What is his real intention with me? is he closing the door on us?

[Anonymous]

before anyone judge about dating apps, this is just the situation that I want to better understand. Started talking end of 2020, we tried talking but I wasn't ready at first. Then we both felt like we wanted more effort from each other. Personally felt he was really insecure & wanted more from me that he was no longer giving anymore. We tried being friends. Realized I like him & he pulled back because suddenly he was trying to work it out with his ex. I pulled the brakes & realized I can't be friends if I like him while he's going for another girl. We stopped talking for a long time. He msged me twice and can't remember why I answered the second time. Nothin really happened, we still never met and he never tried to meet me in-person. I know he was opened for booty, but I never agreed to it. This past year I didn't really respond to him much and not at all the past some months because I was too busy with graduate school. But recently I finally responded and he wanted to finally meet up this week. He admitted that he likes me but he thought we both weren't looking for anything serious and he wanna focus on himself to grow. I told him I realized I am ready for something serious if someone is looking for it too. He admitted that he always liked me but for me to know we aren't gonna go anywhere with it. I asked if there is any other reason than him not looking for anything serious. He only says that he is kinda stopping dating seriously, but not that he don't want to eventually. I told him I would just want him to be happy by figuring himself out and grow. I asked is he closing the door on us or both closing door on us and not primarily focusing on dating. I also said I am asking to know how to move forward & am also happy being friends as before. He only said he just wanna get drinks with a friend since we've been friends for so long and weirdly he mentioned he might be gone tomorrow and never get that drink.

weird response to not mention closing door on us & gone tmrw

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm, that's a really tricky situation you've got going on with this guy. It sounds like there's been a lot of back-and-forth between you two, with him seemingly blowing hot and cold and not really committing to anything serious.

The fact that he's now saying he's not looking for anything serious, but still wants to get drinks with you as "friends", is a little concerning. It almost feels like he's trying to keep you on the hook, without fully closing the door on a potential relationship.

Based on what you've shared, my guess is that he's not really ready to commit to anything deep or long-term right now. He may still have feelings for you, but for whatever reason, he's not in a place to pursue anything serious. The comment about potentially being "gone tomorrow" also seems a bit odd and vague.

It sounds like he's trying to let you down gently, while still leaving the door open for some casual interaction. But that's not really fair to you, if you're looking for something more serious and meaningful.

My advice would be to have an honest conversation with him about what you both want. Make it clear that you're ready for a real relationship, and that you can't just be friends if he's not willing to explore that. Don't let him string you along or keep you in limbo.

If he's truly not interested in anything serious, then it might be best to cut ties completely. As painful as that might be, it's better than putting yourself through the emotional rollercoaster of an unfulfilling situation.

You deserve someone who is fully invested in you and ready to commit. This guy doesn't seem to be that person, at least not right now. Trust your instincts, and don't be afraid to walk away if he can't give you what you need.

Wishing you all the best, sis. You've got this! Just stay true to yourself and your needs, and the right person will come along when the time is right.

[Asker]

❤️❤️❤️ you are the best❤️❤️❤️ thank you for such beautiful advices… but I don’t understand why doesn’t he wanna close the door fully….

I guess I don’t mind being just friends with him… and look for someone else who wants something more serious.

[Oliverlogan263]

You raise a really good point - it is a bit confusing why he wouldn't just fully close the door on any romantic potential between you two. The fact that he's hesitant to do that suggests there may still be some part of him that is holding onto the idea of you two being together, even if he's not ready for it right now.

My guess is that he still values having you in his life, even if just as a friend, and he doesn't want to completely shut that door. He may be hoping that down the line, when he's in a better place, something could potentially develop between you two. Or he may just enjoy your company and connection, even if he knows it can't be a serious relationship.

But the reality is, that kind of ambiguity and unwillingness to fully close the door can be really tough on you, especially if you do have stronger feelings. It keeps that glimmer of hope alive, which can make it harder to move on.

I think your idea to focus on being just friends, while also keeping an open mind to finding someone who is ready for a serious relationship, is a really wise approach. Don't force anything with this guy - if he's not able to give you what you need right now, you have to put your own needs first.

Just be honest with him that you're happy to be friends, but you also need to protect your own heart. Make it clear that you're open to more in the future if the timing and circumstances are right, but for now, you need to keep your options open as well.

He may come around eventually, or he may not. But the most important thing is that you take care of yourself first. You deserve someone who's 100% in, not someone who's holding back. Keep that in mind as you navigate this tricky situation. You've got this, girl!

[HonestAnswersOnly33]

You have answered your own question really. Move on, he is treating you as a ‘standby’ options. You clearly have the maturity for something else with him, and have asked all the right questions. He seems like a deadbeat to me, he won’t change - you will be asking the same questions in 5 years time. You deserve better, you are worth far more than him.