He ended the 10 year affair but now he’s crawling back?

[Anonymous]

So to keep it simple, I was part of a 10 year affair, I’m also married. It was some of the best years of my life, I have no regrets and I adore him. Unfortunately, neither of us was willing to compromise our marriages as, as we both maintain we have a happy home life and young children etc.

The past 12 months he’s seemed more distant emotionally, and it’s caused a few arguments between us. I have been struggling and going through a lot in my mainlife and been on his case a little that he wasn’t around enough to help, when in reality I know he couldn’t be but I still blamed and took a lot out on him. He wasn’t all innocent in regards to me and left me hurting on occasions without trying to sort the situation to on out between us. I told him I wanted a distance between us for a while and ceased all communication for around 4 months, I then reconnected. He was fine at the time, and we met up a few times and nothing was different then 6 months ago he ended things. He told me he chooses his family, and we are wrong, that he doesn’t wanna hurt anyone, but he will always be my friend. I was angry and upset, 10 years is a long time. I expressed this in an argument, although I acknowledged he was right it just hurt it was present and happening. I then went through 6 months of hell, he refused to speak to me, and I left him be. I never messaged him atall, and he didn’t other than a birthday etc. I hurt like I’ve never hurt before, at times I couldn’t even see a way out. It was painful but the past few weeks I’ve started feeling more like myself, the only thing is since I’ve been feeling more ok, he’s started trying to make contact.

he messaged a few times a week, asks me to meet up “as friends”, he makes stupid excuses to make conversation, or will comment on a story I post where as it was silent between us for months. I’m confused with what he wants, he ended things and pretty said he was done with me, ignored me for half a year and now is creeping?

[lightbulb27]

wouldn't wish your spot on worst enemy.

it's your call isn't it...

the only thing I'd want to hear is what the problem was, what he's done about it and how he's grown. That would be meaningful change. Else, emotionally block and move on in life.

I can only guess... the other one wasn't quite what it panned out to be... so he's alone again... doesn't like being alone, misses what he had... and coming back for round whatever round this is.

This guy has skills but he isn't strong nor providing emotional support. in a sense, he's a child working through his wounds... normal.

what's coming up in life is more challenging... kids growing and need a strong family net between you so they have proper guidance through difficult growing years. Your parents and family getting older and needing more support. You get worked harder at work.

you need support. he ain't going to cut it as a friend. If you need a spouse, then move on and find a good one. He can maintain his role in kids life and you maintain the family unit, but you emotionally distance so he can live and learn.

[Asker]

It’s a real tough place to me, an affair it’s physically and mentally draining. It feels as if I can’t live without him, but I can’t live with him either.

He became distant after a lads holiday away, I believe he met someone, and she occupied him for a good few months, she was new and attractive, but that’s since fizzled out and now he’s decided he misses what we had. I’m not too sure, but he seems to be trying to act as if the past year hasn’t happened.

[lightbulb27]

When trust is gone, there is nothing. It's like returning to a burned house. the only answer is truth, openness, addressing the deeper issues or airing them out, re-establishing trust and respect. Hiding a secret, lying, ignoring and such just burries the seed to blow up some other time.

[spartan55]

First of all, you are both horrible shitty people. Second, well duh what do you think he wants? To read a book with you? He wants sex so he's hitting his gross side piece. About as simple as it gets.

[Anonymous]

Why are you confused? He wants casual sex, that’s all your connection is good for anyway.

[Asker]

I never mentioned the relationship was sexual.

[Opinion Owner]

How else does an affair occur?

[spartan55]

@asker
Stop talking like we are all stupid here.

[Anonymous]

You are both shitty human beings. That's all I have to say.