My boyfriend has been acting strange recently, could it be a sign of cheating or feeling guilty about something?

[Anonymous]

Hi. My boyfriend (30m) and i (28f) have been together for 6 years (almost 7) he has been acting very strange for the last few weeks. It started when he came home and told me about this girl he saw, prior to us dating he was hitting her up and when we eloped he ghosted her. He has dragged her back into the picture, ever since he saw her that night a few weeks back.

he came home to tell me the story of them 2, how he was messaging her and then ghosted her when him and i started to see each other, but he saw her and it was “super awkward”. During our 6 years together, i have been nurse and mother maid and chef. While also working a part time on the side. He has a great life, anything he wants, he gets, he doesn't do any sort of house work (its split between his dad and i) and never has to cook, our sex life is great, we both share video gaming and playing video games together, i also do a lot of crafts, i have heaps of hobbies sometimes i swap up now and then lol.

he doesn't have hobbies like me, he plays video games and drinks beer. Thats all he really does anymore. Lately after the encounter with the other girl he keeps telling me about her, he has even messaged her and unsent his messages.

I've noticed a huge change in his attitude towards me in a big way, he tells me off under his breath and tells me that my hobbies are “stupid”. His dad and i worked so hard on a small veggie garden, with heaps of fruit and a big tomato plant, my boyfriend got drunk last night and pulled our tomato plant out and broke one of my garden lights. I asked him about it and he said “i didn't touch your tomato plant and the light doesn't work anyways, stop whinging”. I dont know what has gotten into him lately, but his never acted out this way 😔

[WhitneySnow]

That’s a really bad sign. I would say leave him, but it sounds like you have kids and a whole family structure. I do think you should at least confront him about his behavior.

[Asker]

Thankfully him and i dont have kids, so if anything happened between us no one would really suffer the repercussions of it. Where we live in a small farm house, i have allowed his dad to move in the land, he lives in a Caravan home, i do my house work and he does my yard work. The vegetable garden was a project him and i have been working hard on (at least since August last year), we have maintained the garden and basically put our hard efforts into producing fruits and vegetables.

My boyfriend has kinda done something similar with another girl, ringing her and messaging her and trying to play it off as someone else, wanting her over to make her ex jealous, etc. i mentioned the girl to him and he went quiet really fast.

I am the kind of person that if wishes to be with her, i won't stop him (i will probably encourage him 🤣), but he should make pretty thorough decisions, cause once he picks someone else he won't have a house to come back too or a life to comeback too. Which was something i told him with the first girl and almost slipping up the first time

[WhitneySnow]

I think you should definitely confront him and maybe consider leaving him if he keeps being a dick

[Asker]

The first time he almost slipped up, it was with his friend’s ex wife. There was a rumour going around (that i reckon my boyfriend started or him and her started) about them 2 seeing each other behind mine and his friend back. My boyfriend came to me to tell me about it and then said “you know i am at home all the time. Dont go anywhere, i swear” i wasn't annoyed at the rumour due to me knowing well he hasn't seen her in years. But after that rumour he was ringing her on facebook and messaging her. He wanted to invite her to my house and make her ex jealous, i put my foot down and said “no f-ing way, i dont want her or her kids here, breaking my belongings”. That didn't stop him from messaging her, until i was fed up and said “the day you bring her to my house, is the day we are no longer in a partnership” and he didn't bring her by. He dropped her straight after.

This girl, he kept getting drunk and messaging her (i dont know if he has rang her, i can't comment on that). He has been treating me so poorly (poorer then usual) and messaging her.

There has been plenty of times i have really considered leaving, after time and time his sisters disrespected my boundaries. Turning up to my house and making it like their own, raiding my cupboards for food, dumping their unwanted animals at my house and using my land to throw house parties. They disrespected my house in so many ways, i was very very close to tell my partner to hit the road and take his sisters with him

[Anonymous]

He could be cheating, or perhaps his real self has finally come out.

