Guys, What would compel you to cheat on your wife... with her sister?

[DishLady]

I was working on a project with a friend who's been married 30+ years to a guy I can only politely describe as... not nice looking. She, by contrast, is a very peppy, nice-looking gal a little older than me. Great shape, personality, work ethic, community spirit, etc... the whole package. Out of the blue one of her kids calls to check on her, apologizing for something their father has done. Since the room we're in is the only private space in the area, I offer to get up and give her privacy, but she shakes her head and wraps the conversation up. She then reveals that... after 30+ years of marriage, three kids (the youngest 25, the eldest 30) and all the sacrifices I've watched her put into her family and spousal life... he was caught cheating on her... with her sister.

Now... many guys cheat, and while I don't get it -- especially if they are married to someone like this -- I can't understand why it should ever be with their wife's family member. What's up with that?

Are we just that "interchangeable" to you guys?

It's so disheartening to those of us who were raised to save ourselves for the "right guy". Smh.

[Summeroflove]

To me that’s fucked up I pray I would never do something like that but I can give you some ideas. Some are more sinister then others but they are all very wrong.

Number one the least sinister is opportunity…. The opportunity arose and he jumped at it. Number two is as revenge to inflict as much pain as possible. Number three just the taboo of it. Getting off to how fucked up and wrong it is. Those are the three most likely reasons it could be a combination of reasons or something else I can’t read minds and will never understand what goes on in some peoples minds.

The same thing with the sister. Why would you have sexual relations with your sisters husband? Which I would list the same three possible reasons.

[DishLady]

The sister is another story all together... bc "it takes two to tango" as my mom would say.

[Summeroflove]

I agree it’s probably a combo of the three things I said for both of them though.

[ProbablyClueless]

People who cheat are basically defined by three things:

• A deep insecurity that makes them crave external validation.
• They lack a sense of appropriate personal boundaries
• They're getting off on the naughty and taboo part of having an affair and think they're clever enough to not get caught.

So basically the answer to your question is that a guy would do something like that if he's an arrogant dumb shit who is getting off on the thrill of risking being caught.

[DishLady]

But WHY with the sister?

[ProbablyClueless]

The risk of getting caught. The more wrong it is, the more "fun" people like that think it is.

He did it with the sister specifically because it was high stakes. If that situation goes south; having an affair with your spouse's family member will cause the worst, messiest, sloppiest, most painful crap storm possible.

[DishLady]

My God... well hope the karma comes back on him tenfold. And the sister can't be completely innocent in this scenario either. It's un-f-ing-believable given the sweet nature of the person they've done this to. Smh.

[ProbablyClueless]

In my experience, karma absolutely comes back to bite those people. But yeah... that situation is proof that you never really know what's going on behind the scenes in someone's marriage. Dude... people's relationships get so frickin weird.

And here's the worst part of the situation; there's almost no way that a guy who does something as weird as bang his wife's sister just suddenly woke up as that kind of person one day. Your friend unquestionably saw the writing on that wall years ago. So the question is; what does it say about her that she chose to marry him?

Someone who seems incredibly sweet to the community might be an absolute frigid nightmare to be married to. A seemingly happy couple could have both partners cheating. It could be that that woman has known about her husband and sister's thing for a while and they had some weird "husband sharing" agreement that's gone south. Hell, it might even be some weirder shit than that; like the man was actually dating the sister at first, and then your friend snaked him from her, so now the situation has come full circle.

I avoid people's personal lives with a passion. I don't want to know. The shit's always so weird.

[DishLady]

But see... my next question wouldn't twist it to ask why she married him, but rather why women bother being good and saving themselves if guys are going to be like this.

I mean... my ex husband did the same to me the whole time we were married... and he was my first... what red flags was I *supposed* to look for when I hadn't been with anyone else? Same with this woman...

We had kids young (with our husbands) and worked hard to scrimp and save and keep the roof over everyone's heads, the clothes on their backs, tuition checks paid, etc. Meanwhile the guys are like this? Where's the appreciation of having a good woman? Why does the guy MARRY if he knows he is like that?

[DishLady]

(Sorry, I'm venting a little bc I see parts of my story in this woman's story... It's very heartbreaking.)

[ProbablyClueless]

No worries, I totally get your frustration! I would say that there's no point to saving yourselves for guys like this woman's husband, but I would also say that guys like her husband aren't who you should be saving yourselves for.

