Why would a guy lead a girl on when he has a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’m feeling really peed off, a guy who I had an intense chemistry with over the past few months, who made it really obvious that he likes me up now has announced (indirectly) that he has a girlfriend.

Up until last week he seemed into me but he suddenly cooled off after I was talking to a guy friend and became standoffish.

Anyway, I messaged him a few days ago to say can we meet up/talk and he has since ignored my message.

As I am on his social media, today he posted a story with his girlfriend (who he NEVER told me about). It’s the first time he’s ever mentioned her on SM and it’s was almost like he was flaunting her. I’m not sure if this is a coincidence or not given the timing,

I am absolutely perplexed as to why this guy has been showing me any attention the past few months and up until last week, knowing that he has a girlfriend, why would he have even bothered with me?

People say I am very attractive and I found he would regularly seek my attention. At times, I thought he went beyond physical attraction, because he genuinely seemed keen to spend more time with me, to try to get to know me, like to the point I’d say ‘right I’d better go’ and he’d look for ways to make me stay and keep the conversation going.

The fact that he hasn’t replied to say ‘sorry not interested, I have a girlfriend’ really infuriates me, I mean how hard it is really to be up front with someone.

I feel like he has been stringing me along for months. Why would he do this? Now I feel like he’s ghosting me. it’s such a cop out not have the decency to reply.

We are in the same friends group, so I don’t understand how he thinks he going to face me, knowing that he hasn’t responded…

Why are guys like this? And how should I react next time I see him knowing he’s ghosted me?

[AnonAndrew]

Are you sure he had a girlfriend the whole time, and didn't get one recently? That could explain it.

Otherwise he probably was hoping to either "upgrade" to you, or just get some side action.

[Asker]

You’re right, he did get her recently last few months, so I knew me before and I believe he liked me.

At the same I had a boyfriend but not for a while so timing was definitely off. Anyway, my question is why does he still show interest in me when he’s now with her?
I find it makes me feel sad as opposed to good, because it’s a bit like teasing. I like him but I can’t have him. What’s the deal do you think?

[AnonAndrew]

I think either he wants to "upgrade" to you, or he wants to cheat on his girlfriend with you.

He could also be doing it just for the fun of flirting.

[Asker]

Yeah ok, thanks for this. What gives you that impression? Just keen to understand. Also why do you reckon he won’t meet with me? I sent him a message 3 days ago and he hasn’t responded.

[Asker]

In the meantime he’s posted a official pick of his girlfriend on social media and I know he’s read my message, but avoiding it,

[AnonAndrew]

You're welcome. :-)

I think there can be several reasons here too. He might like you (or at least want you) and try to resist for his girlfriend. He might be avoiding you either to show respect to his girlfriend, or because she asked him to do it (or he's afraid to "get caught" communicating with you).

Could also be that he doesn't want to be friends with you any more. Either because of his new girl, or because his friendship with you was a path to get together with you, and now if that is no longer an option he has no interested in the friendship. Or maybe something you did insulted him (seems unlikely to happen suddenly after such a long time, though).

So it's really hard to say for sure. You'd have to try to evaluate his behavior in light of everything you know about him from your time with him, the thoughts and behavior you have seen from him.

[Asker]

Yeah ok thank you, this is really helpful. I think you could be on the right lines though, I agree maybe he’s trying to show his girlfriend or others (including me) that he is a good boyfriend.

Don’t you find it odd that he would still be so flirty with me though knowing he has her? I just kind of want to have it out with him, but because he won’t respond it’s tricky.

[In_Trance]

for the same reason a girl would lead a guy on when she has a boyfriend

[Asker]

What is the reason for that though? I wouldn’t do that, it’s a bit mean.

[In_Trance]

A backup plan

[Asker]

You mean I’m the backup plan? Oh it’s so weird. He’s so flirty with me, it’s kind of cringy and then he's playing the good boyfriend by parading his girlfriend on social media. Urghh!

[Rimaisme]

Either he wanted a sexual episode with you or you were his backup plan.

That's my opinion, I don't know what that guy brain is thinking

[Asker]

Thank you, yes I think you could be right. It’s so annoying! Me too, the fact that he won’t agree to meet makes it all the more hard. I just want to know what he’s thinking either way.

[Rimaisme]

If he don't wanna see you then all you can do is move forward,
Rather look for exciting future than stay in the gloomy past.
It's tough but gotta do what you gotta do

[Asker]

Yes I agree, thank you. Makes sense. We are in the same extended friends group, so I feel like I will see him at some point but not by choice, how would you deal with that knowing that he never responded? ,

[Rimaisme]

I'd be hurt but I try to find something to be engaged on like a hobby interest (not finding another guy)

[Asker]

Yeah ok thank you, appreciate it

[Rimaisme]

Thanks for mho

[jahaims]

To use her obviously

[Asker]

In what way though? As we never had sex.