[Intheclouds00]

Start texting his friends. He will knock that shit off with the girl right away

[Asker]

I am in a discord group with them and my boyfriend, but his friends have kids and girlfriends and i couldnt disrespect myself or them like that. I've never really been flirtatious towards them in that way or in anyway. Before him and i made it official and we were only a fling, he saw me talking in person to another guy (it wasn't anything, he wanted a artwork done and i used to paint quite a lot) and my boyfriend got jealous, he came to my house later to see me and went off his head and asked how could i talk to the other guy, how could i offer anything to him (really blew it up) i reminded him that we werent boyfriend and girlfriend and why was he upset. That was really the only time i saw him jealous. We used to go out to the pub and when we did he would see girls, some were girls he had flings with before we dated and some were with their boyfriends he knew from school. Every time he gets drunk, he talks about his exs. How they cheated or a girl he had a fling with and ghosted. After a while it does become quite hurtful, i feel like that maybe there is unresolved feelings he still has between his ex and these flings. But i can't comment on that, i could be wrong. My exs cheated on me for no reason, because it defined my past, i didn't allow it to define my future with him. But the way he has been acting since the encounter with her has me on edge a little, i trust him ofc. But not when his deleting messages and acting nonchalant

[Intheclouds00]

No deleting messages is hella sus. Only one way to interpret that unfortunately. Whatever he is doing it's an ego feed and it is indicative of an insecurity issue of some kind and probably won't change. It is a distinct possibility he will stay with you until one of these other situations hit or he is/will just stay with you and do it behind your back. If he relies on you for something, take that away and see how he reacts. At the end of the day what you really want to know is how he feels about you, right?

[Asker]

Everyone has said that he has his life made, he has a girlfriend that works part time, then after work i come home and i cook and clean, i am basically a unmarried housewife (without the kids too). I get he works 10 hours for 5 days, then gets to come home, but his feet up, play his Pc and drink until 1am. While i clean the house before work, do 8 hour shifts, come home and cook and clean again. His father has told me countless of times that he won't leave, cause he won't find someone like me, but it doesn't make a excuse to the fact he is messaging girls behind my back. Im not saying “you can't be friends with girls”. I have a few gaming friends that are guys, but i only ever talk to them when i play. Otherwise, i dont message them out of character or telling my boyfriend I've had flings with them and ghosted them. I've never saw them in any way like that and never will.

This also isn't the first time he has messaged a girl in this manner, the first time was his best friends ex wife and he tried so hard to hide it from me, i found out and called him out for it and he confessed and said i would of been pissed off, i said “no, if you told me the truth i wouldn't of. Hiding it will piss me off more”. When she got a new boyfriend and got pregnant by this new guy, i saw a spark of jealousy in my boyfriend

[Asker]

He wasn't going and meeting up with this girl, there was a rumour floating around that him and her were seeing each other (it wasn't true, he never saw her), but it didn't change the fact he was messaging her, ringing her and hiding it. He even tried to invite her to my house with her kids, i have very expensive stuff and her kids aren’t respectful of other peoples belongings. I did try a friendship with the girl (when she was married to my boyfriends best friend), i used to hang out with them and have a few drinks. But they started to become toxic, would carry on with teenage drama, spreading lies and when my boyfriend would come home from hanging out with them, he would be very nasty towards me. I stopped the friendship on my end, but allowed him to do whatever he wanted with them. I just didn't want to continue something that wasn't there

[Intheclouds00]

How do you know he never saw her? Rumors are not to be discounted easily especially if they got back to you. People are very good at keeping secrets and if a rumor got around to you it wasn't by accident. Know your value. Don't accept less than you deserve just to have someone. I'd rather be alone and able to find someone that wants to be here.

[Asker]

When he would finish work at 5pm he would be home around like 10 minutes later, would be impossible for him to travel 30 minutes to her, see her and travel 30 minutes back lol. I wasn't mad about the rumour, i was more made about how he was going to bring her around, after it was said and knowing me and girl didn't like each other. I told my friend that if anything happens and he leaves, will definitely be my last relationship 🥲

[Intheclouds00]

Definitely your last relationship? That's a pretty interesting statement. You obviously really care about him. I am just saying that when you are ina relationship and happy and in love, you don't message other chicks. This is Universal among men. There is no legitimate reason for the things you described, but I have been where you are at and know how easy it is to stop seeing things normally when you are truly in love.

[Asker]

I dont care about other men, i dont care about my friends i do my partner (like i care about them, but not how i do with my partner lol). I dont mind him being friends with other girls, im not controlling like that or anything. But when it gets to deleting things and bragging about them constantly, i kinda feel in competition.

At this moment, he had a talk to me about quitting his job and going on Welfare, i struggled very badly when he did this before, im scared of that again. I didn't get a day to myself at home, my house was always messy and he wouldn't pull his own weight. I like my days alone watching Jerry Springer 🥲

[jahaims]

Don't date if you don't trust