I think the kind of red flags would be indecisiveness, disrespect for you and others, inability to plan, watching the way they handle conflict/disagreement, what sort of hobbies and lifestyle choices are they drawn to; stuff like that.

I don't think there's a magic formula to 100% avoid shitty, backstabbing behavior, but you can definitely avoid a lot of frustration and heartache by recognizing that a lot of how people act is a feature of who they are, not a bug they'll work out.

If you notice that the guy you're dating has a tendency to blow up at people he gets mad at and generally engages in petty acts of disrespect; you're basically guaranteed to be on the receiving end of that shit eventually. It really doesn't matter that he hasn't gotten shitty with you yet, because you know that this is who he is as a person, and eventually he will get shitty with you.

[DishLady]

I hear you.

It’s not so much that we plan to save ourselves for THAT guy, but THAT guy tends to ask for the commitment — gets upset seeing you with another guy and figures he needs to step up. Meanwhile we’ve been “good” and waited for marriage and have our babies and make our homes and treat our guys like kings… to find this sort of thing going on. It’s not what we were taught love or life would be.. all giving, wearing ourselves down to the core for someone whose eyes (and cock) are somewhere else. Ridiculous double standard.

[DishLady]

Some guys disrespect the way you’ve described, but some do it by “being chill” and trying to act like nothing that happens is what big a deal. Meanwhile they knowingly hurt you, tear up the relationship, impact the kids’ perception of what love should be… There’s no really good solution once it happens.

I swear, if they had focused on teaching us how to understand people instead of how to wrap a condom around a banana back in health class it would have a saved many of us a hell of a lot of heartache. 😂

[ProbablyClueless]

It's really amazing that schools don't teach people more about social skills. I really feel like a mild finishing school ought to be part of the curriculum lol

[DishLady]

Seriously!

[SteveSmith1985]

I don't think that there is anything that "compelled" this asshole to cheat on his wife with her sister.

I think cheating is a dispicable thing to do.

It's betraying someone you claim to love, and who you've literally promised to be faithful to. It's doing something you know will/would be extraordinarily painful to somebody you claim to love.

Aside from say, letting your mother or your children starve to death... I think cheating is one of the worst things somebody can do.

The promises you make to somebody you (supposedly) care deeply for are made voluntarily. If you're willing to betray somebody you care deeply for; Someone who trusts you; Someone who has kept THEIR promise to you; someone who you've had a deep intimate connection with... and are willing to cause that person immense pain... for 100% selfish reasons. There is no good reason for anybody to ever do that. It's the epitome of selfishness.

I don't understand how cheating is as accepted and as widespread as it is. That depresses me, and leaves me feeling disillusioned about finding "the right girl" the same way you're disillusioned by this specific case of cheating.

I think that cheating on somebody with their sibling is even worse. It's cheating with the very worst possible person (from the faithful partner's point of view). It's the way someone's cheating can cause maximum pain to the partner they claim to love.

It's also a double betrayal. The sister has broken different (unspoken) promises with her sibling. It's doubly painful for the faithful partner because now TWO of the people closest to them BOTH betrayed a sacred trust. I would definitely end up in prison if I were to ever experience something like that.

So, to answer your question. Nothing compelled this guy to cheat. There isn't a reason. It isn't because of anything his wife did; or didn't do. It isn't because of anything.

He cheated because he's a cheater. He's selfish enough to seek his own pleasure knowing that doing so was wrong, and would/could emotionally devastate his wife.

Looking for reasons is a mistake. There are no reasons to cheat. Those reasons don't exist. Anybody who tries to argue that they only cheated because...(whatever) is completely full of shit. They are telling you their self-justification for their cheating These are excuses not reasons. There is no such thing as a reason to cheat. Nobody is compelled to cheat. That's not why cheating happens.

Cheaters cheat because they are cheaters. They are willing to betray those they claim to love, and who trusts them to be faithful.

Seriously. Please stop looking for reasons. That implies that such reasons exist. They don't.

( although many people cheat... there are still people who never would. Hang in there) 🙂

[worldscolide]

Nothing. My wife's sister is nothing compared to my wife. While she isn't physically ugly, she is ugly personality wise based on how she treats and talks shit about my wife.

It's not my wife's fault she got knocked up in her first year of college by an abusive alcohol addicted worthless piece of shit.

[DishLady]

That sister sounds like such a prize... my goodness. Still single, I take it? (If not, I'd be surprised.)

