Why Don't Guy Friends Get Closer?

[emeraldsaphire]

So a few days ago, My boyfriend had his bestie over to watch some movies. To save some money we are keeping the thermostat down this winter and have just been using blankets and dressing with more layers to keep warm.

Well I notice that boyfriend and his friend were looking cold on the couch. So I suggested they use the blanket that was right in between them. Me and my friends share a blanket all the time. They refused, they'd rather be cold then share a blanket.

So I started thinking, I've never seen him and his guy friends hug. All they have is this hand shake back pat thing. I never hear them say "I love you" or really get vulnerable at all. I was thinking that maybe I just don't see that part of their friendship So I asked him. He told me that he's never seen them cry or cried in front of them. They rarely get vulnerable or touch that much.

Is it just me or are guy friendships kinda shallow?

[Anonymous]

Believe it or not men’s friendships are much more stronger than you think. I’d say maybe even stronger that that of women. It’s like that episode of Family Guy where the the two female”friends” are sitting at the table saying things to each other that are condescending. Then it show the men. The dude says hey I like your tie. Then the music tunes in w a little jingle that says, “men, we know how to be friends.” I know not all female friendships are like that. But a lot of women are actually conniving, backstabbing, etc, when it comes to friendships w each other. A lot of women talk about each other, especially in the work place.
So to answer your questions. As some men have already pointed out, sharing a bal key would be seen as gay. Hugging these days between men is a little more acceptable. W women being feminine is being soft, emotional, butterflies, flowers n rainbows. W men it’s masculine, tough, rugged, strong. As men we show our emotions by what we do. Not always so much by what we say, especially toward other men. For instance men show women we care for them by doing things for them. If need by dying for them. Paying the bills. Getting her something nice. Flowers, food, etc. W men we can talk more but jokingly, like picking on your bro. Like bro man you hooked up w a whale last night. Talking shit. That’s how we show love. When I was in the military we’d call each other a lot of names. But it was in an endearing way as much as you may not be able to wrap your mind around it. I’d say what’s up fuck nuts. Just as they would say not much fuck face. I’d ask how’s my little bitch doing jokingly. Then he might say I don’t know haven’t seen your sister around in awhile lol but I knew he didn’t mean that literally about my sister. It’s just how men talk. How we show affection. Here’s another one you may not get. Some dudes would smack another dude in his balls then laugh about it. I know I know sounds more gay then sharing a blanket. The other thing is that as men over time you’ve learned to solve a majority of your problems on your own. To learn that no one is coming to save you so you have to save yourself. Most of this is learned at at early age before you meet those friends who you will have for life. Plus men know that to put your feelings, problems, emotions on someone else is a burden. Women don’t tend to understand that. They will offload everything on you as a man. But a lot of us as men don’t do that. We usually don’t do that to our wives or girlfriends or nothing you have both lol because we know it’s just going to stress her out or make her worry more.

[GoodEnoughThen]

Male relationships aren't shallow, they're just not as deep as women frienships. More like activity partners. I have three close male relationships. One guy is gay so easy for us to tall, but the other two guys, getting them to talk and be vulnerable/sharing is like pulling teeth and requires a fair amount of effort on my part. We stiil live in a culture where vulnerability for men is seen as weak, more so by men themselves than by the women that wish to know, love, and be intimate with them. Men don't realize what they are missing out on.

[emeraldsaphire]

Thank makes sense

[Shiprex]

It's not shallow it's different. The notion that these relationships wouldn't end with one putting their life at risk for the other is DEEP af and it's kinda weird women and some men don't accept that sacrifice is a kinda DEEP concept

[GoodEnoughThen]

@Shiprex Agree, that those 'life sacrificing' connections are deep but they are probly more ego and survival-mode driven than say connection driven. I think OP is wondering plain-old day-to-day dude relationships, ie- ones were sacrificing your life likely does not come into play on any regular basis (as would in combat). That beings said I got some guy friends I am definitely not sacrificing my life for. 🙃

[Shiprex]

They're still deep though and when a mate is in dire straights and calls you late at night needing something, you're getting out of your PJs and getting over there come hell or high water. Can't imagine many women doing that to their clique. Sure they'll spend time talking about things but that's not the same.
Deepness doesn't need to involve emoting. That's one of the things the feminisation of society has got wrong. Emoting only keeps the FEELINGS first and foremost and is likely to sustain levels of stress hormones for longer in the body. Reliving or ruminating on the experience which is almost like hanging on to it rather than accept, process and act on it by either getting through or over it. Why copy the group who are most likely to have stress more easily, more deeply and for longer when there's a group already going through shit (differently of course) but dealing with it with less time ruminating, less stress experienced, for less time and quicker recovery? It makes sense that the group dealing with LIFE better with less need for medication, therapy and stress be the ones to set the example.
That this example would mean MEN being seen as the best practice would not go down well with modern vogue or therapy and drug manufacturers.

[GoodEnoughThen]

@Shiprex Fair enough. Heck, I locked my keys out of car once and asked my G/F to please bring me spare keys. She said no. True story. Doh. Shoulda called one of ny guy friends. :)

[Shiprex]

@GoodEnoughThen
I hope she had a decent reason for not helping out that's one disrespectful act of selfishness otherwise

[Jennz6]

They don’t want you to think that they are gay

[emeraldsaphire]

I've thought about that too, but why does it stay that way when it's just them? Unless you think they secretly got under the blanket when I left XD

[Jennz6]

@emeraldsaphire
Yes XD

[HungTexan]

It’s not that guy friendships are necessarily shallow. Some guys think it’s gay to hug another guy or to express their friendship openly, etc. In particular, guys with just a little homophobia will resist hugging each other for some reason.

[glennos89]

Because we ain't gay! Only gay guys would share a blanket inside someone's house!

Unless it's a life or death situation I'm good freezingy ass off on the couch

[Anonymous]

Most guys would die for their friends. We do have very close relationships. But they do not look anything like a woman’s close relationship with other women.

[beefcakebradybatson]

This antediluvian belief that men don't cry or share their true feelings with their boys for fear of being thought gay, a major reason women outlive men by eight years on average.

[PeterLegg91]

It's normal for girl friends to do and say that things like that , we have guys have guy friends we don't say and do things like that it'll come across gay lol

[firenine909]

That’s not how guy friendships work. We don’t hug because it’s weird lol

[Bklynbadboy12]

Im not sharing a blanket with no dude i would've made you snuggle up with you man and your friend could snuggle up with me

[emeraldsaphire]

lol we could have done that, but I don't like the kind of movies they watch XDD

[Bklynbadboy12]

I would've watched something you want to watch

[emeraldsaphire]

lol that's sweet

[Bklynbadboy12]

That's the least we could do

[Agape93]

I've noticed similar too

[Tstrbrainer]

They would have, if you were between them, lol

[emeraldsaphire]

some other guy mentioned that too lol