings attached , that’s a whole different thing. And yes agree with you that it’s sad that is came down to this , but look how society is today and look how selfish people have become , I blame social media for a lot of the reasons that relationships keep failing and people think grass is greener on the other side. Me personally doesn’t want to be with a girl that is running around screwing other guys’ behind my back and I am sure she doesn’t want the same. So Strings attached eliminates the both of you from having your heart broken if one of you changes your mind , sadly it happens more than we like to think it does , Every girl I have gave my heart to completely has eventually turned around and shit on it because she became a selfish POS by thinking grass is greener on the other side , I am a very loyal guy , I am not the type of guy that needs other girls’ my intentions is for her and I only but I can’t read her mind and don’t know what her true intentions are , so the only reason I suggest this , is so I don’t have my heart broken over and over again. I can’t tell you how many girls have told me that only wanted me and only wanted to stay loyal to me , that eventually turned around and lied and eventually changed her mind because she met someone else or found a better opportunity for herself behind my back. Basically blind siding me , so for me to commit to a girl these days she has to prove to me that she is on the same page as me , not just with words , actions as well. I am sure you girls’ experience the same shit with guys’ actually I know most of you girls’ do , so this honestly helps you as well. Casual sex is dirty and degrading and why people all of a sudden think it’s acceptable just blows my mind , that they don’t care about STD’s etc. I don’t want to have sex with a girl that can’t be honest and loyal to me , I have ended up in bed with girls’ that I met on the same night , that pretty

[Finchie40]

Much told me everything I wanted to hear , thinking she was being honest with me , to find out after we had sex , she wasn’t honest with me , she had a boyfriend or a husband that she didn’t tell me the truth about , leaving me like WTF? So I pretty much tell her thanks for a good time but not a long time. We can’t force someone to be honest with us , we can’t force someone to be loyal and faithful to us , All we can do is give the same way we hope to receive and sadly that isn’t always the case , because people are selfish and only really care about themselves. So if you want to waste your time rushing onto a relationship with someone , don’t be surprised when they drop your ass the second the infatuation period comes to an end , leaving you feeling used and lied to , when they decide to open themselves up to someone else.

[Ironic_Method]

Impatience! Sounds like a lot of traits that you want in a partner are common in men who don't treat you well (unfortunate) and you getting excited over a potential good partner makes it hard to vet with a clear mind.

Of course, it's impossible for any of us to know since we don't know you.

[Asker]

Thanks. Make sense.

[Asker]

It makes sense*

[Lilbit84]

Amen I have about give up on the dating merry go round. It's the same circle of guys that are the same exact way. They are all nice at the first couple month even years. Then it's seems I got my own money flowing in then he slowly stops working and started manipulating me. After 9 years with help from my landlord lol he is now out of my house. Starting the dating scene again not 3 months in this dude I catch walking slowly with a coworker on his day off telling me he is there wishing her good luck on a test. Lol ok. . but I think when it's time it's time. The right one will come into your life. You just have to fight the butterfly's at first and go investigate lol heck it's unreal. I would switch up my crowd of people maybe. I hope things change for you but work on you from here on out. I'm not saying that you are the problem but do you. You come first for your happiness..

[Asker]

It sucks. Mithras well just be alone.

[Asker]

Might*

[Lilbit84]

Yup won't have the stress. It sucks to no end. I had to give his key back and go get my stuff yesterday. I cried so hard because I don't know what I did. But apparently I was a show for his coworkers. I don't know because things changed real quick after I called out mine.

[Asker]

I’m so sorry 😔 I’m sure it wasn’t even about you but his own issues.

[Lilbit84]

People can be slick and talk a good game. Then they suck you in to believing that they have changed. But in reality they haven't. I feel for it. The reason why is he stopped drinking. I couldn't stand him years ago because of his ego. But I noticed a change and he was sweet kind bought me stuff gave me the key to his house. Then after I seen the work life I was like ok. Oh he told me that I couldn't handle his job life so it probably won't work but we will see what happens. Lol I guess now I really know

[Lilbit84]

I was vulnerable at the time because of the last relationship is only the reason why I got the hook line and sinker

[Asker]

Sorry. 😢

[lightbulb27]

if you are selecting them, saying yes, then you are treating you like crap... to some extent. Granted, even a good person can pick one or two bad apples... or ones that need some effort to change.

