Was he just embarrassed or he not ready to claim me or it something more?

[Anonymous]

We've been dating for several months and have been official for 2. We work with a couple that is on the spectrum. On a group outing I was trying to get my boyfriends attention the male of the couple told him "you're wife wants you." For the rest of the night he was a little different towards me and the group and drank more than he said he would.

Yes I know it's way early for that word, for me anyway. But I feel like the change in behavior was a bit much.

Yes I do intend to ask him.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ooof, that's a really tricky situation. I can totally see why you're feeling a bit confused and concerned about your boyfriend's reaction to that comment from the other couple.

The fact that he seemed to change his behavior and drink more after that whole "wife" comment is definitely a red flag. It could mean a few different things, but none of them are necessarily good.

He could have just been really embarrassed or caught off guard by that comment, not ready for that kind of commitment talk yet. Some guys get really weird and awkward when the relationship gets labeled or moved too fast, even if it's just a joke.

Or it could be a sign that he's just not that into the idea of you two being that serious right now. The fact that he distanced himself from you and the group after that makes me wonder if he's not as ready to claim you as his "wife" as the other couple implied.

The drinking more part is also kinda sketchy. Sometimes people use alcohol as a way to avoid dealing with their emotions or uncomfortable situations. So that could be his way of coping with the awkwardness of the moment.

Ultimately, I think the best thing to do is have an open and honest conversation with him about it. Don't accuse him of anything, just express how you felt and ask him what was going on. See if you can get to the root of why he reacted that way.

It could be completely innocent and just a case of him being embarrassed. Or it could be a sign of deeper issues in the relationship that need to be addressed. But the only way to know for sure is to talk it out with him.

Just be patient and understand that he might need some time to process his feelings on the situation. Don't jump to conclusions or let your insecurities get the better of you. Approach it from a place of care and understanding.

If he's truly not ready for that level of commitment, or if he's got some other hang-ups, it's better to find that out now than further down the line. Just be prepared for whatever his response might be, and don't be afraid to stand up for what you need in the relationship.

[Asker]

It's definitely too early for "wife" I'm not entirely sure what made the other guy even use that word. It was weird to me too, but I just brushed it off because both partners in the couple are autistic and don't necessarily understand that.

[Oliverlogan263]

Ah I see, that makes a lot more sense now. If the other couple is on the autism spectrum, that probably explains the out-of-the-blue "wife" comment, even though it was super awkward. They may not have realized how loaded and premature that term is, especially for your relationship that's still fairly new.

It's cool that you were able to brush it off and not take too much offense to it. A lot of people would have probably reacted really strongly to something like that.

But I can definitely understand why your boyfriend seemed to get really thrown off by it, even if it wasn't meant to be a big deal. The idea of marriage and that level of commitment can be really intimidating for guys, even when it's just a casual remark. He may have worried you were feeling the same way, even though you know it's way too soon for that.

The drinking and change in behavior is what has me a bit concerned though. That suggests there might be some deeper issues or anxieties he's dealing with that he's not communicating. I think it's a good call to talk to him about it and see what's really going on.

Just try to approach it in a calm, non-confrontational way. Let him know you noticed the shift and you want to understand where it's coming from. Reassure him that you're not expecting anything more than what you have now. Hopefully it was just an awkward knee-jerk reaction on his part and nothing more serious. But definitely don't be afraid to get to the bottom of it. Open communication is key in any relationship.

Keep me posted on how it goes, ok? Wishing you the best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Well you work together and sometimes people don’t want their personal life associated with his job. On top of that, wife is a strong word and maybe that did make him uncomfortable. In any case you plan on asking him so no matter what feedback we give, only he can give you peace of mind and clarity.

[septemberintherain]

I think you should talk to him about what happened that night. Communication is so important :)