[worldscolide]

No she married the guy who knocked her up. She has two kids now, and she wants another, even though the last one almost killed her.

[DishLady]

My goodness... Hopefully you don't have too much interaction with her that branch of the family. I'm personally not close to my sister. She trashes everything my family and I do, yet she's the one who's unsuccessful, undatable, etc. There's usually jealousy underlying the nastiness.

[worldscolide]

Several years ago, she came to my home, because her husband broke her arm. I'm a good guy. I set her up in my guest room, and told her I'd happily protect her. Later that day she snuck out of the house to go back to him. They have been together since.. He is not welcome at my home to the point where I told him that if he showed up at my home there wouldn't be enough left of him for the police to find. Then later, my wife has a 30th birthday party, and she not only chose not to show up, she publicly shamed my wife for having said party to her twitch stream. And then blamed her for her current predicament with her abusive husband. Apparently she expected my wife to kick me out when she came to stay with us to get away from her husband's abuse. And that we somehow forced her back into her situation.. As far as I'm concerned they deserve each other.

[DishLady]

My goodness... She's so toxic. She's just doing this to herself and looking to blame whoever's closest for her problems.

[DishLady]

Sorry you and your amazing wife went through that. :(

[worldscolide]

Thank you. It's actually part of why my wife is in therapy..

[DishLady]

Mm. Yeah. Glad she’s able to talk through it.

[HawkPerception]

Disgusting man with no sense of morality. And hate to say it, but the sister is in the same boat. That's not a sister that loved her. I would cut ties with my brother immediately if he ever pulled shit like that with me or anyone.

What reasons would compel him? Other than just being a sick and disgusting person with no sense of what's right, it could be a kink where he fucks the family (sister, mother... all that stuff). It's a pretty normalized concept in porn. But porn is where it should stay. Because anyone willing to do that to their partner is just a disgusting person.

Anyone willing to cheat on their partner was willing to take a risk of them finding out and emotionally scarring & traumatizing then to sleep with another person. That isn't love. If you loved someone you'd never take that risk... ever. Because you would never want to jeopardize what you have or risk hurting them... ESPECIALLY with their sibling.

[MicahRaine]

I could never see that happening. I can't imagine anything that would compel me to do that aside from the totally unrealistic situation of some crazy terrorist saying "have sex with her or I'm going to kill your wife and kids"

[DishLady]

The terrorist alibi? LOL.

[MicahRaine]

exactly lol, it's never gonna happen. Anyone I marry would either kill the terrorist trying to protect our kids and herself or would die trying, and I'd do the same lol. Either way, it's just never gonna happen

[Cormac995]

Fucking nothing! If you do that you're a bigger POS than even a regular cheater. It's not enough to break their SO's heart they have to destroy a family too. It's unforgivable.

[DishLady]

Exactly! I honestly didn't know what to say to help comfort her. Her life is crashing around her ears. She definitely doesn't deserve it. At least her kids are aware and all supportive of her.

[Cormac995]

When things like this happen if I found out someone chopped his cock and balls off my only response would be "Karma's a bitch isn't it?"

[DishLady]

Lol.

[NathanDavis]

a person like that... must have no emotional brakes of any kind... lol

that's my best guess, lmao

[HungTexan]

I wouldn’t do that, and I’m surprised her own sister would betray her that way. He obviously is missing some kind of moral compass, and her sister is basically a slut.

[MikeRJ]

I would never cheat on my significant other, especially a woman I had taken vows with.

[OlderAndWiser]

The only reason i can imagine is the desire to inflict maximum pain, like a revenge scenario.

[exitseven]

Would never happen, EWWWWWWW

[DishLady]

Hahaha. Honestly, some days you and a few of the other guys on here are the only reason I still believe guys can be good. The stories and men that actually land on my path? Ooof.

[exitseven]

I have always tried to follow this

[DishLady]

Ooooh. Me like. :)

[exitseven]

😎😎😎😎😎

[Oldschool1981]

I'm not the cheating sort but my wife on the other hand, doesn't mind a little side action sometimes. So long as she doesn't get pregnant, I'm don't see the problem

[Anonymous]

Lust and dishonesty

[DishLady]

I just feel sad for this woman bc he's not just busting up their marriage but also her extended family as well. He's messing his kids up, who are fully grown and can see what he's doing... It's all so bad. :(