Why do guys back off if you tell them you like them even if they showed interest initially?

[Anonymous]

why does this happen, it’s like if a girl does this, everything changes, the chase is over and it scares a guy off even if he was interested initially?

[Anonymous]

Most likely because he never really wanted something serious. He was probably looking to get paid. But you up him one by reciprocating what you thought was actual feelings on his side. So calling his bluff in a way. He more than likely pretended to show interest to get you to loosen up, to give a better chance of sleeping w you. It could also be that he has a girl already, but he just liked flirting. So when you admitted to him you felt the same he backed off because he was t expecting it to go this far. It’s also possible he just liked the attention.

[Asker]

Thanks for this, yes I’m really confused by his behaviour at the moment, because he backed off and then within the last two weeks he seems really flirty again. He keeps leaning in real close when sitting, excited to see me and playful teasing. He’s like he’s done a 360. It’s very confusing,

[Opinion Owner]

It’s also possible that he felt like it was moving way too fast when you told him you liked him too. There’s a number of possibilities.

[Asker]

Yeah ok, makes sense, but the fact he’s shown more interest of late, what should I do about that? Just go with the flow a bit more?

[Opinion Owner]

That is up to you. A lot of men just like to go w the flow because we don’t feel an urgency to find a mate right away. I think women feel that more than men men because they know Mother Nature is ticking. They know that they have a better chance of meeting someone when they’re younger as opposed to being older. So I get it. If you do go w the flow, I’d say set a timeline. Meaning ok if we’re still just messing around after a year then I need to move on.

[Asker]

Yes ok that’s great, thanks for your help. Appreciate it.

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome. Just make sure you stand out, that you bring value to his life. Not just the mentality of what can o get out of this relationship.

[Asker]

Yes ok, will do. Thanks again

[BarryLiverstone]

Because the guy had no actual intention of a long term relationship. He wanted something free and casual. The moment you signal you want a commitment that’s something he fears as he sees it as trapping.


Make sense?

[Asker]

Yeah I’m, makes sense. Thanks, so what are girls suppose to do? Just wait for the guy to make a move?

[Asker]

**ok

[BarryLiverstone]

No, you don’t need to wait. If you start to feel real emotions it’s ok to communicate them. It’s better that guys who are not ready for a real relationship to go away than for them to string you along. Sure, it’s hurtful if you tell a guy you like him and he backs off. But he could also respond that he likes you and that escalates the bond.

It’s like a dance. You slowly make moves and see how the other person responds. It’s less about who leads and the chase and more about over time how both people feel. In this case he wasn’t feeling you and that’s why he backed off; the next guy may welcome your feedback yk

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ll also add that some guys go into a relationship wanting sex. If that’s his goal, once he’s had sex he is more likely to back off. The chemicals triggered in intimacy can cause bonding to increase with people. So it’s possible after that physical release she’s gained more emotional feelings towards him at the same time he’s ready to back away. Not saying that happens every time but have you ever had a guy ghost or become less interested after sex?

[Asker]

Yes thank you, this is really helpful and good to know. Completely understand what you mean about saying regardless, yes it’s good to know either way. Get the intimacy part too. Thanks

[BarryLiverstone]

You are welcome

[scott04sa22]

It Could be that he has low self-esteem or he doesn't feel worthy on pursuing you

[Asker]

Thanks, why would he not feel worthy?

[scott04sa22]

insecurities

[jahaims]

If a guy does that he was just attention seeking.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s weird, as it seemed like he was really interested at one point.