If you look at your childhood emotional experiences and personality, that will tell you a lot about how you feel about yourself and how you see yourself. That is hidden, but it appears is steering you in a direction you don't like.

So look there at the "selector"... your sub conscious programmed mind... your wounds if you will. They may not even look like wounds, may just look like normal life... but it wasn't perfectly loving, was traumatic at times and hurtful and painful. That stuff... how it was interpreted and how you saw yourself, is what you seek.

So healing those wounds and improving your self esteem, seeking the truth to set yourself free... that is how you change the course.

The other simple answer is... take up some new environments and look for people there. Trouble is... if the above is what is causing the problem... then you'll just pick the same apples again.

[Anonymous]

Deep down have you looked at yourself. After a while you have to think ok so what seems to be the key component that is always present in all these situations. You. So what about you brings about these types of men? People don’t go out I get is only to find men or women like this. But it’s ingrained in us if we’ve been through certain things to attract more people like that. For instance if a girl grew up w a father who was abusive to her mother, chances are she’d end up w a man like that. Not intentionally. At the same time if it’s cause you’re an “independent” woman most men don’t want a girl like that.

[Asker]

I’m desperate for love.

[Opinion Owner]

So that’s probably the reason why. You probably give in to easy on things? Maybe you don’t. When it comes to sex w men do you sleep w them right away? If not then they leave than that’s good you don’t want those men. Have you had a long term relationship before?

[Asker]

I’ve had a long term relationship before and I don’t give in easily to sex but I am clingy.

[Opinion Owner]

What happened w that long term relationship? When you say clingy please define that. Like what things did you do that made you clingy?

[Asker]

Basically we just grew apart and went separate ways. Cling as in I want to be with them a lot and when we are apart text them.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Who actually grew apart? Usually it’s one person who starts it. Someone usually initiates that. He did or you did then the other just followed w the same pattern?

[Asker]

Him because I was clingy.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. So it wasn’t really like you two grew apart. It was because of the clinginess that pushed him away. Otherwise you two would most likely still be together. Where does this come from? Being clingy?

[Asker]

Yes. I don’t know where it comes from I’ve always been this way. Where do you think it could come from?

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t know. Hard to say. You would have a better chance at guessing? Abandoned as a kid by mom? Dad? Other people that were importsnt in your life?

[Asker]

Yes. That’s it I was neglected emotionally.

[Opinion Owner]

Have you gone to seek treatment

[Asker]

Yes. In my teenage years. Maybe my personally is just to be this way.

[Opinion Owner]

So
You e never been married or have kids? Where do you tend to meet the men you date?

[Asker]

Never married. In reality or online.

[Opinion Owner]

I see. Ultimately what did you w at in a relationship? Marriage? Kids?

[Asker]

Yes. I wanted that and the stability. I don’t suppose it will happen.

[Opinion Owner]

I wouldn’t give up. Do you mind if I ask your actual age? Would you say it’s easy for men to find you attractive?

[Asker]

32 I’m not sure but it’s not like I give of desperate or slutty vibes. I attract a certain type a men from the same month and we always hit it off and then they act hot and cold.

[Opinion Owner]

May I ask what you look like? Most of the time do the men come up to you or do you initiate contact sometimes? Also are you only going after a particular type of man as far as looks or are you open to a lot of options?

[Asker]

Black hair, blue eyes, pale. A certain type of guys what do you mean?

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry my apologies I thought I responded

[Opinion Owner]

Certain men like look wise. Like some
Girls will try to go for a man that is perfect, handsome, makes money but she’s not on his level look wise but thinks she still deserves that

[Asker]

It’s ok.

[Asker]

Everything with some people is all about looks and money. This isn’t me I just want genuine love and commitment.

[Opinion Owner]

So have you talked to any men recently? I think you still have a chance. You just have to recognize one when you’re being to clingy. But that’s going to take time to realize that.

