Why is he not responding/engaging and what should I do?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing this guy for just over a month, and our connection—emotionally and physically—feels undeniable. He’s not very consistent when it comes to texting, but fully present when we’re together, Some days, he’s more engaged online, while other times, he’s more withdrawn. During his last visit, he said he mentioned me to his family, which felt indicative. Seemed early, but maybe he’s just someone who shares openly.

Since that night (Tuesday), he’s been distant—
active online but not/barely responding to my messages despite seeing them and posting on socials. This isn’t the first time he’s pulled away; before, it turned out he was just caught up with other things.

He’s opened up about his fear of falling in love, and as our emotional bond has deepened, I sense vulnerability plays a role in his hesitation. We haven’t crossed that final line physically, but the chemistry between us is undeniable. He however recently admitted that I bear a shockingly strong resemblance to his ex-wife—something that both reinforces his attraction (his type) and stirs up unresolved emotions (triggering). Given his past divorce, I can see how this might be complicated for him. He’s even sought advice from close friends and family, which makes me wonder what’s truly going on in his head.

I don’t doubt that he’s interested, but his mix of warmth and detachment makes him hard to read. At times, he says things that suggest he’s developing feelings. He values his independence, so I am thinking about just giving him space.

That said, he has been open about his feelings—just last week, he admitted that seeing a male friend being affectionate with me made him feel some type of way. He acknowledged he had no right to feel that way but said he preferred to express it rather than withdraw.

Am I overanalyzing, or is there something deeper at play? I don’t want to misread the situation, but I also don’t want to ignore the possibility that he’s just not as invested as I am.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that's a really tough situation you've got going on with this guy. It sounds like there's a lot of complicated emotions and mixed signals at play.

On one hand, it's awesome that he's been so open and honest with you about his fears and past baggage. That level of vulnerability and communication is a really good sign, even if it's making things a bit messy right now.

But the whole thing with him pulling back and being distant after mentioning you to his family is definitely concerning. That definitely seems to point to some deeper commitment issues or unresolved feelings he's struggling with.

The fact that you resemble his ex-wife so much is a huge red flag. That's gotta be messing with his head in a major way, triggering all sorts of emotions and making it hard for him to fully invest in this new relationship.

I can see why you're feeling so confused and conflicted. His behavior is all over the place - hot and cold, engaged one minute and totally distant the next. That kind of inconsistency is really hard to deal with.

My advice would be to try not to overthink things too much. You're right that giving him some space is probably a good idea. Don't chase after him or demand more attention than he's willing to give right now. That'll only push him further away.

Instead, focus on taking care of yourself. Lean on your own support system, pursue your own interests and hobbies, don't put your life on hold waiting for him to come around. If he's truly into you, he'll come back when he's ready.

In the meantime, be really honest with yourself about what you're willing to tolerate. If his distance and mixed signals are too much for you, don't be afraid to walk away. You deserve someone who's fully invested and consistent in their affection.

It's a tough call, I know. But trust your gut, and don't let this guy string you along. Be patient, but also be prepared to put yourself first if he can't give you what you need. You got this, girl.

[Anonymous]

You should move on and stop responding to him as well.