[Asker]

I am talking to you right now. Lol

[Opinion Owner]

True lol but I mean near you or men who you find interesting. Do you mind telling me a little more about yourself

[Asker]

I have but the conversation fell short. I’m 5’7 and athletic. You?

[Opinion Owner]

I’m 5’10, not athletic athletic but not obese either. Spent about 10 years in the military. Black hair, brown eyes, Native American

[Asker]

You sound very handsome.

[Opinion Owner]

Not sure about that. But I’ve never really looked at myself in that way.

[Asker]

I’ve never met a Native American man. It’s nice to meet you.

[Opinion Owner]

May I ask what part of the country you’re in?

[Asker]

Belgium

[Opinion Owner]

What’s it like there? What time is it there? It’s 0739 here in the states.

[Asker]

It’s 4:40 pm and it’s fine.

[Asker]

Never been to USA.

[Opinion Owner]

So what are your plans today? What’s it like in Belgium?

[Asker]

It’s great. A little cold out side with the beautiful autumn leaves falling around, but really peaceful. I plan on going out for pizza a little later. You?

[Opinion Owner]

Well I will probably be up for an hour or so then go to sleep. I work nights. Just got home. Wake up later this afternoon to watch college football. It rained today, but it’s been hot still. Hopefully it’s actually going to cool down soon

[Asker]

Sounds like a productive weekend and I hope it’s a good one. Are you celebrating Halloween?

[Opinion Owner]

No. I love Halloween but not to many people come through this area. They go down the main road so putting out a lot of things that not many people will see is t worth it. Do they celebrate Halloween in Belgium?

[Asker]

Same. I love it but never celebrated it and only went trick or treating a few times in childhood. Just never did the whole decorations. Some kids definitely celebrate it here and some adults dress up to go partying.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah it’s a big thing here. My favorite time of the year is August to January. In August football starts, both pro and college. Basketball also starts as well as hockey. Baseball unwinding down now these last few months for the World Series. The. You have Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas then new years.

[Asker]

Autumn is my favourite and my birthday is November so maybe that’s why. But yeah definitely the busiest seasons. What football nfl team do you support? I don’t know much about American football.

[Opinion Owner]

Autumn is nice so long as you live in an area where you actually see the change. I live in Arizona so temps get up into triple digits. Very hot. There are parts of Arizona where we do get snow, fall colors. I like the Arizona Cardinals as well as the Chicago Bears. College football plays on Saturdays. Some days they play on Friday, but a majority off all college games are on Saturdays. Then we have NFL all day tomorrow.

[Asker]

It must be hard living in a state with constant heat but I guess you are use to it? Interesting I’d have to look up some of these teams and check out a game on YouTube. I also like American basketball. Lol

[Opinion Owner]

Yes I love basketball. Love the Phoenix Suns. Right now I’m watching game day right now. They go to different colleges each weekend and broadcast live from big games that are being played that day. Like this
https://youtu.be/5sNGQ01yrew?si=Hia2JMesMCoteHgy

[Asker]

Awesome! Americans are so loud and happy go lucky. Lol. Right now I had CNN news on.

[Opinion Owner]

https://youtu.be/B-wXdCGlHb0?si=ZkWk-xnHOaIVFhab

[Opinion Owner]

I don’t think the US is as bad as a lot of people may think especially people from other countries. We have a lot to do and see. A variety of people. Cultures. Food.

[Asker]

Do you play football?

[Opinion Owner]

No. In high school I did then I joined the military.

[Asker]

Nice. How old are you?

[Opinion Owner]

I’m 46. Born in June.

[Asker]

Late June?

[Opinion Owner]

Early June.
So where have you traveled?

[Asker]

Nice. I have traveled to the UK, France, Netherlands, Spain. What about you?

[Opinion Owner]

When I was in the military I got to go
To the Middle East, Spain, Sicily, Italy, Spain, Africa, Kosovo, Croatia, Malta, Palma, Japan, South Korea, and a number of other places. In the states I e been to about half the states.

[Asker]

Amazing! Out of all the countries and continents.. what were your favourites?

[Opinion Owner]

I really liked Italy. I wouldn’t mind going back. If you could come to the states where would you want to go

[Opinion Owner]

How you doing?

[Asker]

Still desperate for love 🥰 but thankful that God woke me up to see another day. How are you?

[Opinion Owner]

I’m good. Wasn’t sure if you just didn’t want to respond anymore. I have a few more hours of work before I’m off.

[Asker]

I’m not a big talker tbh. I’m glad to see that you’re doing well. Where do you work?

[Opinion Owner]

I workin the veterans hospital. Sorry but I love to talk. I learn a lot of things from people, especially older people. A lot of people tell me I’m good w talking to people

[Asker]

That’s an awesome job! God bless you. I’ve always been more of an observer rather than a talker. I do enjoy a deep conversation. I don’t know my mother always told me I should talk more, but sometimes I feel lost for words. I definitely pick up on energy a lot and I guess it could drain me.

[Opinion Owner]

Well that’s the other thing about me too is I’m also an observer. Since I was in the military as well you have to be observant of a lot of things. Especially when you’re deployed overseas. Do you live w your mother?

[Asker]

I live alone. That totally makes sense. My family all live around me though and we are very close. I come from a huge family. 😊

[Opinion Owner]

That’s nice. I like big families. Especially when you get together and have dinner or something. So it’s about 1430 there correct? You working? Have plans?

[Anonymous]

I mean if you’re intentionally choosing bad men. You’re probably a crappy person yourself and deserve it.

If you’re falling for dudes who you think are genuinely good until later on. Those are people who pretend to be someone they’re not. As much as it hurts most people encounter this. Women as well as men alike

[Asker]

That’s what it is. They put a facade on.

[Opinion Owner]

Then unfortunately that’s who some people are. Maybe you were sent into their life for a good purpose and they….

[Asker]

That’s true. We often get sent into someone’s life to teach them help them in some way. Thank you for responding.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome

[ProbablyClueless]

People tend to recreate the relationships they had modeled for them as children. Same with learned coping strategies. So, if your family dynamic had a less-than-reliable father or you had parents who made you feel unsafe opening up emotionally, you might be recreating what feels familiar by chasing after guys who make you feel that instability.

[exitseven]

Yuo probably just date really good looking guys and they figure they can treat you like doggy doo because they can always find somebody else.

[Asker]

No. This ain’t true for me.

[exitseven]

what do I know,? you are Anon.

[slatyb]

Because you believe you can't attract anyone better? That's the usual reason. That's how I entered an abusive marriage. I saw a great therapist as that marriage was ending. After that every woman I dated was amiable.

[Juxtapose]

If you're so tired of it then stop dating guys who are not empathetic or compassionate. Those are pretty easy traits to vet for.

[Asker]

They don’t show these signs… until weeks into the relationship.

[LiamJHayden]

Change your routine. Go to different types of places than you currently frequent.

[Asker]

This is what I’ll have to do. Thanks.

[ChicoFromThe305]

There's most likely signs you didn't catch on too, be aware for signs, normally their colors slip out

[FunkyMonkee]

I've been trying to figure that out for 40 years!!

[Anonymous]

You're attracted to them kinds of guys. This isn't rocket science.

I do the same thing with women this is why I don't try to date anymore.

Maybe you should consider doing that.

[Smegskull]

Because your instincts don't care what you think.

[Asker]

Would suicide be a good idea for me?

[Lilbit84]

No you matter in this world so please don't forget that

[superchan2011]

No. Absolutely not. I was thinking about suicide myself after my relationship with my ex didn't work out. I was actually planning it. Best thing I did was went to therapy, they helped me just by being there for me to talk all my emotions out as well as to give me helpful tips on how to get through it in the meantime. I can't recommend that to you enough. I'm still not all better but it's helped quite a bit. You'll pull through this with the right kind of guidance. You will make it to the other side of the fence by and by. Hang in there.

[noohair]

You choose appearance over character.

[Asker]

Never done that.

[jahaims]

You lack intelligence